How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down. In an era where burnout and emotional fatigue are rampant, Corey Keyes’ seminal work, “Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down,” emerges as a beacon of hope. This empowering guide offers not just a diagnosis of our collective weariness but a revolutionary path to reclaiming joy and vibrancy in our lives.
Don’t let languishing dictate your life’s narrative. Dive into the full review and summary below to unlock the secrets to a more fulfilling existence and start your journey towards flourishing today!
Table of Contents
Genres
Psychology, Health, Nutrition, Mindfulness, Happiness, Personal Development, Nonfiction, Self-Help, Mental Health, Sociology, Wellness, Life Coaching, Motivational, Inspirational
“Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down” delves into the state of mental weariness that saps our self-esteem, motivation, and sense of meaning. Keyes, an Emory University sociologist, explores the concept of languishing—often dismissed as the new normal—and its distinction from depression.
He argues that languishing can lead to serious mental illness and early mortality if left unchecked. The book presents a counterintuitive approach to breaking free from the cycles that keep us stuck and outlines steps towards true flourishing.
Review
Corey Keyes’ book is a groundbreaking exploration of the often-overlooked state of languishing. With compelling personal anecdotes and a solid research foundation, Keyes offers a fresh perspective on mental health. His approach to flourishing—focusing on functioning well rather than quick-fix mood boosts—is both practical and insightful.
However, some readers may find the action plans a bit vague, seeking more concrete steps3. Despite this, the book is an invaluable resource for anyone feeling the weight of modern life’s demands and looking for a sustainable path to emotional resilience and personal growth.
Introduction: Find the path from languishing to flourishing
Languishing (2024) delves into the often-overlooked state between mental well-being and mental illness: languishing. It offers a comprehensive analysis of how individuals can find themselves stuck in this state of stagnation and emptiness and presents a compelling guide for recognizing and addressing this state. Through an exploration of strategies for enhancing well-being, it empowers readers to transform their mental health landscape, advocating for a proactive approach to emotional and psychological resilience.
Have you ever felt a persistent sense of emptiness, like you’re just going through the motions of life without any real purpose or motivation? This state of mind, known as languishing, is a prevalent yet often overlooked experience that can significantly impact your well-being.
Languishing is characterized by a lack of engagement with life, disinterest in activities that once brought joy, and a general sense of disconnection. This might sound a lot like depression, but it’s a different and distinct state.
In this Blink, you’ll gain insights into the characteristics, causes, and consequences of languishing. These include the societal pressures, systemic failures, and psychological factors that contribute to this pervasive condition. You’ll also learn about some practical strategies and a five-step framework for cultivating flourishing – a state of optimal functioning and fulfillment that stands in opposition to languishing.
What languishing looks like
A feeling of emptiness, loneliness, or being adrift. A nagging sense that something is missing from your life, regardless of outward success. These emotions collectively have a name: languishing. And as seventh-grader Paul discovered, languishing can propel you toward shocking acts just to fill the void.
Paul had seemed like a typical underachiever – sullen, unmotivated, perpetually bored. But his misbehaviors like acting out in class and vandalism masked a bigger issue. Languishing had seeped into Paul’s psyche amid the turmoil of hitting adolescence during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Without supportive relationships to buoy him, Paul began spending days on end holed up in his room, avoidant and distant. Then, one day, Paul bought a realistic replica gun and made social media posts about bringing it to school. He never ultimately brought the gun into school, but he was, nevertheless, expelled immediately.
Like Paul, many young people today experience languishing. Often, it’s a result of alienation and the obsession with status on social media causing young people to believe that they have nothing to contribute to society. As many as 50 to 60 percent of people experience languishing at some point in their lives.
Languishing manifests differently across age groups but can ultimately affect everyone, regardless of age. Kids who languish often act out, struggling with delinquency and self-harm. Many languishing college students disengage from their classes or abuse substances. Languishing middle-aged adults might miss work frequently and be less productive. And elderly adults tend to become isolated as physical ailments impact their ability to engage in hobbies and socialization.
No matter the age at which it occurs, languishing is dangerous. Ultimately, it’s the void between depression and flourishing – and this neglected “middle child” of mental health deserves more attention.
The science of languishing
Have you ever felt it unbearable to be alone with your thoughts? In 2014, a surprising study found that many people would rather give themselves electric shocks than be alone in a room for 15 minutes with no distractions. What this experiment reveals is just how much we dread languishing – that stagnant, isolated, purposeless state.
Loneliness – the lack of warm, trusting relationships and community ties – is one of the major causes of the modern languishing epidemic. A 2021 study found that 61 percent of young adults aged 18 to 25 said they’d experienced deep, pervasive loneliness in the past month. Modern people’s lives have become increasingly disconnected, with more people living alone and with fewer community ties than ever before.
But loneliness alone doesn’t fully explain the prevalence of languishing. Another cause is discrimination based on race, gender orientation, and other traits. This severely erodes people’s self-acceptance, sense of autonomy, trust in society, and belief that they can grow. Black Americans in particular report abysmally low levels of feeling socially accepted – a rational stance given the systemic injustices they face. For people facing racism, homophobia, and other biases, it becomes difficult to believe they have a place in society, and that feeling leads to languishing.
The consequences of languishing are devastating on the body. Loneliness and experiences of discrimination activate a genetic response to adversity called the conserved transcriptional response to adversity – CTRA for short. It’s triggered when your mind senses a threat, and it causes sustained inflammation in your body. Inflammation helps you recover from injury and infection, but as a continual response to emotional, social, or financial stressors, it’s deeply harmful. A regularly activated CTRA increases your risk of developing cancer, heart disease, and mental health issues.
The antidote to all of this? Flourishing – which you’ll learn about next.
Fighting languishing
Henry David Thoreau once likened happiness to a butterfly – if you chase it directly, he said, it will elude you. But if you focus on other pursuits, it will come and rest on you of its own accord. This metaphor captures an important truth: ultimately, true well-being emerges not from pursuing fleeting happiness, but from the deeper state of flourishing.
Flourishing – the opposite of languishing – is the feeling that your life has meaning, purpose, and importance. Languishing makes you vulnerable to a variety of health risks, while flourishing helps you build immunity to those same problems. It protects against depression and anxiety, reduced productivity, premature death, and delinquent behaviors. Unlike chasing happiness, flourishing provides a robust psychological foundation that allows you to maintain positive mindsets and productive functioning even amid difficulties.
Interestingly, cultivating flourishing doesn’t mean reducing symptoms of mental illness. Modern research shows that we actually experience mental health along two distinct continua. One continuum tracks our level of mental illness, while the other tracks our degree of flourishing or languishing. Counterintuitively, studies find that reducing symptoms of mental illness often fails to automatically increase a person’s positive mental health and well-being. It’s possible for someone to have low mental illness but also low flourishing, and vice versa. The two dimensions are surprisingly distinct.
What this means is that true health arises not just from eliminating negativity but from cultivating positive forces. To actively cultivate the flourishing side of this duality, research points to five key “vitamin” activities: learning something new, connecting with others, engaging in spiritual practices, living your purpose, and making time for play. In the next section, we’ll cover each of these vitamins in turn.
Learning for flourishing
The COVID-19 pandemic turned Ethan’s life upside down. He spent months isolating alone in his Brooklyn apartment and began to languish – his job felt unfulfilling, his friends had all left the city. So he decided to move back in with his parents in rural upstate New York.
Little did he know, this difficult transition would ultimately lead him to an unexpected new passion: gardening. Shortly after arriving at his parents’ place, Ethan’s mother started prepping the garden for summer. Soon, Ethan found his mother’s passion rubbing off on him. Now, he’s the family’s unofficial groundskeeper, cultivating over 35 different daylily varieties around the yard and experimenting with new hybrids.
Discovering a new interest or skill, purely by chance and solely for personal satisfaction, can be an incredibly powerful antidote to languishing. After all, your self-identity is continually shaped by the stories you tell about your life – the personal narratives that define who you think you are. When you choose to learn something new, it alters these self-narratives in meaningful and empowering ways. It gives you an enhanced sense of purpose and increases your sense that you’re developing as a person – thereby increasing your flourishing.
But people often avoid journeys of self-improvement due to a psychological need to maintain self-consistency – their pre-existing notions about their identity. This protective bias can ironically inhibit the very growth they innately desire.
For real self-change to occur, you need to hit the sweet spot of “manageable difficulty” – adversities or challenges that exceed your current capabilities but still feel surmountable with sincere effort. Too much adversity can utterly overwhelm and dysregulate you, but too little provides no catalyst for positive change. When you manage to hit the “goldilocks zone” of manageable challenges you’ll emerge with newfound resilience and grit.
Cultivating relationships
Carl and his husband Aaron moved to a small town with their young son at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. At first, they were excited for a fresh start. But they soon found themselves struggling with feelings of loneliness and isolation. Due to social distancing measures, people would cross the street when they saw the couple approaching. And they felt disconnected from close friends and social circles from their previous home in the city.
Carl and Aaron’s experience drove home a key point: we all have a deep need for warm, trusting relationships and a feeling of belonging to a community. Without these critical social bonds, we can feel adrift and empty.
There’s a reason humans crave connection so deeply – it’s wired into our DNA from our tribal roots as hunters and gatherers. During this period, we existed as members of small tribal units where each person had a clear role and valued contribution to make to the group’s survival. So, when individuals feel they don’t have a meaningful role to play in a larger community, they go to great lengths to fill that need – this, in fact, is why some people end up joining gangs.
One way for you to build connections is to start striking up conversations with people from different backgrounds than you. These cross-cultural connections can enrich your life and perspectives immensely. So, keep your eyes and mind open to people who seem different from you on the outside. Conversations with these people might feel awkward at first, but that’s okay – it’s good to be thrown off balance every so often.
In developing truly close friendships, a key ingredient is reciprocity – a balanced exchange of emotional support. Focus on the quality of your relationships rather than the quantity. The more both people feel that their support is exchanged equitably, the better they both feel about the relationship.
Connecting with something greater
Unexpected events have a way of quickly upending our life journeys, whether it’s a broken relationship, a derailed career plan, or a global pandemic. During these times of turmoil, some people find themselves stuck in languishing. But there’s a way to weather life’s plot twists with resilience and grace – and the key lies in practicing spirituality.
Spirituality doesn’t necessarily mean religion – instead, it’s a general reverence for life’s profound mysteries. Spirituality also isn’t about a particular belief system; it’s about connecting with something greater than yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Ultimately, this will help you become comfortable with how small you are in the greater scheme of things. So, consider what that “greater than yourself” thing could be for you, whether it’s a deity, your community’s collective strength, or the enduring wisdom of a mentor.
While spirituality nurtures positive qualities, it’s only the starting point. It’s also important to take ethical actions. Moral growth requires doing the hard inner work – mirroring religious teachings that say improved character is the result of good behavior.
To that end, finding your “base camp” is crucial. This is a mind state of calm, quiet awareness you can always return to to recover and regain your strength. For Keyes, base camp is yoga. This is where his mind becomes quiet and his body relaxes, yet he’s still alert and aware. Where might your base camp – your place of relaxed awareness – be?
From this foundation of a quieter mind, it’s easier to respond to difficult situations with acceptance rather than reactivity. When your inner critic is quieted, you can pause before reacting defensively. Instead of lashing out, you can stop and think about your own reaction and examine what’s happening inside of you without blame or judgment.
Finding purpose
Finding true purpose can be life’s greatest challenge. It’s easy to chase success and achievements, yet still feel a profound sense of emptiness. That’s because purpose goes far beyond “success” – it lies at the intersection of your passions, the chance to help others, and leaving a positive mark on the world.
Society often pushes us to find purpose through our careers. But shockingly, only around 15 percent of adults view their jobs as allowing them to contribute to society. Everyone else must search elsewhere to find purpose and meaning.
One path to purpose is through volunteering and consistent community service. Psychological research shows that people who volunteer locally and stay engaged with causes they care about tend to experience greater psychological well-being and flourishing. Looking outward to assist others sparks an awareness that their lives hold significance beyond just personal accomplishments and gratification. So why not try committing to do just three good deeds per week? This alone can bring you back in touch with others’ struggles and your ability to be a positive force. This can lay the foundation for a larger sense of purpose over time.
Of course, finding purpose is highly personal and can shift across life stages. A young adult may derive purpose from traveling and expanding their horizons. A parent might find purpose in the sacrifices they make to provide opportunities for their children. At an older age, reconnecting with causes and giving back wisdom can reignite purpose.
During key life transitions like mid-career changes, empty nests, or retirement, your purpose may temporarily dim as your role shifts. Yet these inflection points ultimately dare you to recommit to purpose by looking past extrinsic markers of success.
The power of play
It started out as just another weekly “Sunday Funday” gathering for a group of neighborhood moms. But on this particular night, the two youngest kids suddenly decided to turn the living room into an improvised dance club. They cranked up the music, and soon, their mothers’ arms were flung skyward and the whole multigenerational party found themselves sweaty, flushed, and laughing uproariously.
These moms were engaging in play in its purest form – letting loose and being wholly present in a moment of unbridled fun. While play is seen as natural for kids, we tend to discard it as we become “mature” adults. Yet play offers adults profound benefits to combat languishing. It lowers stress, reconnects us to our imaginations, and helps us approach life with excitement.
The modern age has divorced us from active, imaginative play. With the rise of entertainment technology like TV and movies, leisure has become something we passively consume rather than create ourselves. It’s also driven us into further isolation, as we consume our leisure alone in our homes instead of with other members of our community. But to feel fulfilled, active play is crucial.
One easy strategy you can use is to adopt a “play mindset” for everyday tasks. Plate your dinners as if you’re a contestant on Top Chef. Drum to your favorite song using some wooden spoons. Turn vacuuming into a game where you chase your dog around your home.
Aside from adopting a general play mindset, it’s imperative to set aside specific time for play – especially active leisure. Leisure looks different for everyone. Maybe your leisure is tying trout-fishing flies, or playing pickleball, or quilting. Whatever it is, seek out opportunities to giggle uncontrollably and feel alive through moments of pure, unbound delight.
Conclusion
Languishing is a pervasive state of emptiness, lack of motivation, and disconnection from life, distinct from depression. It’s caused by factors like loneliness, discrimination, and passive lifestyles devoid of purposeful activities. The antidote to languishing is flourishing – a state of meaning, growth, and resilience cultivated through practices like learning, social connection, spirituality, purpose, and play.
Corey Keyes is a sociologist and psychologist who has made significant contributions to the field of positive psychology. A professor emeritus at Emory University, Keyes has also made important contributions to shaping public health policy through his advisory work with the CDC and governmental agencies across Canada, Northern Ireland, and Australia. He is credited for popularizing the term “languishing” as it relates to the psychology of well-being.