Table of Contents
Key Takeaways
- Andy Dunn was a young and ambitious entrepreneur who had a vision to create a new kind of startup: a digitally native, direct-to-consumer brand that sold men’s pants. He was also a man who had a secret: a diagnosis of bipolar disorder that he had received after a terrifying manic episode in college. As his startup, Bonobos, grew and raised millions of dollars, Dunn faced a constant struggle to keep his disorder and his business under control. He also faced a series of crises, setbacks, and failures that threatened to destroy everything he had built. In his book Burn Rate: Launching a Startup and Losing My Mind, Dunn opens up about his struggle with bipolar disorder and entrepreneurship, and how he learned to live no lies.
- If you want to learn more about Andy Dunn, his startup, and his disorder, you should read this book. It will show you the highs and lows of launching a startup and living with bipolar disorder, the lies and the truths that he encountered and believed, and the lessons and the insights that he gained and shared. It will also inspire you to pursue your dreams and passions, to overcome your fears and challenges, and to find your peace and freedom. It will teach you how to launch a startup and lose your mind.
Burn Rate (2022) is the no-holds-barred story of Andy Dunn, cofounder of menswear startup Bonobos, and his struggles with bipolar disorder. Long in denial about his diagnosis, Dunn eventually faced up to the condition – but not before it had nearly cost him everything.
Introduction: Lift the veil on what “living the dream” really meant for a CEO with bipolar disorder.
Andy Dunn cofounded an online startup that eventually sold for $310 million.
But this is not the story of his brilliance in business.
This is the story of his struggles with bipolar disorder. Of how he managed to live in denial for 16 long years. And of how he eventually had to face it – as well as the damage it did to him and others along the way.
It’s a gripping tale that will help you understand what someone with bipolar disorder is really going through – even if they seem fine. You’ll see how this illness can both amplify human potential and try to destroy it, and why it’s so important to talk about it.
About 3 percent of the population have bipolar disorder, and this number is even higher among entrepreneurs – up to 20 percent. This connection between entrepreneurship and bipolar disorder is not accidental. At its best, hypomania drives creativity and productivity, along with confidence, optimism, and vision – all of which are required for success in business. Andy is a perfect example of that. But he also knows the price it comes with.
Bipolar disorder is not a rare condition, and it can be treated. But there is a lot of stigma around it. This story is Andy’s invitation to deal with mental illness openly and without shame.
That said, it’s also a bit of a wild ride. It might make you uncomfortable, as it tackles themes of mental illness, suicidal thoughts, and domestic violence. So please read with care.
In this summary, you’ll learn
- why bipolar disorder is so hard to spot and diagnose;
- what can trigger hypomania, mania, and depression; and
- how a CEO with bipolar disorder can successfully build a company.
Invincibility
When Andy Dunn was growing up in the Chicago suburbs, doctors were everywhere around him. Both his mom’s side of the family, originally from India, and his American father’s side were full of oncologists, surgeons, physical therapists, and even two mental health professionals. His sister, Monica, and he went through childhood feeling invincible.
Andy also felt special because he was smart – smart enough to skip third grade.
Being 14 in a class full of 16- and 17-year-olds was tough, especially as a mixed race kid. His classmates called him “windu” – white Hindu. But Andy was a teenager with focus. So he started pretending that the hurt and anger that came with the feeling of “otherness” weren’t there. It would take him years to learn that vulnerability is not the enemy. But we’ll come back to that – for now, we’re still in school.
One day, a classmate came back from a skiing holiday, and his glamorous stories kindled a fire in young Andy. He discovered that there weren’t only doctors out there, like in his family, but also entrepreneurs – along with their jet-setting lifestyle. Young Andy admired and envied them. He knew he was “gifted” and felt he had an entrepreneurial streak too; his psyche would later exploit this sense of self-importance.
Andy went to college at Northwestern, joined a fraternity, and enjoyed all sorts of privileges. He got internships through well-connected friends, he worked hard, and he played hard too. He experimented with psychedelic drugs, and he fell head over heels for a girl called Camila.
Things were good. Really good. He felt . . . great.
Andy’s ghost
Imagine you’re 20, you’re partying hard, you’re drinking, taking drugs, and you’re in love. Of course you’re a bit agitated and jumpy! Of course you’re somewhat euphoric! And why would you need to sleep? You’re bursting with energy!
So, how would anyone – including yourself – notice if there’s actually something wrong with you?
Before people experience mania, there’s a phase called hypomania. When you’re hypomanic, you feel like you can do anything. And the thing is, you kind of can.
You feel energized. You’re confident, more talkative than usual, and you never seem to get tired. There’s a storm of thoughts in your head; you’re bursting with ideas. You’re in a zone where creativity and productivity flourish. It’s an exaggerated experience of reality – but it’s still based in reality.
But you’re this close from crossing over into mania.
Mania is inventing your own reality. There’s no filter between inner thoughts and spoken words. Whatever comes to mind is shared with anyone, at any time – there’s no such thing as a stranger. You are the one who is sane – everyone else needs enlightenment. And nothing is accidental – everything is a sign. The hyperactive brain completely disconnects from the body, and you can go for several days without sleep, food, and even drink.
Andy’s walking across campus one day and suddenly has a realization. He’s not just gifted – he is the gift. He is going to become the president. Overcome with gratitude, he begins making plans.
It’s 2:00 a.m. now, so he goes to the 24-hour Burger King and explains his mission to a handful of customers. He doesn’t eat anything. Prophets don’t need to eat. He meets up with his friend – it’s daytime now – and explains he’s been talking to the birds.
Oh, and Camila, his girlfriend? He’s just realized she’s God. Their child will be the Messiah.
It’s later now, and Andy’s parents have come and collected him. At home, he’s wandering around naked, and he lectures them about forgiveness and the evils of drugs and colonialism.
Three doctor relatives take him to the hospital.
He’s given meds. He sleeps and sleeps. He starts coming back to himself. At first, being in the hospital feels like an adventure – he loves his fellow patients. It’s only after more meds and more sleep that he actually comes back to himself. And at that point, he’s desperate to get out of there.
Denial
The doctor tells Andy he has bipolar disorder, type I – maybe. Bipolar disorder type I is a condition that causes extreme mood swings, including emotional highs and lows and full manic episodes. The doctor explains that if he doesn’t relapse in the next five years, it could just be a one-off; perhaps it was caused by the drugs he was taking, or even his heavy acne medication.
Andy clung to that idea. So did his family of medical professionals. Maybe it was a one-off.
Within ten days he was back at college. People knew what had happened. But nobody talked about it. At all. Everyone pretended like it had never happened, including Andy.
He didn’t choose not to deal with his diagnosis because he wanted to, but because he didn’t know how. He couldn’t even hold the thought of it in his mind for longer than a couple of moments – it was too shameful, and terrifying.
But it was there, like a ghost, and it would haunt Andy for years.
Ambition
Andy moved on as if nothing had happened. After a couple of years working in private equity, he went to Stanford Graduate School of Business – a place where anything is possible and you’re encouraged to dream big. It’s there that he met Brian Spaly, an ambitious, confident young entrepreneur with a particular obsession: pants.
Andy didn’t really have an obsession. He played with the idea of starting a falafel chain, or importing Guatemalan rum, or maybe carving out a niche in South African cured meat. None of the ideas gained traction. But Spaly’s did.
There were two things about pants. First, the fit – besides jeans, men’s pants didn’t come in a variety of fits. Second, the retail experience – young men didn’t like to go shopping. Spaly’s idea was simple: provide better fits for chinos and wool pants, and sell them directly online in what were still the early days of online retail.
Spaly even came up with a name for the company: Bonobos, after the peaceful, sex-loving apes.
Andy decided to get involved.
Chutzpah
The two young entrepreneurs made an unexpected deal because Spaly wanted to go back and work in private equity for a while. Andy would be CEO and cofounder of Bonobos, and Spaly would chip in during evenings and weekends.
Unaware of Andy’s ghost, all Spaly saw in his friend was a driven, hustling young entrepreneur who could be trusted to get his company up and running. And he was right, more or less.
After securing an initial round of investment, they set up Bonobos in New York City. It started out in Andy’s rented apartment; his bedroom was stacked with pants. Andy was $150,000 in debt – and he wasn’t a trust-fund kid – but he made sure to lead the life expected of a flashy young entrepreneur, filled with cocktails, clubs, and women. As he discovered, New York was a city of chutzpah. People were confident enough to say whatever they want, regardless of the consequences.
Andy fit right in.
Bonobos got some good press, and sales grew. Andy was a man on a mission. Was he on the path to greatness? Was he changing the future of retail?
Or was the hypomania kicking in again?
Hypomania is like a superpower that can amplify your potential and make you capable of amazing things. But if it isn’t treated, it can slip out of control and ruin your life.
Up and down
Andy came close to mania in these early days in NYC, but his sister, Monica, pulled him back.
His family never talked about his diagnosis, but in an attempt to prevent it from happening again, they started monitoring Andy more closely. Monica spotted the signs – his elevated mood and grandiosity – and made sure he got some decent sleep to break the dizzying upward spiral.
But bipolar disorder has its name for a reason. It’s not just the highs.
Bonobos was doing well enough that Spaly had come back on board full time. But he and Andy weren’t getting along. They bickered about everything from payroll to inventory to strategy. Andy obsessively believed that Spaly was bringing the business down. Even worse, he tried to conform reality to his feelings by seeking confirmation from others that Spaly was the source of all problems.
As Andy’s relationship with Spaly was falling apart on the outside, so was his mental state on the inside.
His mood was heading down this time – not up. It reached its worst point on a flight to Vegas one day. A strange thought crossed Andy’s mind: he wanted the plane to crash.
In acute depression, suicidal thoughts don’t come from a wish to die, but to escape the blackness – to stop living like the living dead.
Andy spent days in bed. Sometimes he’d sleep right through the daylight hours. He didn’t have any desire to start the day and face the world. But then, to compensate, he’d have a hypomanic Saturday night out in the city. And because he wasn’t able to reach the vibrant energy and charisma he was known for, he’d drink. Out in a club, he’d fit right in. This is how mental illness and substance abuse often become deeply entangled and create a vicious cycle that’s so difficult to break.
Andy had already been good at hiding what was going on inside him back in school; now, he was a master. He developed tactics to perfectly disguise his depression and make it seem like he was fine, even great. And he made sure not to reflect upon his mental state. Admitting that he was depressed would mean admitting that the mania could return at any point as well – and this was not something he was ready to accept.
Momentum
People assume that the swings of bipolar disorder are sudden: you’re up one minute and down the next. But it’s more like a sine curve that gradually unfurls in cycles. You can feel the same way for weeks – and then suddenly flip.
Andy’s depressive episodes alternated with periods of elation, but he hadn’t had another fully manic episode yet. In fact, he was still clinging to the idea that his college experience was a one-off. Perhaps his current depression was just the result of a stressful job – how can you say what’s illness and what’s just life?
So he carried on, focusing on Spaly as the source of his issues. Eventually, Andy asked Spaly to step aside altogether, and, surprisingly, his cofounder agreed.
Now Andy was riding high, fueled by hypomanic energy. The emotional rollercoaster of having to raise funds worked as a sort of antidepressant. And in turn, his elevated mood made it possible to pull through even when it seemed impossible.
So when the company was on the brink of financial ruin, he had the exact brashness and energy necessary to secure funding. On one trip to a potential investor, his company credit card was declined at the car rental service. He paid for the car himself, made it to the meeting, and secured $300,000 that saved the company.
And the best was yet to come: Bonobos got venture capital funding for the first time. Things were looking good again.
Reflection
The future looked bright for Bonobos, but building a company while VCs are watching you is tricky. Plus, Andy’s new leadership style – instilling fear among employees – was under scrutiny. A pattern was emerging of him enthusiastically embracing new senior hires, and then firing them within a year.
But he kept on at a tireless pace. The company dashed forward, wildly innovating. Though its initial hook was to be online-only, it started opening physical stores where customers could try on pants for home delivery. Andy tested countless other ideas too; he even wanted to launch a tech product to help other online vendors, as Shopify would eventually do.
He’d hired his old college friend Bryan Wolff as CFO and tasked him with making the company profitable. Wolff politely told Andy that he needed to change strategy – fast – and stop burning money. Soon enough, he was out the door too.
Andy’s energy kept relentlessly pushing him forward, but in one moment of reflection, he saw himself – and his ghost. What was the common thread between all of the professional problems he’d faced? Was it . . . him?
For the first time since his diagnosis nine years earlier, Andy got desperate enough to try therapy and even medication – only to come out feeling like there was no cure for whatever he was experiencing. He felt cursed and sank deeper again.
There were two groups of people around Andy at this point – people who knew about his manic episode in college but never talked about it, and people who knew nothing about it. In either case, Andy had to carry the burden of his ghost alone, which created an ocean of pain inside him. On the rare occasions when he did try to share it, he was met with a poignant lack of reaction and awkward silence, making his pain even more unspeakable.
The ghost returns
The low period ends when Andy starts seeing Manuela. She’s beautiful, intelligent, grounded. She’s perfect, and he falls in love immediately – which, when you have bipolar disorder, can be dangerous.
Andy’s on another flight to Vegas, and this time he becomes convinced that the plane is going to crash. This isn’t a hunch; he’s absolutely certain. He spends the flight preparing for his approaching death.
It’s been 15 years since his first and only manic episode. He remembers what happened that time, so he keeps quiet in order not to get locked up. Still, he sends a series of bizarre, messianic tweets, so the world hears his prophecies.
The flight . . . doesn’t crash. This, too, is a sign! He’s been saved. He is reborn. He is God. But he has to keep it a secret so they don’t take him away again.
Now, Andy is wandering the streets of Las Vegas and realizes homeless people aren’t real – they’re angels, warning us of the dangers of materialism. He’s in town for a conference and gives a speech, which he thinks goes well, although the feedback he receives is rather cryptic. He tries to give his Rolex away in a tiny restaurant because you obviously can’t wear a Rolex if you’re a prophet.
He decides to go vegan, but immediately eats a cheeseburger. He fixes the Israeli–Palestinian conflict with ease.
Somehow, he finds his way back to his family home in Chicago. They manage to get him to eat something – he hasn’t eaten for days – and they hand him a sleeping pill. But Andy now suddenly suspects that they’re trying to kill him.
To a manic mind, those who are trying to help you can become your worst enemies – which is heartbreaking for the people that love you and want the best for you.
Finally, Andy takes the pill and sleeps for hours. He starts to come down, but it will take days before he’s fully back to himself. For now, he’s communicating with Manuela telepathically. He mentally proposes, and she accepts. He changes his Facebook status to “engaged.” Hundreds of people congratulate them. She calls him, baffled.
“Oh my God,” he says – alert enough by now to pretend he’s hit the wrong button.
Darkness
After that episode, Andy regained some semblance of control and realized he needed to quit his job. He found a new CEO for Bonobos and took on a board chairman role instead.
He and Manuela went on a trip to China, where she had some business to take care of. During the trip, his mood dipped as low as it had ever been. He couldn’t function. He literally couldn’t find the energy to leave the bed, even when he desperately needed to pee. But hitting rock bottom created space for something important to happen – Andy finally opened up to Manuela. She listened, offered her compassion and support, and stayed with him.
This fresh wave of depression, just after he’d quit as CEO, made him realize that it was a mistake to blame his job. He was going to continue feeling these ups and downs regardless of his work. Actually, having that job served as a kind of antidepressant; without it, he no longer had a reason to get out of bed at all.
Meanwhile, things weren’t going so well back at Bonobos, and hearing this reignited a spark for life in Andy. He decided to return as CEO.
Howling at the moon
Back in the US, Andy’s energy is up again. Things start well. He’s learned from some of Bonobos’ previous mistakes and focuses on profitability this time. They’re back to the classic startup aim: sell the company, or go public.
Things are good with Manuela too, and he secretly puts down a deposit on an engagement ring. Exciting.
Another exciting thing: he sees Hamilton, a show about America’s founding history. And he loves it. Especially George Washington. The character strikes a chord with Andy. Is he . . . George Washington?
This kind of self-aggrandizing thoughts come as an announcement of the upward spiral to mania.
One night, he goes to a friend’s birthday party in Brooklyn. The door code is 1225. It’s a sign: the birthday of Jesus. Oh yes, of course – that’s why his own initials are A.D.
He’s still up in his apartment the next day when Manuela comes home. He isn’t fully gone at this point, but he’s on the way there. He again declares himself vegan and eats a cheeseburger. A man called Colt knocks at the door. His name is also a sign – he must have a gun. Andy tells Manuela to hide.
Next, he has a chat with a black cat. Worried, Manuela calls her mom and asks her to come over. She soon arrives at the apartment. Andy howls at the moon. He suddenly jumps up to go pee.
There’s blood dripping down his face. There’s anger, pain. He swings. The crack of glass. Even more pain. Even more blood.
He pulls the radiator off the wall. He’s naked. He needs to recite Hamilton in full.
He’s zipped up. What just happened? What’s happening? Is he dead?
Honesty
Andy is committed to Bellevue Hospital, and it takes him days to come down. But he gets there, and one day Manuela is allowed to visit.
They play cards together. He notices some bruising around her eye. He feels a deep sense of shame. She stares at him and tells him it didn’t hurt.
Eventually, he’s released from Bellevue. The police are waiting for him. He’s arrested for misdemeanor assault – and felony assault of a senior citizen. In addition to hitting Manuela, he’d pushed and kicked her mom.
He’s taken to prison right after having been admitted to the hospital for a mental health emergency – and he’s not allowed to see Manuela.
Often, the system barely allows distinction between criminals and people who have a mental illness; it treats them as one. With every possible favorable element of privilege on his side – an expensive lawyer, a loving family, and a compassionate partner willing to drop charges – Andy was still barely able to make it through.
Once his mood was stable, he was eventually let out of the police station too. After going to the hospital and jail, everything else seemed less difficult. Even something Andy considered impossible earlier in his life – addressing his illness.
So after 16 years of denial and hiding, he was ready to do whatever it took to stay mentally well. And the first step was to tell everyone at work about his bipolar disorder. The people on the board were understanding. The team pulled together, with an eye to selling the company. Surprisingly, Walmart was interested.
Even more importantly, Manuela decided to stay with Andy. Her mom forgave him too – she likened his condition to diabetes, saying it was an unfortunate condition that just had to be treated right. They showed him how to approach mental illness openly, without stigma, and with compassion.
Andy found a new psychiatrist, Dr. Z. Finding the right combination and dosage of medication isn’t easy; you need something that keeps both the mania and depression under control, but that doesn’t make you feel dull. Dr. Z prescribed Andy a mix of pills that actually worked, tempering both his highs and his lows.
Andy and Manuela started seeing a relationship therapist as well, which helped them get through the challenging time and rebuild their relationship.
Sometimes Andy felt awful – especially living with the shame of what he had done. Other times he felt elated to still have the love of Manuela. But at either end of the spectrum, he coped.
Duty
Even with regular therapy and balanced medication, things can go down quickly in the absence of sleep.
Andy was excited about his engagement to Manuela and had already skipped a night of sleep when his parents visited one day. Out shopping, he suddenly lost focus, flung his mom off his arm, and ran down the street. His dad managed to catch him. There was no more denial – it was immediately treated as a psychiatric emergency. Dr. Z took care of Andy and upped his dosage permanently.
Soon after that, the Walmart sale went through. Bonobos sold for $310 million. He’d done it.
Could he have succeeded without his bipolar disorder? It’s impossible to say. Andy’s learned that mental illness isn’t something to stigmatize or deny, like he did in his earlier years – but it certainly isn’t something to celebrate, either. It’s just illness. It’s there, it’s real, it has to be treated. And it is treatable with therapy, medication, regular check-ins, and transparency.
Three years later, Andy and Manuela are back in the hospital – for a very different reason. She’s giving birth to Isaiah.
Andy holds his child in his arms and feels a fresh wave of emotion. He feels fiercely protective and strong. He knows that even though his ghost is still there – and always will be – he’ll never let it get to him. For Isaiah’s sake.
It’s his duty now, and he knows he can do it.
Summary
Even with regular therapy and balanced medication, things can go down quickly in the absence of sleep.
Andy was excited about his engagement to Manuela and had already skipped a night of sleep when his parents visited one day. Out shopping, he suddenly lost focus, flung his mom off his arm, and ran down the street. His dad managed to catch him. There was no more denial – it was immediately treated as a psychiatric emergency. Dr. Z took care of Andy and upped his dosage permanently.
Soon after that, the Walmart sale went through. Bonobos sold for $310 million. He’d done it.
Could he have succeeded without his bipolar disorder? It’s impossible to say. Andy’s learned that mental illness isn’t something to stigmatize or deny, like he did in his earlier years – but it certainly isn’t something to celebrate, either. It’s just illness. It’s there, it’s real, it has to be treated. And it is treatable with therapy, medication, regular check-ins, and transparency.
Three years later, Andy and Manuela are back in the hospital – for a very different reason. She’s giving birth to Isaiah.
Andy holds his child in his arms and feels a fresh wave of emotion. He feels fiercely protective and strong. He knows that even though his ghost is still there – and always will be – he’ll never let it get to him. For Isaiah’s sake.
It’s his duty now, and he knows he can do it.
Andy Dunn co-founded the ecommerce-driven menswear brand Bonobos in 2007 and served as CEO through its 2017 acquisition by Walmart. As an angel investor and through his venture capital firm, Red Swan, Dunn has backed more than eighty startups, including Warby Parker, Oscar, and Coinbase. Dunn serves on the boards of Monica + Andy, an organic baby-apparel company founded by his sister, and the tech nonprofit Raised By Us. Named to Fortune’s 40 Under 40 list in 2018, he is a graduate of Northwestern University and the Stanford Graduate School of Business. He lives in Chicago with his wife and their son.
Genres
Health, Nutrition, Entrepreneurship, Biography, Memoir, Finance, Counseling and Psychology, Bipolar Disorder, Coping with Bipolar Disorder, Biographies of Business Professionals, Business, Autobiography, Mental Health, Leadership, Self Help
Table of Contents
Part I: Origin of the Species
Chapter 1: Windu
Chapter 2: Insane Ingredients
Chapter 3: God Is a Woman
Chapter 4: Wantrepreneur
Chapter 5: Birth of Bonobos
Chapter 6: Pants on Fire
Part II: Pants Labyrinth
Chapter 7: Shadowboxing
Chapter 8: Sine Curve
Chapter 9: Absolute Minimum
Chapter 10: Imagine Your Enemy
Chapter 11: Hypomagic
Chapter 12: Lightspeed, at Last
Chapter 13: A Diagnosis Deferred
Chapter 14: 911
Part III: Ghost Rider
Chapter 15: Life Is a Dream
Chapter 16: The Opposite House
Chapter 17: King Arthur’s Tavern
Chapter 18: Inside the Aquarium
Chapter 19: Noose to the Sky
Chapter 20: Blame Game
Review
The book Burn Rate: Launching a Startup and Losing My Mind by Andy Dunn is a memoir of mental illness and entrepreneurship. The book tells the story of how Dunn co-founded the menswear startup Bonobos, and how his bipolar disorder nearly cost him everything. The book reveals the dark side of success and the challenges of balancing work and life in the startup world. The book also shows how Dunn overcame his disorder and his mistakes, and how he found peace and freedom in his personal and professional life.
The book Burn Rate: Launching a Startup and Losing My Mind by Andy Dunn is a gripping and honest book that offers a rare and candid look at the intersection of mental health and business. The book is based on Dunn’s personal experience and interviews, and provides a balanced and objective perspective on his journey as a founder and a patient. The book is also engaging and relevant, as it uses stories, anecdotes, and examples to illustrate the concepts and principles of entrepreneurship and bipolar disorder. The book is not only a book about Dunn, but also a book about the startup community, the technology industry, and the 21st century economy. The book is a valuable resource for anyone interested in mental health, entrepreneurship, and the future of work.