In The Light We Carry (2022) #TheLightWeCarry, former First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, tackles complex questions about community, identity, and relationships with trademark warmth and honesty. Obama believes we all carry a light inside us – in this book, she tells us how to shine that light so it illuminates the potential for hope and healing, and pathways toward a better world.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Find purpose and courage with wisdom from Michelle Obama.
Are you feeling increasingly isolated in a society that’s moving away from in-person connection?
Are you feeling shaken by upheaval, in your personal life or on the political stage?
Are you feeling anxious about the way the world is headed – and powerless to help?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Former first lady Michelle Obama hears from people like you every day. People who have heard her talk about using her voice to call out systemic problems and learned how she leans on deep friendships when she feels overwhelmed. People who’ve felt inspired by her famous response to the Republican presidential campaign’s smear tactics in 2016 – “When they go low, we go high!”
But they also want to know…how? How do you use your voice to tackle the issues that matter to you most? How, in an increasingly divided society, do you form and nourish connections that can sustain you? How do you go high?
Perhaps that’s something you’ve been wondering about, too.
Obama doesn’t exactly have the answers. She acknowledges that we’re living in a world that can feel scary and out of control. That we negotiate every day with institutions that can seek to disenfranchise or silence us. That living with authenticity, boldness, and energy is hard. Really hard.
But she does have the firmly held belief that there’s a light inside all of us – a light of hope, joy, and empathy. The brighter we let our light shine, the better we can see the potential for deeper connection, greater understanding, and a fairer world.
Now, Obama is ready to share the strategies she’s used to kindle her light – and how she thinks you might be able to spark the light you carry, too.
Don’t be afraid to let your light shine
Inside you is a light – it’s a spark completely unique to you: your talents, your determination, your curiosity. What’s stopping you from letting that light shine out fully? Is it fear?
We all experience fear. The world is legitimately scary: pandemics, shootings, and ecological crises are all part of our shared reality. On top of that, many media outlets seek to actively exploit your fear, with news stories designed to keep you feeling anxious and afraid.
How can you overcome that fear?
Well, over the years, Michelle Obama has learned a secret about fear. In the White House, she rubbed shoulders with icons. People like Nelson Mandela and Maya Angelou. People who have overcome incredible challenges and spoken up in the most courageous ways imaginable. And here’s the thing: though these people appear fearless, they’re not. They all get scared. They all get nervous.
Your fears aren’t going away. If you want to let your light shine, you need to learn to live comfortably with them. Don’t let fear stop you. Let it guide you.
Here’s an insight into how Obama has learned to live with fear:
When she was four, Obama was cast in her church Christmas play. She was thrilled. There was just one problem. On the day of the dress rehearsal, there was a creepy looking animatronic turtle on the stage. It terrified her. She tearfully told her Great Aunt Robbie, who was directing the play, that she wouldn’t go onstage with the turtle.
Robbie told Obama the turtle wasn’t going anywhere. Obama could go onstage in her beautiful new dress and twirl for the audience. Or she could sit in the audience with her mother, and miss her big star turn. See, acting to avoid fear makes us feel safe – but there are consequences. Weighing up those consequences, Obama decided she wanted to perform more than she wanted to avoid the scary turtle. So that’s what she did.
When fear dictates our decisions, we miss out on a lot. We choose conformity and sameness over challenges and surprises. Keep making those choices and we can grow threatened by anyone who looks or thinks differently to us. When you feel afraid, ask yourself – am I genuinely scared? Or am I just trying to avoid exploring a new possibility?
Obama isn’t afraid of turtles anymore. But those “turtle moments” certainly haven’t gone away – in fact, sometimes they show up when she’s feeling safest and happiest. In 2006, for example. Obama had a great relationship with her husband, Barack, and two young daughters she adored. She was fulfilled in her career and loved living in Chicago. Then Barack told her he was thinking about running for president. What’s more, he’d only run if Michelle was okay with this decision – she had the final say.
Faced with this decision, Obama’s internal monologue went into overdrive. A presidential campaign would bring with it intense scrutiny of her family, stress, and upheaval. A successful campaign would mean a move to Washington and a completely new life. Saying no to Barack’s proposition would be a relief – it would mean things would stay the same, safe and comfortable.
In the years since 2006, Obama’s gotten better and better acquainted with that internal monologue. She calls it her fearful mind. When it starts talking, she talks back to it. When it tells her she’s not good enough, she asks it why not? When it tells her she shouldn’t tackle a problem, she asks it who else will if not me? She tries to deal consciously with her fearful mind, breaking down all its negative assumptions.
Back in 2006, Obama’s fearful mind was in overdrive. But then she asked herself: What am I actually afraid of here? It all came down to one word: change. She had no idea how their lives would look after this change. But then she reminded herself how many times she and Barack had tried something new – and thrived. From leaving their families, to changing careers, to becoming parents. Turning down a challenge just because it felt new and different just didn’t sit right with her. You won’t be surprised to learn that Obama said yes – Barack should run for President. Two years later, the Obamas became the first Black family to ever live in the White House.
So, next time you hear your own fearful mind, listen to it. Listen to all the ways it encourages you to avoid change. To stay in your comfort zone. To keep your world small.
Then ask it: Why don’t we try doing something that makes our world bigger for once?
Shine your light outward into friendships and community
Barack Obama’s first inauguration in 2009 was a celebrity-studded event. Attendees and performers included four former Presidents and five former Vice Presidents, as well as Oprah Winfrey, Stephen Spielberg, Muhammad Ali, Beyonce, and legendary civil rights activist, Congressman John Lewis.
But the people Obama was most excited to spot in the crowd might surprise you. She was excited to see Elizabeth, a friend who had flown in from New Haven to be there. Verna, who’d known Obama since they were both in law school together. And Kelly, who’d weathered all the storms of pregnancy and parenthood side-by-side with Obama.
Michelle Obama credits her professional success and her personal happiness not just to her partner, Barack, or her family, but to the incredibly tight knit network of friends she’s cultivated and maintained over her lifetime. Whatever happens – whether there’s a family tragedy or a dress-code dilemma – Obama knows friendship, wisdom, and support are only ever a phone call away. She treasures and relies on her friends, just as they rely on her.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe, though, hearing about Obama’s strong, nourishing friendships makes you feel kind of jealous, or even sad. If you feel like you’re struggling to connect with others, or cut adrift from your community, take some comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Increasingly, your experience is becoming the norm.
In 2014, Barack Obama appointed Dr. Vivek Murthy to the role of surgeon general. Murthy kicked things off by going on a nationwide tour of the United States, talking to everyone he could about their health and wellbeing concerns. Chief among them? Loneliness. It affects people from all walks of life yet, in a society that values self-reliance, there’s a stigma to admitting you crave the friendship and company of others. In recent years, social media – where carefully curated picture-perfect updates seem designed to make you feel alone and inadequate – and the COVID-19 pandemic have exacerbated the loneliness epidemic. And yes, it is an epidemic – loneliness has long-term implications for mental health. Research has shown that someone experiencing loneliness actually finds it harder to trust and connect with others, creating a vicious cycle of sorts, where disconnection and isolation compound.
But loneliness and isolation can be overcome.
There’s a reason Obama has such a strong, connected network of friends. She works at friendship, with the same focus and energy she works at her career and her family. Friendship is that important to her. And she doesn’t find making new friends easy. Do you feel self-conscious or awkward asking someone if they’d like to hang out with you, maybe grab a coffee sometime? Obama sympathizes. She’s always found it challenging to bridge the gap between being acquaintances and being friends – even more so, now that potential new friends have to deal with her high-profile lifestyle and intimidating security detail. Obama calls this potentially-awkward moment the Ignition Point. Navigate that point successfully, and you open yourself up to new connections and relationships. If the Ignition Point feels too fraught for you, it might help to change the way you frame it. It’s easy to focus on yourself in this moment – you’re feeling vulnerable and afraid of rejection. Try focusing on the person you’d like to connect with, instead. It’s an act of kindness and curiosity to say, I’d like to know you more. It’s an affirmation to acknowledge that you see the light inside someone else. By reaching out, you’re giving them a gift. There’s nothing awkward or shameful about that.
One light kindles another. When you see the light in someone else, you help it burn brighter. And the same thing happens when you let someone see the light in you.
Don’t let darkness dim your light
In 2016, Barack Obama was the outgoing President of the United States. Campaigning for office were the Democrat candidate Hilary Clinton and the Republican candidate Donald Trump. The campaign was hotly contested. Trump, in his bid for office, often appealed to people’s fears and anxieties. He told voters that the nation was being swamped by illegal immigrants, that American cities were violent and dysfunctional, that the economy was on the brink of collapse – and that only he could fix the problem.
At a rally in support of Clinton, Obama remembers wanting to remind voters that they could choose to vote out of hope, optimism, and principle rather than out of fear and self-interest. She shared with the crowd an expression the Obama family often used around the dinner table, and one that would go on to become one of her most memorable phrases: “When they go low, we go high.” It was a reminder to keep perspective, to ignore petty attacks, to commit to higher objectives. Going high, according to Obama, means drawing a line and asking yourself – which side do I want to be on here?
The phrase resonated. But, like many simple mottos, while it’s easy to remember and repeat, it can be a lot harder to put into practice. In the years since 2016, lots of people have questioned Obama about going high. In this time, there’s been a pandemic. Russia has invaded Ukraine. In the US, elected officials sought to undermine the democratic process. Black people are disproportionately assaulted and even murdered by the police. Trans rights are still treated as though they are up for debate. As are the rights of gay people, people of color, women – the list goes on. After all these fresh outrages, and while we still carry all these old wounds, these people want to know: Are we still supposed to go high?
Obama’s answer is simple.
Yes.
It might not feel like “going high” has really worked out. But going high is a process. And it won’t always bring immediate results. Here’s how Obama herself practices going high.
She pauses before she reacts. Going high means following your best impulses. Building in a pause, even when you’re provoked, gives you time to sort through your emotions. When you’re insulted or threatened, it’s okay to feel rage, hurt, and disappointment. It’s human – it’s healthy. But remember, emotions are not plans. Rage won’t solve problems and hurt won’t right injustices. Pause to feel your feelings and then work out, clearly and calmly, how you want to respond.
Obama makes a distinction between responding and merely reacting. More and more of us, she feels, are content with reacting to issues: hitting “like” or “share” on a social media post isn’t the same as actually doing something. Being active online and being an activist are two very different things. Things that can make a difference? A vote makes a difference. Engaging with your community makes a difference. Donating your time and talents to causes you believe in makes a difference. Showing compassion and gratitude for those around you makes a difference. And with each of these actions, your light will burn brighter.
Some people will have to fight harder to go high than others. As a Black woman, Obama knows this. Going high and shining her light means exposing herself to threats, insults, and bigotry. If you’re in a similar position, here is Obama’s advice to you: keep the poison out and keep the power in. Stay focused on what you’re doing and who you’re doing it for. As first lady, whenever the media scrutiny and stereotyping grew too much to bear, Obama would rearrange her schedule to visit a school. Spending time with kids always reminds her that we’re all born free of hate and prejudice – Obama is going high for them. Who are you going high for?
Summary
The key message of this summary to The Light we Carry is that, even in overwhelmingly challenging global circumstances, each of us can be a force for connection and change. Focus on nourishing the spark inside you, kindling the light in others, and keep shining your light in spite of any darkness.
Genres
Motivation, Inspiration, Personal Development, Biography, Memoir, African American General Biography
African American Women’s Biography, , First Ladies & Families – Biography, Self-Improvement, Community, Culture, Memoirs of Women, Personal Transformation
About the Author
Michelle Obama served as First Lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017. A graduate of Princeton University and Harvard Law School, Mrs. Obama started her career as an attorney at the Chicago law firm Sidley & Austin, where she met her future husband, Barack Obama. She later worked in the Chicago mayor’s office, at the University of Chicago, and at the University of Chicago Medical Center. Mrs. Obama also founded the Chicago chapter of Public Allies, an organization that prepares young people for careers in public service. She is the author of the #1 global bestseller Becoming and the #1 national bestseller American Grown. The Obamas currently live in Washington, D.C., and have two daughters, Malia and Sasha.
Table of Contents
Introduction 3
Part 1
Chapter 1 The Power of Small 23
Chapter 2 Decoding Fear 51
Chapter 3 Starting Kind 77
Chapter 4 Am I Seen? 89
Part 2
Chapter 5 My Kitchen Table 121
Chapter 6 Partnering Well 151
Chapter 7 Meet My Mom 187
Part 3
Chapter 8 The Whole of Us 217
Chapter 9 The Armor We Wear 245
Chapter 10 Going High 269
Acknowledgments 301
Resources 307
Notes 309
Photograph Credits 317
Review
The book is a personal and inspirational account of how Michelle Obama copes with the challenges and uncertainties of the modern world. The author, Michelle Obama, is the former First Lady of the United States and the best-selling author of Becoming. She shares the contents of her “personal toolbox” – the habits and practices, attitudes and beliefs, and even physical objects that she uses to overcome her feelings of fear, helplessness, and self-doubt. She also offers advice and guidance to her readers on how to find their own light and use it to make a positive difference in their lives and in the world.
The book is divided into four parts: The Light Within, The Light Around, The Light Ahead, and The Light We Share. In each part, Obama explores a different aspect of finding and carrying the light in uncertain times. She covers topics such as:
- How to cultivate gratitude, joy, hope, and faith in oneself and in a higher power
- How to nurture one’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being
- How to connect with one’s family, friends, community, and nature
- How to set goals, plan ahead, take action, and adapt to change
- How to deal with stress, anxiety, grief, and loss
- How to cope with criticism, negativity, and hostility
- How to embrace diversity, inclusion, and empathy
- How to contribute to social justice, environmental sustainability, and global peace
The book is full of practical tips, examples, anecdotes, and insights from Obama’s own experience as well as from other people who inspire her. The book also includes exercises, questions, and challenges for the readers to apply the concepts and principles to their own lives.
The book is an engaging and informative read for anyone who wants to learn more about how to overcome in uncertain times. Obama’s writing style is clear, concise, and compelling. She uses simple language, analogies, metaphors, stories, and examples to explain complex concepts and convey her messages. She also injects humor, passion, and empathy into her writing, making it more relatable and motivating.
The book is not a dry or boring self-help manual, but a lively and relevant conversation that reflects the current state of affairs and debates on finding solace in nature. Obama draws on her own personal and professional experience as a former First Lady, a lawyer, a writer, a speaker, and a mother. She shares her own stories of struggle and success with finding light in various contexts such as politics, media, education, health care, and community.
The book is not a one-sided or biased presentation, but a balanced and objective analysis that acknowledges the complexity and diversity of human emotions and experiences. Obama does not claim to have all the answers or the ultimate solutions. She acknowledges the limitations and uncertainties of her arguments as well as the potential trade-offs and ethical dilemmas involved. She also respects the views and values of her readers and encourages them to think critically and independently about the issues and options.
Overall, however, the book is a must-read for anyone who wants to understand and appreciate the life and work of Michelle Obama. It challenges us to think differently and act differently in pursuit of our goals and values. It reminds us that we are all part of a complex and dynamic world that is constantly evolving and transforming. And it urges us not to waste this opportunity to find solace in nature.