Summary: Partnering: Forge the Deep Connections That Make Great Things Happen by Jean Oelwang

• What if you could learn the secrets of some of the most successful partnerships in history? How would that transform your personal and professional relationships? In this book review, I will summarize and evaluate the book Partnering: Forge the Deep Connections That Make Great Things Happen by Jean Oelwang.
• If you are interested in discovering how to create and sustain deep connections in all aspects of your life, you should definitely read this book. It will teach you the six principles of partnering that are common to all meaningful relationships. It will also show you how to expand your partnerships into large-scale collaborations that can solve global problems and create positive impact.

Partnering (2022) looks at what it takes to develop deep connections in both business and personal relationships. Drawing from interviews with some of the world’s most legendary partnerships, including Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, Nelson Mandela and Graça Machel, and the collective which saved the ozone, these summaries are a guide through the six principles of connection which can elevate your relationships and make an impact on the world.

Who is it for?

• Entrepreneurs
• People who are married or in a romantic partnership
• Anyone seeking to deepen their relationships

Foster deep connections to maximize your impact.

We live in an individualistic society – one that encourages us to strive for individual success and self-sufficiency, even if it means jeopardizing our relationships with our colleagues and loved ones. As a result, we’re in a crisis of loneliness and many of us are unable to create meaningful relationships in our workplace or our personal lives. But if we look closer, the core of both a meaningful life and the success of an organization are enduring partnerships. Leaders like the founders of Innocent Drinks and the collective which teamed together to close the ozone hole have become the best version of themselves and maximized their positive impact through nourishing their relationships.

Whether you’re looking to cultivate a partnership in business or deepen your relationship with your friends, family, or romantic partners, you’ve come to the right place. In this summary, you’ll learn the six principles of finding, building, and developing Deep Connections based on what Jean Oelwang has learned in over 60 interviews with business and life partners.

The path to a meaningful life is through Deep Connections.

At the time that she founded Virgin Unite, the charitable arm of the Virgin Group, Jean had two decades of career success under her belt. Before that, she’d helped start and develop mobile phone companies around the world. But the price of success had come with a cost. In order to prove herself as a successful female leader, she’d squeezed her friendships into calls from taxis and time with her family into fleeting fly-by visits.

Then one day in 2006, Jean got into a taxi in Johannesburg, South Africa with her friend Nicola Elliot and boss, Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group, and she headed to a meeting that fundamentally changed the way she thought about relationships. The taxi was bringing them to meet Nelson Mandela and his wife, Graça Machel, to discuss potential candidates for the Elders, which is an organization founded by Mandela and Machel in partnership with Richard and the musician Peter Gabriel. The candidates for the new organization were global world leaders who’d work together to address global conflicts.

When they arrived in Houghton, a leafy suburb of Johannesburg, Nicola, Richard, and Jean were greeted by Graça, whose radiance and generosity made her seem immediately familiar. Graça had been an education minister of Mozambique, a freedom fighter, and now, an advocate for women and children internationally. She was soon joined by Mandela in the living room, who, with his bright smile and towering stature, immediately filled the room with joy. But the room was also filled with another energy: the love that Graça and Mandela shared with one another. More than a romantic love, this was a deep connection that lifted each of them up to better achieve their life purposes.

Over the course of the meeting, Mandela shared countless stories about friends such as the former UN secretary-general Kofi Annan and the former United States president Jimmy Carter. It was that day that Jean realized Mandela had become the figure he’s known to be through his relationships. The Deep Connections that great leaders have with one another enables them to create something larger than themselves. Instead of the rampant individualism that society wants us to believe in, she realized, the meaning of life must be created through the Deep Connections we nurture with others.

The discovery set the author on a 15-year exploration of what it takes to build Deep Connections and collaborative initiatives in order to positively impact the world.

Elevate your life purpose through cultivating meaningful relationships.

Most people think of purpose as a solo endeavor. But actually, the most meaningful change tends to happen when people come together. So, the First Degree of Connection is elevating your life purpose by cultivating meaningful partnerships. By cultivating meaningful relationships, we have the potential to become a part of something bigger than ourselves. And in some cases, sharing a purpose might even lead to impactful changes on the entire world.

Take Professor Frank Sherwood Rowland, or, as his friends call him, “Sherry.” He founded the chemistry program at the University of California, Irvine, in 1964. In 1973, Mario Molina, a student from Mexico City, joined Sherry’s postdoctoral program. Together, the pair decided they would focus on what happens to chlorofluorocarbons, also known as CFCs, in the environment. At the time, CFCs were found in vast technologies from refrigerators and pesticides to deodorant and hairspray. Sherry and Mario knew that CFCs remained in the atmosphere. But their research led to an unimaginable discovery: CFCs carried to the stratosphere by wind currents were breaking down the earth’s ozone layer. The consequences of this would devastate the planet as we know it. Without the earth’s protective ozone shield in place, the sun’s ultraviolet radiation would destroy ecosystems, significantly increase skin cancer and cataracts, and ravage agriculture.

When Sherry and Mario published their discoveries in Nature in 1974, most people didn’t want to believe their findings. In the face of this, the two scientists began mobilizing business leaders, politicians, the public, and the media to take action. At first, they were attacked by companies which benefited from the multibillion-dollar CFC industry, who accused them of seeking publicity, as well as fellow scientists who felt that science had no place for activism. But Sherry and Mario continued their work since they were motivated by a shared purpose: the need to save humanity.

Ten years later, another team of scientists working at the South Pole found a “hole” in the ozone layer above the Antarctic. After that, other studies confirmed that the ozone layer was disappearing at an alarming rate. The world was finally starting to listen. In 1987, the Montreal Protocol was established, setting in motion a plan to ban CFCs and other chemicals harmful to the ozone layer. In time, 197 countries signed the agreement and Sherry and Mario even went on to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry.

When we create partnerships, we open ourselves up to the potential of creating something bigger than ourselves, our partners, and even our organizations. This something bigger isn’t about money or power – it’s about creating a meaningful life and a positive impact on the world through your unique skills. It might be your own personal mission, or maybe it’s a mission that you share with your partner. But here’s the bottom line: instead of thinking about what you can get out of your relationships, start asking yourself how you can contribute to the world through them. In the long run, your relationships will be more sustainable when conflicts do inevitably arise, since you’ll be motivated by a common purpose.

Go all-in with your relationships.

The foundation of any successful relationship is knowing that you have each other’s back – no matter what happens. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Second Degree of Connection is going all-in with your relationships. An all-in relationship means creating a bond where you can be vulnerable and take risks because you know you are supported by unconditional love.

It’s not necessarily easy. An all-in relationship requires courage, hard work, and approaching conflict through creativity. But, feeling safe and knowing that you have each other’s backs for the long run also gives you the confidence and freedom to do more.

One of Jean’s first interviews for her book was with the former United States president Jimmy Carter. She’d worked with him for a decade through the Elders, and she knew President Carter well, but this interview was different. That’s because when she went to the Carter Center to meet him, they didn’t discuss human rights, or climate change, or health care. They talked about the former president’s more than seven decades of partnership with his wife, the former first lady Rosalynn Carter.

President Carter grew up as Rosalynn’s next door neighbor in Plains, Georgia. One weekend, while he was attending the US Naval Academy, he returned home for a weekend visit. Their romance ignited. President Carter said he knew he wanted to marry Rosalynn – right from the start. Four children, 12 grandchildren, and 14 great-grandchildren later, the couple shared the longest-lasting marriage of a US president. Heartwarmingly, during the author’s interview, Carter credited Rosalynn as the most important person in the White House during his time in office.

But the couple was also candid about the conflicts that arise during a marriage. One of the most challenging times in their relationship was after Carter lost the election for his second term. He and Rosalynn decided to write a book together titled Everything to Gain: Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life. They had so many disagreements on the details of their stories that their editor finally suggested including both versions of the stories in the book. And although they admitted that they didn’t always see eye to eye, they always discussed their differences before going to sleep at night.

President Carter explained that when they have failures in their relationships, it’s usually a common failure, since they are in the relationship together. And the successes? They attributed those to giving each other space as well as developing mutual interests such as skiing, fly-fishing, and bird-watching. Through the Carter Center, they have also continued their mutual fight for peace and human rights. And at the end of the day, their all-in commitment has made their relationship resilient through good times and bad.

Create a moral ecosystem grounded in six essential virtues.

In our digital world, most of us are focused on short-term profit and fame, seeking power over others rather than collaborating for the greater good. In order to cultivate Deep Connections, we need to reevaluate our moral and ethical values.

The Third Degree of Connection is to cultivate a moral ecosystem. Think of this moral ecosystem like a spiritual operating system which guides your every action through practicing essential virtues. With time, these virtues become automatic responses, and develop kindness, compassion, grace, and unconditional love between us and our Deep Connections.

The six essential virtues you’ll want to practice to transcend cultural divides and expand your aspirations are: Enduring Trust; Unshakeable Mutual Respect; United Belief; Shared Humility; Nurturing Generosity; and Compassionate Empathy.

Let’s look at the most critical of the six essential virtues: Enduring Trust.

Enduring Trust isn’t just about learning to trust each other, but learning to trust life itself. You need to learn to trust that the choices you make will enable you to walk in grace and succeed. When we learn to live without fear, we can be fully present in our relationships, and bring our whole selves to the table.

In 2007, three young founders – Brian Chesky, Nate Blecharczyk and Joe Gebbia – were trying to form a new business. At the time, the thought of letting strangers live in your home seemed like a ridiculous proposition. The entrepreneurs understood that the trick to making their business work would be identifying the ways in which both guests and hosts would trust their system. And from its inception, Airbnb’s business model revolved around connection and trust. The platform offered free professional photography, designed an intricate reputation system, and encouraged customer reviews.

However, when the COVID-19 pandemic hit and halted travel, the cofounders made a decision to offer customers a full refund, prioritizing health and safety over their traditional mode of business. The decision left hosts feeling blindsided. The breach of trust could have led to the end of the company. So in order to address the issue, Joe, Brian, and Nate showed humility and offered a $250 million fund for hosts with their formal apology.

In order to cultivate trust, prioritize transparency and clarity in your communication. Assume people have good intentions, but don’t be afraid of having hard conversations. Realize mistakes will be made, and be willing to acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions. If you’re struggling to build trust with a partner, consider this: Do you trust yourself? Trusting your own intentions and abilities is an essential starting point to cultivate trust throughout all of your relationships.

Cultivate magnetic moments through rituals, traditions, or daily practices to deepen your relationships.

Think about your fondest memories with your friends, business partners, or family members. Maybe it was laughing together at a company cookout. Or the mix of shock and joy on your best friend’s face when they walked into their surprise birthday party.

These moments of connection are what we might call magnetic moments – which form the Fourth Degree of Connection. Magnetic moments are experiences that give you a feeling of togetherness, and increase the depth and meaning in your relationships. They might include cultivating rituals, daily practices, or traditions to spark your wonder and curiosity. These moments can create space for unlimited joy and honest communication while building a wider community of support. They’re the moments which define your relationships and keep your Deep Connections afloat when conflicts arise.

You shouldn’t wait around for magnetic moments to occur organically. Magnetic moments require consideration, planning, and effort. This was something that Richard Reed along with his partners Adam Balon and Jon Wright understood when they started Innocent Drinks. Having originally bonded at the University of Cambridge, the trio came up with the idea for a natural fruit smoothie business during a snowboarding trip in the late ’90s. Their first move was investing £500 to concoct an assortment of drinks to sell at a London music festival. The feedback on their smoothies was positive, and Innocent Drinks was born.

Part of the company’s success can be attributed to the rituals, practices, and traditions which the cofounders implemented. Their quarterly off-site meetings, once held at the local pub, now take the form of team-building weekends in destinations from Salzburg to Ibiza.

Since 2003, they’ve also led the Big Knit, an annual tradition in which people across the UK mail mini knitted hats to the company. For every bottle with a hat sold, the company donates 25 pence to Age UK in support of the elderly. Seven and a half million hats later, the company has raised over £2.5 million for the charity and established a tradition which has built a special bond amongst its entire consumer community.

Continuing to think up new kinds of rituals and traditions has been key to the three founders’ ability to remain close friends as well as business partners. And they make sure to stay consistent, too. They have a weekly Monday afternoon meeting which allows them to connect, and makes them better at anticipating each other’s needs to best support one another.

Turn conflict into a learning opportunity by celebrating friction.

In any relationship, friction is inevitable. We often see this as something we should try to avoid. But, according to Jean, conflict might actually benefit our relationships.

That’s why the Fifth Degree of Connection is to celebrate friction. Celebrating friction isn’t about fueling drama; it’s about turning conflict into a learning opportunity. It requires putting aside your ego and considering your own contribution to a problem. This kind of constructive conflict requires you to trust that your partner has your best interests at heart, going back to the moral ecosystem you cultivated in the Third Degree of Connection. Being able to find shared solutions will enable you and your partners to focus on the bigger picture.

By dealing with friction gracefully, we can come to view conflict as a learning opportunity. We can recognize that we don’t know all the answers and that our partners can be our best teachers as well as our support system.

In 2016, André Borschberg and Bertrand Piccard flew the first solar-powered flight around the planet. The 26,000 mile trip took 558 hours to complete. But it was years of developing the Deep Connection at the foundation of their friendship which they credit for the success of their company, Solar Impulse.

One of the early tensions to arise between the duo was when the media hailed Bertrand as the founder of the company without mentioning André. Bertrand’s wife Michèle Piccard encouraged him to tackle the issue before it left a scar on their friendship. Bertrand and André sat down to have a conversation about the issue, leaving their egos at the door. Through talking together in private, they realized that Bertrand’s past public speaking experience had made him the de facto spokesperson for their endeavor, while André’s natural talent was his skill as a pilot. Bertrand’s intention hadn’t been to eclipse André. To solve the issue, the two decided that Bertrand would train André to become a better speaker while André would train Bertrand to fly aircraft. What could have been a drama, was skillfully turned into a learning experience for each of them.

André and Bertrand call their ability to turn conflict into innovation “the sparkles.” Rather than trying to beat each other when conflict arises, both parties attempt to transcend into an even better position. According to Bertrand, if either of them is the same following a discussion, it means that they learned nothing in the process.

Cultivate collective connections through collaborative design principles.

We all know that we’re facing some pretty big issues in the world these days. Climate change, racism, inequality: each of these issues will require a massive effort of collaborative solutions. In many cases, solving these issues demands a diverse team of individuals which transcends nations and borders. And Deep Connections will be at the heart of overcoming these global issues.

The Sixth Degree of Connection is collective connections. Collective connections is a framework of design principles to enable successful collaborations. Consider this: when most people are putting together a group for a collaborative effort, technical skills, experience, or recognition are usually the factors taken into consideration. But what if Deep Connections were at the heart of putting together an effective group? The Deep Connections at the core of a leadership team might have a rippling effect across an entire organization.

In order for collective connections of diverse people to work, we can turn to a number of collaborative design principles.

One imperative design principle is called relational scaffolding. Relational scaffolding is about valuing the relationships that you build rather than focusing on transactions. The Brazilian cosmetics company Natura, founded by Luiz Seabra, Pedro Passos, and Guilherme Leal, has relied on relational scaffolding to grow its $11 billion global company since 1969. Natura’s distributed collective of over six million consultants in 100 countries generates new ecologically sound ideas for projects while encouraging sustainable consumption practices. But that’s not all. The company has partnered with over 30 indigenous Amazonian communities to supply ingredients such as ucuuba berries and Brazil nuts. In turn, the thoughtful relational structures behind the company motivate its partners to play a role in the company’s wider mission.

Natura prioritizes transparency and openly shared information. At the same time, it remains adaptive and flexible, enabling periods for change within the structure of the organization. It’s through these measures that the company has expanded the Deep Connections which solidify its cofounders’ collaboration throughout the collective scaffolding of the entire organization.

Final Summary

Deep Connections lay the groundwork for creating something larger than yourself and impacting the world. Develop Deep Connections in both your business and private life through cultivating a shared purpose and a moral ecosystem of virtues. By celebrating friction and creating space for Magnetic Moments, you can turn conflict on its head and foster even greater connection while exploring new opportunities for growth that your relationships have to offer.

About the author

Jean Oelwang is the President and Founding CEO of Virgin Unite, the charitable arm of the Virgin Group. She is on the Advisory Council of The Elders and on the board of groups including RMI, Just Capital, and Virgin Unite.

Genres

Business Culture, Management, Leadership, Motivation, Business Communication, Presentation Family, Relationships, Advice on Careers, Achieving Success, Economics, Organizational Behavior, Connection, Partnership, Trust

Table of Contents

Introduction
1 Six Degrees of Connection
2 Something Bigger
3 All-In
4 The Ecosystem
5 Magnetic Moments
6 Celebrate Friction
7 Collective Connections
8 Interconnected
Gratitude
Plus Wonder Partnership
Six Degrees of Connection Shorthand
Words of Wisdom and Collaborative Resources
Six Degrees of Connection Images
Notes
Photo Credits
Index
Join Our Plus Wonder Community

Review

The book is a practical and inspiring guide on how to create and sustain deep connections in all aspects of life, from personal to professional, based on the author’s extensive experience and research on successful partnerships. The author, Jean Oelwang, is the founding CEO and trustee of Virgin Unite, the non-profit foundation of the Virgin Group, and the co-founder of Plus Wonder, a platform that encourages people to partner for a greater purpose.

She has interviewed over 60 remarkable partners from various fields and backgrounds, such as Desmond and Leah Tutu, Ben and Jerry, Richard Branson and Peter Gabriel, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, and the co-founders of Airbnb, to learn their secrets and insights on how they forged deep connections that made great things happen. She distills their wisdom into six core principles that are essential for any meaningful partnership: trust, respect, curiosity, generosity, courage, and purpose.

She explains each principle with examples, stories, and exercises, and shows how they can be applied to different types of relationships, such as friends, family, business, romantic, and social. She also provides a blueprint for expanding small partnerships into large-scale collaborations that can tackle global challenges and create positive change.

I found this book to be very helpful and enlightening. It was not only a book about partnerships, but also a book about self-awareness, growth, and impact. It challenged me to reflect on my own relationships and how I can improve them by applying the six principles of partnering. It also inspired me to seek out new partnerships that align with my values and passions, and to collaborate with others who share a common vision and mission.

I liked how the author used real-life examples from diverse and influential partners to illustrate each principle and demonstrate its power and potential. I also appreciated how the author shared her own personal stories and struggles with partnering, showing her vulnerability and authenticity. She wrote with clarity, humor, and warmth, making the book easy to read and relate to.

I think this book is a valuable resource for anyone who wants to deepen their connections with others and make a difference in the world.