Table of Contents
Worried About Your Daughter’s Body Image? The Proven Strategies to Raise Girls Who Love Themselves
Stop the cycle of insecurity and anxiety. Discover research-backed strategies from Raising Girls Who Like Themselves to help your daughter build body autonomy, develop a “power perspective,” and thrive in a high-pressure world. Your daughter’s self-esteem is built one conversation at a time—continue reading to learn the exact phrases that will help her ignore societal pressure and embrace her true worth.
Genres
Parenting, Personal Development, Society, Culture
Introduction: A guide to raising resilient girls.
Raising Girls Who Like Themselves (2021) is a practical, research-backed guide for parents aiming to nurture happy, confident daughters who can thrive in a world that often undermines their self-worth. By fostering key traits such as body confidence, independence, and resilience, it empowers girls to become self-assured, healthy, and secure.
Today’s young women stand at a fascinating crossroads. They’re shattering academic records, drawing inspiration from titans like Malala and Greta, and stepping into opportunities their grandmothers never imagined. Yet beneath this gleaming surface lies a troubling reality.
In Australia, for example, nearly one in five girls aged 16 to 17 meets the criteria for clinical depression, while anxiety disorders grip one in fourteen. More alarming still is what’s happening to our youngest: over half of girls as young as eight and nine years old report dissatisfaction with their bodies. This isn’t just concerning – it’s a crisis in the making.
This paradox – immense opportunity paired with declining mental health – reflects a deeper societal issue. Our media and social platforms bombard young minds with digitally perfected images and impossible standards. The beauty and fashion industries feed off these insecurities, suggesting that girls need to “fix” themselves to be worthy.
Yet amid this challenging landscape, there’s genuine cause for optimism. Building high self-esteem and authentic self-worth is a proven shield against these cultural pressures. With the right approach, parents can nurture daughters who go further than simply weathering society’s expectations, but transcend them entirely.
In this summary, we’ll explore sophisticated strategies to help your daughter develop genuine confidence – the kind that comes from within and stands firm against external pressure. Because raising a girl who truly values herself is more than just an aspiration – it’s an achievable reality. Let’s get started.
Develop a power perspective
Raising a girl with a strong sense of self-worth often comes down to helping her see the world through a power perspective. This mindset shows up in two different ways: some kids think “I can shape what happens to me,” while others feel “things just happen to me.”
Take the example of two girls heading to school camp: one is nervous, clinging to her parents, while the other is excitedly boarding the bus. The difference? The confident girl knows she can handle new situations, even if they’re tough or unfamiliar.
Some children naturally have this power perspective. Others may be more prone to anxiety or have faced hardships that make it harder to trust in themselves. Fortunately, this perspective can be taught and strengthened. Start by focusing on small, practical steps.
For example, if your daughter receives an unwanted gift, gently shift her attention to what went well – like the fun she had at her party or other presents she enjoyed. This focus on the positive encourages her to see the good in situations, a skill that builds resilience.
Building positive thinking also supports this sense of control. After school, try asking about something good that happened in her day. Talk about why it was good and how she played a part in making it happen. This simple practice helps her see herself as someone who makes good things happen in her own life.
When you give her praise, be thoughtful about it. Instead of vaguely saying, “Great drawing!” ask, “Do you like it?” This shows her that her opinion of her own work matters more than others’. It helps her build confidence from within rather than always seeking external approval.
When things get tough, help her change thoughts like “I’ll never be good at math” to “I’m practicing math, and it’s tough, but I’m improving.” Celebrate her efforts to rise after a fall, like, “You got back up – well done!” Lastly, encourage directness in asking for what she needs. Instead of vague hints like “I’m thirsty,” encourage her to ask, “Can I have a glass of water?”
These small steps add up to something big – they help raise a girl who approaches life with confidence, resilience, and a healthy self-worth.
Build body confidence
Many little girls start life with a healthy curiosity and pride in their bodies. You might see a toddler fascinated with her reflection, marveling at her strength and capabilities. But as she grows, social messages often begin to chip away at this confidence. Media, peer influences, and even well-intentioned comments can all play a role in shaping how she feels about her body and herself.
In Australia, research tells us something concerning: more than half of 10-year-old girls are already trying to control their weight. This isn’t something that comes naturally – it’s something they learn, and us parents can help change this pattern.
To combat body-shaming and build stronger self-worth, start by changing how you praise her. Compliments for girls frequently center on their appearance, with remarks like “What a cute dress!” or “You have such pretty eyes!” This puts too much weight on her appearance. Instead, make an effort to recognize her actions, ideas, and interests. Notice her skills, her creativity, and her curiosity with remarks like “That’s a big tower you’re building!” or “I love how carefully you looked for bugs!” These sorts of comments help reinforce the idea that her value lies in who she is and what she can do, not for how she looks.
When others talk about her looks, use the DRM approach – that’s D for dilution, R for redirection, and M for modeling. For example, if someone compliments her dress, point out that it’s also great for climbing trees. Show her that appearance is only one small part of who she is. At home, model this yourself by limiting your own comments about appearance, even positive ones, as these can still imply that looks are a measure of worth.
Also, emphasize health over weight. Bodies can be healthy at many sizes – what matters is feeling good in body and mind. Make your home a place that supports this: skip fashion magazines, choose ad-free TV options, and promote realistic, positive body imagery.
Encourage her to trust her body’s natural signals. Teach her that “hunger cues” are natural, and avoid moralizing food as “good” or “bad.” Instead, use “everyday” and “sometimes” foods, and let her choose what feels right. By offering a variety, you’re supporting her in listening to her body without judgment or anxiety.
Finally, make exercise something she can enjoy, not something tied to body image or punishment. Show her that movement is a celebration of what her body can do – running, dancing, jumping, climbing. When exercise is joyful, it reinforces a love for her body, exactly as it is. By making these small shifts, you’re helping her grow up with confidence and a lasting, positive self-image.
Put her in charge of her body
Raising girls who have a strong sense of self-worth starts with teaching them that their body belongs to them. This simple but powerful idea means each person gets to make choices about their own body. For girls, this idea of body autonomy is critical in a world that often tells them they need to change their bodies to fit others’ expectations. Girls are frequently encouraged, subtly and directly, to view their bodies as objects for others to judge or control. By teaching them body autonomy, we empower them to resist this messaging and embrace themselves for who they are.
Supporting body autonomy may mean making some unexpected choices as a parent. Let your daughter wear that sparkly princess dress to the supermarket or dye her hair blue, as long as it’s safe and non-permanent. This is her chance to make decisions about her body for herself.
But what about when she asks to wax her legs because someone told her they’re “too hairy”? This is different. You can help her see that changing her body because of what others think isn’t really making her own choice. In these cases, it’s crucial to help her understand that her self-worth shouldn’t be defined by others’ expectations.
Body autonomy also goes beyond appearance – it encompasses how we teach our daughters about consent. Many of us were raised to give relatives kisses or hugs, sometimes even if we didn’t want to. This taught us that making others happy was more important than our comfort. Give your daughter permission to say no. If she’s uncomfortable with a kiss or cuddle, offer alternatives like a high five or a wave. Though it may be challenging if a grandparent feels slighted, your daughter will learn that her body is her own, and that she has the right to refuse, even if it causes some discomfort.
To further instill body autonomy, be open and direct about her body. Use accurate terms for body parts – including genitalia. A girl who knows the correct names and feels comfortable discussing her body will be more likely to tell a trusted adult if someone behaves inappropriately toward her. The openness you show will help her feel safe and unashamed, especially in vulnerable situations.
Masturbation, too, is part of normal bodily self-discovery. If you see your daughter touching her genitals, avoid shaming her or telling her it’s “dirty.” Instead, teach her that self-exploration is natural and that many women engage in it as they grow up. Just explain it’s private, like other things we learn about time and place – the same way we learn scissors don’t belong in the sandpit. By guiding her in a calm, shame-free way, you’ll encourage a healthy understanding of her body.
Teaching your daughter that her body belongs to her gives her something powerful – the ability to value herself, set limits, and move through life with confidence. It’s a powerful gift that will serve her well through every stage of life.
Unschedule your daughter’s life
Parents today work hard to give their daughters every chance to succeed, but sometimes this turns into packed schedules – piano lessons, gymnastics, Mandarin classes, math tutoring, one after another. A recent Australian study found that 47 percent of children engage in three or more after-school activities per week, and 43 percent of families hadn’t done any spontaneous activities in the past month. While sports and hobbies can be beneficial, too much scheduling can leave girls feeling anxious and depleted. When we fill up the calendar, we often squeeze out something really important – unstructured play time. This kind of play helps children build creativity, bounce back from setbacks, and learn who they are.
Free play is central to learning in a way that no lesson or training session can replicate. Unlike structured activities with goals and targets, true play just flows naturally. Think about when you see a child completely lost in play – what psychologists call a flow state. The world around them fades away, and they’re totally free to be themselves. In these moments, they learn to solve problems, work with others, and handle things on their own. They figure out how to deal with challenges, learn from mistakes, and build confidence. When parents make room for this kind of play, they help their daughters grow into young women who trust themselves.
If you want your daughter to develop real confidence, try cutting back on activities focused just on achievement. Tutoring, for example, can be useful if a child is struggling, but regular tutoring for young kids who are already keeping up academically may contribute little to their long-term success. Research tells us something surprising: putting too much academic pressure on young children doesn’t always lead to better results and can even lead to burnout. Similarly, research on homework indicates negligible benefits for children under ten, with some studies finding that it offers no significant academic advantage but can instead add unnecessary stress and detract from family bonding time.
So, try setting some boundaries around academic extracurriculars. It’s a powerful step toward building self-assured girls. Instead of another tutoring session, spend an afternoon at the park or library. Take turns with other parents hosting playdates. These moments of unscheduled time will help her discover her own strengths, interests, and the irreplaceable value of simply being herself.
Don’t fear failure
Do you remember learning to ride a bike? For many kids, it’s the first moment they taste true mastery and feel the rush of achieving something independently. That feeling of accomplishment – of knowing, “I did this myself!” – is one of the greatest gifts we can give our daughters. Yet we often miss these opportunities for mastery because they come packaged with two less comfortable experiences: frustration and failure.
Many parents today, raised in the “self-esteem” 80s and 90s, gravitate toward a feel-good model of parenting. Spend a few minutes at the playground, and you’ll hear it: “Great job!” “You’re awesome!” “Well done!” everywhere you turn. While well-meaning, this constant praise can sometimes create a false sense of achievement, especially for girls who are often reminded they can “do anything.” Tanith Carey, author of Taming the Tiger Parent, warns that this can give kids an unrealistic view of themselves. Real self-esteem doesn’t come from feeling special – it comes from achieving real goals through effort and bouncing back from setbacks.
So, how do we give our daughters a chance to experience mastery? One way is to involve her in real tasks, both big and small. When you back, let her crack the eggs and pour the flour. Have her carry her own school bag and make her bed. These small acts build confidence and help her feel in charge of her world. Let her speak up in social situations too, like at the doctor’s office or restaurants. If she’s nervous, practice at home first. Remind her that her voice matters, and help her understand that her opinions are valued.
Another key to raising resilient girls is learning to let go. Today’s parents feel pressure to attend every school performance and sporting event. But occasionally missing these moments can teach your daughter that she’s capable of succeeding without you watching. Let her perform without you as her safety net – it shows her that her efforts count even without an audience cheering.
Last but not least, embrace failure as a natural part of the learning process. As girls grow, their natural drive to master new skills is often stifled by a fear of failure, influenced by the pressure to “color inside the lines.” Teach her to see failure as an essential part of growth. Praise her persistence, her courage, and the progress she’s made – even if she hasn’t yet achieved her goal. True mastery builds real confidence, one step and one mistake at a time.
Conclusion
In this summary to Raising Girls Who Like Themselves by Kasey Edwards and Dr Christopher Scanlon, you’ve learned that raising confident, resilient girls starts with helping them see themselves as capable of shaping their own lives. Through simple, everyday choices, parents can nurture daughters who value themselves from the inside out.
To help girls build real confidence, parents can focus on what matters most: their efforts, abilities, and inner strength, not just how they look or giving endless praise. Additionally, allowing unstructured play, celebrating effort over outcomes, and reinforcing body autonomy help girls develop self-confidence, autonomy, and resilience. This approach gives them the tools they need to thrive in a society that often cares too much about achievement and appearance.