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Summary: The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That’s Both Holy and Hot by Sheila Wray Gregoire

  • “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” by Sheila Wray Gregoire is a candid and comprehensive guide for Christian women seeking a fulfilling and passionate marriage.
  • The book emphasizes the importance of communication, emotional connection, and mutual pleasure as essential components of sexual well-being within a Christian marriage.
  • Sheila Wray Gregoire’s balanced and open approach provides practical advice and clear information, making the book a valuable resource for couples looking to enhance their sexual intimacy.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (2012) is a playbook designed to unlock enduring passion in your marriage. It blends faith, self-love, and open communication for transformative sexual satisfaction.

Introduction: Rewrite your sexual rapture through self-love and faith.

The narrative around sexual satisfaction often veers toward a binary division of “good girls” and “bad girls.” Society has seemingly cast these roles in stone: the promiscuous, unattached bad girls frolic in sexual liberation, while married good girls who believe in God and monogamous love remain confined to the shadows of sexual puritanism.

This division perpetuates a myth that great sex is exclusive to just one group. But what if being a good girl doesn’t inhibit you from experiencing a rich, fulfilling sex life? What if maintaining your good girl traits is actually the key to unlocking a world of satisfaction and sexual self-discovery?

That’s the premise of this summary. It’s high time we debunked the myth that good girls can’t or don’t enjoy sex. Instead, let’s shamelessly undress your unique sexual needs, desires, and the vast potential for pleasure – and show the world that great sex is a good girl’s game.

Book Summary: The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex - Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot

Sex up your love life with self-love

There’s a potent catalyst for igniting your love life, and it isn’t nestled in a risqué movie scene or the pages of an erotic novel. In fact, it’s inside of you. And it’s called self-love.

Societal expectations, mainstream culture, and unrealistic beauty norms often deprive women of their ability to appreciate their bodies. Let’s counteract these pressures and reclaim the empowerment that self-love can yield.

Self-love transcends mere physical appeal; it means embracing your individuality and distinctiveness. Your body narrates the story of your life. It may exhibit stretch marks signifying the journey of motherhood or scars that reflect health battles. These so-called imperfections shouldn’t be concealed – they’re badges of honor!

Unwavering self-love, when radiated outward, materializes as confidence. The allure of a woman who is comfortable in her skin is priceless. This confidence communicates a formidable message to your partner: behold a woman who recognizes her worth, loves herself, and isn’t apprehensive about expressing it. This allure is magnetic and enchanting, creating the perfect atmosphere for passion and intimacy.

But you can’t achieve self-love with a snap of the fingers. It’s a journey that requires patience, empathy, and diligence. To lay this foundation, you have to reinterpret internal narratives, contest long-standing beliefs, and embrace vulnerability. The path may be challenging, but the reward is invaluable: a deep sense of self-worth that remains unswayed by societal pressure.

So, where to begin?

You can start your self-love journey with small affirmations, and by celebrating your body every day. Pay yourself compliments in the mirror, adorn your body in a manner that makes you feel gorgeous, and do activities that enhance your self-esteem. Journal your thoughts to hone introspection. Remember, there’s no “perfect” body – only one you can respect (and you’re in it)!

With self-love comes self-assuredness, a trait that smooths the path for open, honest, and satisfying sexual experiences. So, let’s bid farewell to the insecurities and misconceptions that hinder us from enjoying the sexual satisfaction we rightfully deserve.

Habitual self-love makes it easier to understand what it takes to build sexual satisfaction in your marriage, which we’ll unpack in the next section.

The threefold secret to satisfying sex

Pleasure, intimacy, and mutuality are the three cardinal pillars that form the bedrock of long-term sexual satisfaction. Let’s unpack each one.

Contrary to societal standards, pleasure doesn’t rely on conforming to a specific body type or appearance. It blossoms from a deep understanding of the body – an intricate landscape of pleasure points and sensitivities. Unveiling these can lead to a fulfilling journey of self-discovery that results in heightened sensations and delight. Getting acquainted with your vulva and your unique path to orgasm, for instance, can enhance your personal pleasure.

Then comes intimacy, which infuses a deeper significance to the physical act of sex. Being intimate fosters a strong emotional connection in your marriage that’s powerful enough to eclipse any temporary sexual hiccups. Why dwell on occasional instances of fatigue or awkward positions when you understand that, deep down, everything is OK? This kind of trust is the cornerstone of intimacy. To build it, consistently strive for vulnerability with your partner. You may be surprised at their responsiveness when you open up emotionally during intimate moments.

Finally, there’s mutuality. Sex isn’t a solitary act. It’s a duet – a rhythmic dance of two individuals with distinct desires, expectations, and boundaries. Acknowledging and honoring these differences ensures a harmonious balance of pleasure and satisfaction. By treating each other equally, you and your partner can foster a culture of consent, mutual respect, and shared enjoyment – all of which culminate in a gratifying sex life.

These three components create the blueprint for a rewarding sexual journey. They form the bedrock of self-love, emotional bonding, and mutual respect – transforming sex from a mere physical act to a profound and immensely pleasurable expression of love.

Now, let’s look at how to integrate these principles into your intimate experiences with effective bedroom communication.

The art of bedroom communication

Conversations surrounding sexual desires, expectations, and boundaries are often shrouded in embarrassment, unease, or fear of rejection. It’s time to challenge these barriers and embrace the transformative potential of candid, sex-positive dialogue. After all, successful communication in the bedroom is the linchpin of a rich sexual relationship.

Genuine, intimate talks go beyond establishing likes and dislikes; they foster a bond that encourages honesty, mutual respect, and understanding. It’s about nurturing enough trust to disclose your deepest desires, secret fantasies, and silent apprehensions. Once you’re comfortable unveiling these intimate aspects, it gets a lot easier to enhance your experiences in the bedroom.

Your partner can’t and won’t ever have mind-reading abilities. What may seem obvious to you might be entirely unknown to them. So articulating your desires and establishing clear expectations is essential to prevent misunderstandings. On top of that, your transparency encourages your partner to reciprocate, cultivating a space of mutual trust and respect.

Authentic pillow talk might initially seem daunting or awkward, but remember: each journey commences with a single step. Start with more approachable topics like clothing preferences – Do you think barely-there lingerie is the pinnacle of sexy? A T-shirt? Nothing at all? – before progressing to more complex discussions like role-playing or kinks.

Open communication holds the potential to evolve your sex life. As you and your partner grow closer and uncover new aspects of your shared sexuality, your discussions will broaden and deepen. This commitment to dialogue will fuel the passion within your marriage.

The more you share with your partner, the closer you’ll inch toward making pleasure a habit. Ultimately, mastering intimate communication will set you up to explore dimensions of sex beyond the physical – which is what we’ll discuss next.

Sex is never just physical

Through sincere and continual dialogue, you’ll realize that sex transcends the physical domain that society often confines it to. It’s a harmonious union of body, emotions, mind, and spirit. This nuanced perception of sex can pave the way for a more enriching and fulfilling sexual journey, as we’re about to see.

First up? Emotional intimacy. The mutual vulnerability and tender moments of connection inside and outside the bedroom all contribute to gratifying sex and a thriving marriage. Ever noticed how being emotionally intimate with your partner often leads to and amplifies physical pleasure?

Sex is also a deeply mental experience. It involves feeling desired, esteemed, and cherished. The profound mental satisfaction that comes from knowing you are loved and desired for who you are – rooted in shared values, ambitions, and faith – is irreplaceable.

And finally, sex is a sacred act of faith: a beautiful dance of two souls. It’s an intimate communion that strengthens the bond between partners, infusing depth and significance into the act. This spiritual aspect imbues a sense of peace, tranquility, and fulfillment that goes far beyond the physical realm.

A holistic perspective of sex encourages you to tend to your physical needs while nurturing your emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness. In the next section, we’ll look more at how faith can serve as a guiding force – empowering you as a good girl to uphold your inner values while experiencing delightful, satisfying sex.

How faith fuels the sexual fire

Let’s get real about how faith and sex can harmoniously coexist.

First off, dispel any notions that faithfulness dulls the spark of your sexuality. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex is a divine, fiery fusion of love and commitment. The key is to see it through the prism of positivity, reverence, and mutual consent.

Consider faith an asset that adds depth to your sexual exploration. It sculpts a unique space where love, respect, and satisfaction flourish in a splendid metaphorical garden. It serves as your moral lighthouse amid tempestuous seas of desire, guiding you to uphold your values while still having an exhilarating experience.

Here’s the thing: although people often link sex to desire, pleasure, and relaxation, it’s also an intense expression of love grounded in faith. In short, it’s all about the art of making love. Making love isn’t about impressive gymnastics or marathon-like endurance. It’s about immersing yourself so deeply into your partner that you blur the line between where you end, and they begin – mirroring our spiritual surrender to the divine.

Now, tell the truth: How often do you say “I love you” during your intimate encounters? If the answer is “seldom” or “never,” it’s time to change that! Those tender, divinely approved words can be an erotic mantra, facilitating a deeper emotional and spiritual bond alongside physical pleasure. This way, sex morphs from a mere act of passion to a healing realm for emotional scars, and a celebration of shared love and commitment. Isn’t that the essence of having faith in the divine?

It’s important to note that faith should never be weaponized as a tool for pressure or control in our sexual lives. It’s meant to be a guiding light, not a source of guilt or shame. It should facilitate open dialogue, foster understanding, and instill respect.

Speaking of moral lighthouses, establishing and maintaining your boundaries is vital. They can empower you to spice up your sex life without compromising your spiritual well-being. Let’s delve into this further.

The gift of boundaries

When chasing the big O, we sometimes stumble on a word that gets a bad rap: boundaries. But you know what? Boundaries aren’t the party poopers they’re made out to be. They’re the safety gear that keeps us comfy, consensual, and in the moment.

Understanding and respecting boundaries helps us set the stage for a safe, cozy space where we can playfully explore our sexual selves. These boundaries could be emotional comfort zones, physical limits, or moral and ethical guidelines we want to adhere to. The key is to define and express them clearly – it’s like setting the rules for an intimate game.

One powerful way to set boundaries is by tackling past sexual experiences before tying the knot – it’ll save a ton of drama down the line. So give each other the lowdown. You don’t have to get into all the graphic bits, but provide a clear picture of your relationships and encounters. If there was trauma involved, share as much as you can – and don’t shy away from getting professional help. And be sure to address any history with porn, because that can be a major intimacy wrecker.

Ultimately, only stick around if you can truly embrace each other’s past. True love and, yes, mind-blowing sex, can only thrive in an environment of total respect and honesty.

Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that respecting boundaries makes you uptight or prudish. On the contrary! It shows that you deeply respect your own worth, as well as that of your partner. It also proves you’re a grown-up who values mutual respect and consent in your sexiest moments.

Keep in mind that boundaries aren’t cemented for eternity. As we change and grow, our boundaries evolve too. It’s important to make this evolution a mindful, respectful process that considers both parties’ intimacy-building preferences. That means having regular check-ins to revisit and negotiate your bedroom and life ground rules – which, as you know, will be a breeze if you’ve got your communication game down pat.

With these firewalls around your commitment to sexual intimacy, you’ll be able to enjoy amazing sex and maintain a rock-solid marriage.


Achieving sexual satisfaction involves a beautiful journey of self-discovery centered around an empowering truth: you don’t have to compromise your values or comfort zones to have a great sex life. All you really need is self-love, an open mind toward sex, effective communication in bed, positive boundaries, and an unwavering faith in God.

Make love, not war!

About the author

Sheila Wray Gregoire has become “the Christian sex lady” as she talks sex all day, all the time on her Bare Marriage podcast and Bare blog, the largest single-blogger marriage blog on the internet. She’s also an award-winning author of nine books and a sought-after speaker who loves encouraging couples to go beyond Christian pat answers to find real-life solutions. And she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.


Sex, Relationships, Religion, Spirituality, Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Sexuality, Self Help, Faith, Romance, Health, Love, Christian Life, Bibles, Christianity

Table of Contents

Preface xi

Part 1 The Beauty of Sex
Introduction: Let’s Talk Good Girls and Great Sex 1
1 The Three Ingredients of Great Sex 8

Part 2 The Three Aspects of Intimacy
Physical Intimacy
2 Great Sex Basics 27
3 Lighting the Fireworks 41
4 Reaching for the Stars 58
Spiritual Intimacy
5 Learning to Make Love, Not Just Have Sex 83
6 A Pure, Holy, and Hot Marriage 103
Relational Intimacy
7 Becoming Best Friends 125

Part 3 The Journey to Great Sex
8 From Fizzle to Sizzle for Her 145
9 From Fizzle to Sizzle for Him 158
10 The Sex Cycle: Learning to Give 171
11 Hungering for Each Other 193

Appendix 1 How to Have an Amazing Honeymoon 209
Appendix 2 Discussion Questions 229
Acknowledgments 237
Notes 241


“The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” by Sheila Wray Gregoire is a candid and comprehensive guide for women seeking to enhance their sexual satisfaction within the context of a loving and committed marriage. The book combines practical advice, personal anecdotes, and a strong emphasis on the importance of communication and emotional connection in a marital relationship. Gregoire’s approach is rooted in a Christian perspective, encouraging readers to embrace a holistic view of sex that values both physical and emotional intimacy.

The book is divided into several sections that address various aspects of sexual well-being, such as understanding one’s own body, enhancing communication with a partner, exploring fantasies and desires, and breaking down common misconceptions about sex and relationships. Sheila Wray Gregoire offers practical exercises and tools to help women build a fulfilling and passionate marriage.

“The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” is a refreshing and insightful book that provides a much-needed perspective on sexual intimacy within a Christian marriage. Sheila Wray Gregoire combines her own experiences with her professional expertise to offer a balanced and open discussion of a topic that is often considered taboo in conservative circles.

One of the book’s strengths is its emphasis on communication and emotional connection as fundamental components of a satisfying sexual relationship. Gregoire advocates for open, honest, and loving conversations between partners about their desires, boundaries, and expectations. Her approach is grounded in a belief that sexual intimacy is a crucial aspect of a healthy marriage and should be approached with respect and a focus on mutual pleasure.

The book is highly educational and practical. Gregoire provides clear information about female anatomy, sexual responses, and practical tips for enhancing the physical and emotional aspects of a sexual relationship. Her candid writing style helps to break down barriers and create a sense of empowerment for women who may have felt shy or uncertain about discussing these topics.

It’s important to note that the book’s Christian perspective may not resonate with all readers, as personal beliefs and values regarding sexuality can vary significantly. However, Gregoire’s approach is respectful and inclusive, making the book accessible to a wide range of audiences.

In conclusion, “The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” is a valuable resource for Christian women seeking to improve their sexual satisfaction within the context of a loving and committed marriage. Sheila Wray Gregoire’s emphasis on communication, emotional connection, and mutual pleasure offers a holistic approach to sexual well-being that can benefit many couples. The book is a testament to the idea that a fulfilling sex life is not only compatible with Christian values but can also enhance the bond between partners.

Alex Lim is a certified book reviewer and editor with over 10 years of experience in the publishing industry. He has reviewed hundreds of books for reputable magazines and websites, such as The New York Times, The Guardian, and Goodreads. Alex has a master’s degree in comparative literature from Harvard University and a PhD in literary criticism from Oxford University. He is also the author of several acclaimed books on literary theory and analysis, such as The Art of Reading and How to Write a Book Review. Alex lives in London, England with his wife and two children. You can contact him at [email protected] or follow him on Website | Twitter | Facebook

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