Summary: Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace by Christine Porath

• Do you want to learn how to be more respectful, influential, and effective at work? Do you want to create a work environment that fosters collaboration, creativity, and well-being? If so, you might want to read Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace by Christine Porath. In this book summary and review, I will give you an overview of the main ideas and insights from the book.
• If you are interested in learning more about how civility can enhance your personal and professional success, I invite you to read the full book summary below.

Nice guys finish first. That’s not just a saying, it’s a principle backed up by research. According to civility researcher Christine Porath, treating people with respect creates more productive work environments and boosts companies’ bottom lines. Even just small gestures of politeness performed throughout the day can lead to lasting positive change.

This article is a summary of Porath’s book, Mastering Civility – a practical guide for leaders who want to infuse civility into their corporate cultures and for individuals striving to exert a more positive influence.

Recommendation

How people treat each other matters. “Incivility” in the workplace is rampant and worsening. Organizations that ignore or allow bullying, rudeness, and other disrespectful behaviors suffer lost productivity and employee disengagement. Management professor Christine Porath conducted extensive research on workplace “civility,” surveying thousands of people worldwide in organizations large and small. Porath designed her practical guide for leaders who want to infuse civility into their corporate cultures and for individuals striving to exert a more positive influence. We recommend this manual on workplace relations to HR professionals, leaders, small-business owners and everyone whose mom already told them to be nice.

Take-Aways

• Workplace “incivility” is on the rise.
• Incivility assaults people’s physical and psychological health.
• Workplace rudeness generates lack of productivity, disengagement, absenteeism and turnover.
• Often, people are unaware of how their behavior affects others, though unintentional rudeness can be as destructive as deliberate incivility.
• In contrast, “civility” makes people feel valued and appreciated.
• To increase workplace civility, share “resources, recognition, gratitude, feedback” and “purpose.”
• Focus on the basics, such as smiling and saying thank you.
• Email etiquette requires exercising self-control, using a respectful tone and valuing other people’s time.
• Solicit feedback to identify your failings and target areas for improvement.
• Develop a “sense of thriving” within yourself as a defense against workplace incivility.
• Ask yourself how consistent you are in everyday things
• Ask others what you can do to improve yourself in the workplace
• Being rude does not help you get higher up in your company
• Be mindful of how you’re treating others

Summary

The Growing Loss of Workplace “Civility”

Imagine this scenario: An entertainment company decides layoffs are necessary. As the vice president breaks the news to a loyal employee, the general manager works nearby with his feet propped on the table, ignoring the exchange and expressing no empathy toward the worker. Such displays of rude behavior makes people feel slighted, ignored and disrespected.

“How you treat people means everything – whether they will trust you, build relationships with you, follow you, support you and work hard for you, or not.”

Unfortunately, rudeness is on the rise. In the “Civility in America 2016” survey, 95% of respondents said “incivility” is a major problem in the United States. Workplace incivility takes many forms: making calls or texting during meetings, yelling at employees, belittling or heckling subordinates, taking credit for someone else’s work or ideas, and undermining other people’s efforts. Often, people are uncivil when they’re tired or stressed. Generally, they’re not aware of how their actions affect others. Yet, unintentional rudeness is also destructive. When someone feels hurt, it doesn’t matter if the precipitating behavior wasn’t deliberate.

“To make the greatest impact in your business and to get the most out of your career, choose the path of respectfulness over rudeness.”

Certain trends have caused incivility to increase since 1998. Globalization brings people from different cultures into contact with one another. What is seen as acceptable in one culture may be perceived as rude in another. Remote work and other arrangements put pressure on office relationships. Increased workloads cause stress and make people feel overwhelmed, causing them to lash out. Some employees mimic their leaders’ and co-workers’ behavior. People misread texts and emails, because the written notes lack the nuance of face-to-face and phone interactions.

Incivility Carries Heavy Costs, But Civility Pays Big Dividends

The typical reaction to incivility is stress, which can trigger health problems and can result in more instances of abrupt or rude behavior. Rudeness also extracts a psychological toll. When someone treats people meanly at work, they lose concentration and their performance suffers. They become less creative, have more difficulty making decisions, and have trouble processing or recalling information. People don’t easily recover from the negative affect of rudeness. Even low-intensity events or single incidents can diminish their focus and cognitive abilities.

“Feeling genuinely appreciated lifts people up. It energizes. It’s also a powerful tool for encouraging the right behaviors.”

Workplace relationship problems have significant costs for employers in the form of lost productivity, absenteeism and turnover. Dealing with incivility takes an average 13% of managers’ time as they work to mend relationships and deal with the aftermath of crass behavior. Rudeness causes recipients to be less likely to welcome feedback or initiate interactions. Their willingness to help others or share information drops significantly. Experiencing rudeness can trigger negative or aggressive thoughts, although victims may not understand the association.

Civility Pays Off

Behaving politely toward others conveys respect and regard. It lifts people up. A smile, a cheerful greeting and a compliment make people feel valued and appreciated. When a leader treats employees in a respectful way, the leaders’ status increases along with the employees’ motivation. People work harder for warm, approachable bosses they respect and admire.

“You have more control than you think. Your attitude, mind-set and willfulness can make all the difference.”

Civility helps people succeed. People enjoy collaborating with someone who is cooperative and respectful. Seeking people’s input, listening to their ideas, thanking them for their efforts and sharing credit with them increases productivity. Team members feel safe in a civil environment, which frees them to take risks and offer suggestions. Civility spreads just as pervasively as incivility since people reciprocate behavior. Rudeness reverberates through an organization. Victims of rudeness behave rudely toward others. After an incident of bad manners, break the cycle of rudeness by reinforcing civility with a positive or polite interaction.

A Kinder, Gentler You

How civil are you? Examine yourself about a range of behaviors, from positive, such as saying please and thank you, to negative, such as texting or using email during meetings, interrupting, blaming others, spreading rumors, ignoring invitations, making snide remarks, or failing to listen.

Seven Strategies for Civility Feedback

After your self-assessment, use seven strategies to lobby for feedback from others:

1. “Ask for focused feedback on your best and worst behaviors” – Ask 10 to 15 trusted friends and co-workers to provide examples of how you’ve behaved in positive and negative ways and to identify areas for improvement.
2. “Work with a coach” – A professional coach can observe your behavior in various work situations and provide objective analysis and suggestions.
3. “Conduct a team tune-up: Use colleagues or friends as coaches” – Have teammates coach each other and hold each other accountable.
4. “Get 360° feedback” – Ask your superiors, colleagues and direct reports to provide feedback and suggest how you might change.
5. “Teach yourself how to read emotions” – Observe people in various settings and try to discern their feelings by observing their facial expressions, body language and gestures.
6. “Make time for reflection” – Keep a journal to record when you were at your best or when you lost your temper to detect your patterns and underlying motives.
7. “Take care of yourself” – Stave off stress by practicing sound eating habits, exercising, getting enough sleep, meditating and being mindful.

Civility 101

Begin the journey to improved civility for yourself and your organization by focusing on the three basics. The first “civility fundamental” requires you to smile more. When you smile, you feel happier and more relaxed; you lift other people’s moods. The second fundamental is to build authentic relationships with your staff members. Get to know them, encourage them to get to know one another, and acknowledge their work and efforts. The third fundamental is to sharpen your listening skills. Get rid of distractions, focus your attention, make eye contact and ask questions. When people know they’ve been heard, they feel a deeper sense of connection. To process the information coming at you every second, your brain takes shortcuts, categorizing people to facilitate quick decisions. This can lead to behavior that seems rude. Operating on autopilot, you might assume an older person has a bad memory or a middle-aged person is struggling with technology. When these innate biases remain in your subconscious and shape your actions, they lead to unfair workplace practices. Incorporate impartial, balanced processes into your decisions about hiring, performance evaluation and promotions. Seek people’s opinions. Make relevant decisions by consulting committees with diverse members. Educate other people about the negative impact of unconscious bias in the workplace.

Five Forms of Giving

Adopt a “giving mind-set” to promote a respectful work environment. When people share knowledge, resources and connections, civility becomes the norm. Five forms of giving are most effective in creating an affirming atmosphere:

1. “Share resources” – Collaborate with your co-workers to forge closer relationships. Create value by sharing “informational, social and personal” resources.
2. “Share recognition” – Give credit to everyone who contributes.
3. “Share gratitude” – Thank people for their efforts, and reward positive behaviors.
4. “Share feedback” – Provide specific, positive feedback immediately when you catch someone in the act of doing something well. People feel acknowledged and valued when they receive regular positive updates on their performance. Offer negative feedback in a “safe space” so recipients don’t feel defensive or humiliated. Use negative feedback purposefully to provide guidance and help people improve.
5. “Share purpose” – Show people their work has meaning and furthers the firm’s goals.

Email Etiquette

In 2001, Neal Patterson, the CEO of Cerner Corporation, sent an email to his workforce reprimanding them for not working the long hours he expected. He threatened to withhold promotions until the employee parking lots stayed full from early morning until late at night. The email became public. Cerner stock fell 22%, costing the company around $300 million. The lesson: Never send an email while angry, stressed or upset. Never be overly informal or too verbose, don’t hit Reply All unnecessarily and don’t fail to respond to your email. Fundamentals of email etiquette include using self-control, writing in a respectful tone and valuing your correspondents’ time. Include a clear subject line. Be concise; use proper grammar, punctuation and spelling; and copy only those who need a copy. Don’t send an email when the conversation is better delivered face-to-face or on the phone. Don’t include anything in an email that you wouldn’t say in person. Humor and sarcasm seldom work in text.

“Lift Your Organization”

The “cycle to civility” begins with recruiting and hiring. University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) basketball coach John Wooden once visited a potential recruit. When the player’s mother politely asked a question, the recruit admonished her saying, “How can you be so ignorant? Just keep your mouth shut and listen to what Coach says!” Wooden rescinded the scholarship offer. The player succeeded elsewhere, but Wooden never regretted his decision. He thought the player’s attitude might corrupt his team’s values. During interviews, pay attention to the way candidates behave. Ask them to describe their past behavior and to give you examples. Discuss how they handle anger and stress. Observe how they speak about their former employers. Follow up with employees who interacted with your potential hire, such as receptionists or parking lot attendants. Research how candidates behaved in previous jobs.

Codes and Coaches

Every employee should know that civility matters. Describe how they should treat one another. Publish a basic code of conduct. Emphasize civility repeatedly; notice when it occurs. Employees at Bryan Cave, a California law firm, debated which civility tenets matter. Their 10-point Code of Civility states: “We greet and acknowledge each other”; “We treat each other equally and with respect, no matter the conditions”; and “We respect each other’s time commitments.”

Scoring and Practice

If civil behavior matters to your organization, put systems in place to track it. Wooden gave post-season awards to players who best embodied the team’s values. Focus less on results and more on how people achieve them. Evaluate employees against metrics that highlight civility, such as collaboration, empowerment, respect and encouragement. Acknowledge and reward “all-star helpers” – employees who go above and beyond their job descriptions to help their colleagues. To teach good manners to employees whose behavior doesn’t meet your firm’s expectations of civility, use the four-step “feedback loop” from coaching expert Marshall Goldsmith: “evidence, relevance, consequence and action.” For evidence, provide examples of offensive behavior. Establish relevance by showing how this behavior undermines the person’s effectiveness as a leader. Create a corrective action plan. Offer to provide a coach or mentor to help the employee develop self-awareness. Follow up to see if people improve and to give them a sense of progress. If you must terminate, do so with respect and conduct exit interviews to enlist feedback.

“BIFF”

If you’re the victim of incivility in the workplace, you can’t control the other person’s behavior but you can manage your reaction. Take time to figure out a response plan calmly. If you decide to confront the offender, plan the conversation ahead of time. Focus on the issue rather than the individual. Listen closely to his or her response. Your goal is to agree on norms going forward. If you feel discussion is futile, follow the acronym BIFF in future interactions: “Be Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm.” Your best defense against incivility is to develop your own “sense of thriving.” The stronger you feel, the better you will handle adversity. Strengthen and reinforce your sense of thriving by finding purpose in your work and outside activities. Seek the support of a mentor, and build positive relationships in every area of your life.

About the author

Georgetown University associate professor of management Christine Porath consults with organizations on civility.

Christine Porath is Associate Professor of Management at the McDonough School of Business at Georgetown University. Porath travels the world working with leading organizations such as Google and the International Monetary Fund to help them solve the vexing problem of incivility.

Genres

Business Culture, Leadership, Self Help, Psychology, Language, Communication, Management, Workplace, Courtesy in the workplace, Employee morale, Employment, Interpersonal relations, Organizational behavior, Work environment, Business, Economics, Career

Table of Contents

Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Introduction
PART I: The Stakes: The High Costs of Incivility and the Potential Gains of Civility
Chapter 1: Clueless
Chapter 2: Sidelined
Chapter 3: Civility Buys Everything
Chapter 4: The Incivility Bug
PART II: Civility Checkup: How You Are Doing and How You Can Improve
Chapter 5: Are You Civil?
Chapter 6: The Fundamentals
Chapter 7: Judge Not
Chapter 8: Give More
Chapter 9: Practice E-civility
PART III: Lift Your Organization: Cycle to Civility
Chapter 10: Recruit
Chapter 11: Coach
Chapter 12: Score
Chapter 13: Practice
PART IV: Lift Yourself: Handling Incivility if You’re the Target
Chapter 14: Your Antidote to Incivility
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
Tools: Additional Actions to Become Your Best, Most Civil Self
Actions and Impact for Your Group and Organization
Notes
Recommended Resources
Newsletters

Review

The book Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace is a practical guide for leaders and employees who want to create a more respectful and productive work environment. The author, Christine Porath, is a professor of management and a leading researcher on workplace civility. She draws on scientific evidence, real-life examples, and personal stories to show how incivility, or rude and disrespectful behavior, can harm people, organizations, and society. She also provides strategies and tools to enhance civility, influence, and effectiveness in the workplace and beyond.

The book is divided into three parts. The first part explains the causes and consequences of incivility, such as stress, health problems, poor performance, disengagement, turnover, and loss of reputation. The second part offers seven ways to master civility, such as sharing resources, recognition, gratitude, feedback, and purpose; being present and attentive; choosing words wisely; respecting others’ time; and soliciting feedback. The third part provides tips and techniques to foster civility in oneself and others, such as developing a sense of thriving, practicing self-control, creating codes of conduct, coaching others, scoring and tracking progress, and using the BIFF method (brief, informative, friendly, firm) to respond to incivility.

The book Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to improve their interpersonal skills and professional relationships. The author combines academic rigor with practical advice to make a compelling case for the importance of civility in the workplace. She also provides actionable steps and examples to help readers implement civility in their daily interactions. The book is well-written, engaging, and easy to read. It is full of insights, anecdotes, and exercises that make the concepts come alive. The book is not only informative but also inspiring. It challenges readers to reflect on their own behavior and impact on others. It also encourages readers to take responsibility for creating a more civil and positive work culture.