Roxane Gay’s “Hunger” delves into the complex relationship between body, trauma, and self-acceptance. This powerful memoir exposes the author’s struggles with weight, sexual assault, and societal expectations. Gay’s candid narrative challenges readers to confront their own biases and reflect on the impact of trauma.
Dive into Gay’s world and explore the profound insights that await in this gripping memoir.
Table of Contents
Genres
Memoir, Autobiography, Feminist Literature, Body Positivity, LGBTQ+ Literature, Social Commentary, Personal Essay, Cultural Criticism, Self-Help, Trauma Narratives, Women’s Biographies, Arts and Literature, Black and African American Biographies, Mental Health, Autobiography, Adult
“Hunger” chronicles Roxane Gay’s lifelong struggle with her body and weight. The memoir begins with a traumatic sexual assault Gay experienced at age 12, which becomes the catalyst for her complicated relationship with food and her body. Gay details her journey of using food as a coping mechanism and shield against the world.
The book explores themes of shame, self-loathing, and the constant battle between desire for invisibility and the need for acceptance. Gay candidly discusses her experiences as a woman of size in a world that often treats larger bodies with disdain and ridicule. She shares intimate details of her life, including her struggles with intimate relationships, family dynamics, and professional challenges.
Throughout the memoir, Gay weaves in cultural commentary on society’s treatment of bodies, particularly female bodies. She critiques the diet industry, media representation, and the pervasive fatphobia in various aspects of life. The author also touches on intersectionality, discussing how her identity as a Haitian-American and queer woman intersects with her experiences of body image and societal expectations.
The narrative is non-linear, jumping between different periods of Gay’s life to create a tapestry of experiences that shaped her relationship with her body. The writing style is raw and unflinching, with Gay refusing to offer easy solutions or a neat resolution to her struggles.
Review
“Hunger” is a brutally honest and deeply affecting memoir that resonates long after the final page. Gay’s writing is both lyrical and straightforward, creating a powerful narrative that draws readers into her experiences.
The strength of the memoir lies in its unflinching honesty. Gay doesn’t shy away from difficult truths or attempt to present a sanitized version of her struggles. This rawness makes the book deeply relatable, even for readers who may not share Gay’s specific experiences.
Gay’s exploration of the link between trauma and body image is particularly insightful. She articulates the complex ways in which past experiences shape our relationship with our bodies, offering a nuanced perspective on a topic often oversimplified in popular discourse.
The cultural commentary woven throughout the memoir adds depth to Gay’s personal narrative. Her critiques of societal norms and expectations are sharp and thought-provoking, challenging readers to examine their own biases and assumptions.
While the non-linear structure can sometimes be disorienting, it effectively mirrors the fractured nature of memory and trauma. This stylistic choice enhances the emotional impact of the narrative.
One potential drawback is that the repetitive nature of some themes might feel overwhelming for some readers. However, this repetition also serves to underscore the persistent nature of Gay’s struggles.
“Hunger” is not an easy read, but it’s an important one. It offers valuable insights into the complexities of body image, trauma, and self-acceptance. Gay’s vulnerability and strength shine through, making this memoir a powerful testament to the human spirit’s resilience.
Introduction
This book review of Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body, explores Roxane Gay’s moving story about shame, vulnerability, trauma, and strength. Learn how widespread the damages of sexual violence can be, and how a girl simply tried to cope with them by making her body a fortress. Roxane hungers for safety and acceptance, but more than anything she hungers to be comfortable in her own skin.
An honest expression of shame and empowerment in an unaccommodating world.
READ THIS BOOK REVIEW IF YOU:
- Want to understand the effects of trauma and shame
- Are interested in human stories and life experiences
- Enjoy fresh, honest perspectives of the world
Each of our bodies has a unique story to tell. This is a memoir of Roxane’s body and her hunger.
It’s not a story with stark before and after photos, nor is it a tale of harnessing willpower. It’s not a story of success, but a story of truth — a confession.
Roxane was 577 pounds at her heaviest. She is smaller now, but she isn’t small. She never will be, not least because she stands at 6 feet 3 inches tall. In a world that tells women to be small, to not take up space, Roxane will always take up space. But she doesn’t want to be noticed: She wants to hide.
Her size is of her making, but it isn’t solely her responsibility. As a young girl, Roxane experienced trauma. In the aftermath, she didn’t understand how to cope. But she did understand that fat people weren’t desirable.
So Roxane ate. She systematically built a cage around the girl she once was, hoping to protect herself from any more pain and hurt.
People see bodies like Roxane’s and make assumptions. They assume they know the whys and the hows, but they don’t understand how Roxane got where she is now. Roxane created her own fortress to protect herself from trauma, and for a long time she was silent about it.
But she doesn’t want to be silent anymore. This is the story of a transformation: Not from fat to thin, but from a young girl who felt secure and whole to the incident that destroyed that, and the aftermath that continues to this day.
Remaining Silent
Roxane doesn’t want to be defined by the worst moments of her life, but she has carried the secret alone for too long. She hopes that be adding her story to the countless stories just like it, she can help shed more light on the horrors of sexual violence and how life-altering it is.
When Roxane was 12, the boy she loved took her to a cabin in the woods where a group of his friends waited. They held her down and took turns raping her. Later, the boys told a very different version of the story at school.
Roxane didn’t know how to tell her parents. She feared they would be disgusted or that they would blame her. She remained silent and tried to play the part of a normal girl, but inside she was dying.
Her family moved often because of her father’s job, and Roxane was glad to be free of the boys who had hurt her. But it was getting more and more difficult to pretend around her parents, so she asked to go to boarding school.
Away at school, Roxane could sink further into herself without having to fake it. She had freedom and began to eat more and more. She struggled to connect with people and was lonely, but food was a constant solace. She could be herself while eating.
She had her writing, too, and she often wrote stories about violence against women, trying to rid herself of pain without actually telling her story.
Roxane gained a lot of weight in school, and her parents often worried about her. She would diet when she was home in order to please them, but she always gained the weight back when she returned to school. Roxane’s parents saw her body as a problem to fix, but she wanted to be big. Her weight protected her from men and kept her isolated from the people who could hurt her.
Roxane sank further and further into isolation, depression, and self-loathing. She barely slept because she had nightmares about the cabin in the woods. At the end of high school, Roxane was barely holding herself together.
But her parents valued education, and Roxane didn’t want to disappoint them any more than she already had. Despite her turmoil, she was always a good student and was accepted into Yale University.
Roxane struggled far more at Yale than in high school. There was less structure and the classes were more challenging, and she found herself continually switching majors, skipping classes, and continuing to overeat.
She discovered the internet and the possibilities for anonymous connections. Roxane loved that she could talk to people without having to risk her personal safety. She found other women who had experienced sexual trauma and learned that she wasn’t alone. In theory, Roxane knew she wasn’t at fault for her assault. But she couldn’t make herself believe it. She didn’t feel worthy of absolution.
A few weeks before Roxane’s junior year was to begin at Yale, she left without telling anyone. Roxane spent the next year moving around the country and meeting up with people she had met online. She let men and women do whatever they wanted to her body, believing she was already broken. Eventually, Roxane returned home where her parents welcomed her and loved her, despite being hurt and confused by her actions.
Roxane couldn’t stand the idea of returning to Yale, so she finished her undergraduate degree at Vermont College before enrolling in a graduate program for creative writing at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. She was doing better, but she continued to overeat and live in isolation.
Roxane still loved writing and wrote every day. She liked the freedom that a career in academia offered, so she began a doctoral program at Michigan Tech. There, she studied but also taught classes.
On her first day of teaching, Roxane was so terrified that she became physically ill. She worried not about the material or the curriculum, but about standing up in front of others who would judge her size.
At the end of her doctoral program, she was offered a teaching position at Eastern Illinois University. Her writing was becoming well-known. It was getting harder to hide from the world, but she was starting to be OK with that.
Just a Body
Being an overweight woman makes your body the subject of public scrutiny. When all Roxane wants to do is hide, she can’t. Her body is judged, criticized, and scorned. People assume they know why she looks a certain way. Her family views her body as a problem to solve, bringing it up in every conversation and asking her about diets, exercise, and willpower.
Roxane knows they do it out of concern, but it makes her feel like she is nothing but a big body — that she doesn’t exist as a human.
The rest of the world is no different.
Reality television is particularly obsessed with obesity. Shows like The Biggest Loser exploit overweight contestants — most of whom are probably dealing with unresolved trauma — at their most vulnerable, pushing them harder and harder to be thinner and thinner through unhealthy and drastic measures.
Female celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, Jessica Simpson, and Kirstie Alley endorse weight-loss programs and diets, making it clear that no achievement is enough if you aren’t thin. Only thinness brings real happiness.
Roxane watches these shows and commercials even though they make her sad and angry. She hates the cultural idea that wanting to lose weight is a natural part of womanhood — that the less space you take up, the more you matter.
Roxane doesn’t hate herself, but she hates her body. She hates that she can’t discipline herself and how she is viewed by the world. She also hates that she is letting other women down by hating her body.
But she also likes parts of herself. It took her a very long time to admit this, because our culture dictates that she shouldn’t be happy while she is big.
Some days are harder than others. Some days, Roxane can recognize that her body isn’t the problem — that society’s hatred of it is. Other days, it’s hard to separate her heart, her soul, and her talent from the body she lives in.
Occupying Space
Roxane has hesitated about writing about her body. People get uncomfortable when they hear about big bodies, and other overweight people get angry that she wishes she were thinner. Roxane supports body-positivism, but she isn’t happy in her own skin. She knows that being thin isn’t the key to happiness, but she still wants to be healthy and comfortable.
She has tried dieting. Sometimes it begins to work, and Roxane feels herself becoming lighter and moving easier. Her clothes fit better and she aches less. But always, inevitably, she becomes terrified and vulnerable. She ends up gaining the weight back and feeling both safe in her cage and ashamed of her lack of willpower.
When she goes to the gym, people stare and judge. Or, they give unsolicited encouragement, assuming she wants their affirmation. Roxane ignores them, knowing that if she responded she would unleash mountains of rage.
When Roxane’s friends post their physical accomplishments on social media, it makes her angry. She sees them running marathons and hiking and feels palpable jealousy that she can’t do the same things. It’s a different kind of hunger but a hunger all the same.
Roxane’s life is one of constant self-consciousness. Her body does not meet the unspoken standard of how women should look. People are cruel in their stares and comments. Men shout out of their car windows, furious that Roxane’s body isn’t catered toward their specific desires.
So she tries to be invisible, even though this is impossible. She presses into walls and corners, taking up as little space as possible and fuming at the people who don’t ever consider the space they occupy.
Clothing is a nightmare. There are few options for obese people, and none of them is very fashionable. When Roxane shops, she isn’t looking for something she likes — she’s looking for whatever fits. At home, she has two wardrobes. One is full of dark jeans and black tops — safe. The other is filled with bright colors and beautiful pieces, items she dreams of wearing but is too terrified to don in public.
When it comes to her body, Roxane feels such shame. Shame that she continually fails to take care of herself or make the changes she wants. But she feels hungry all the time, and she has learned that you can hunger without actually being hungry. When she eats, she feels comforted and safe. But those feelings inevitably turn to disgust, and then she often eats even more to comfort or punish herself. It’s a never-ending cycle.
Hunger isn’t about the stomach. It exists in the body, of course, but also in the mind, heart, and soul. Roxane is always hungry.
There aren’t many places where Roxane’s body comfortably fits. Living in a big body means hyper vigilance. Will chairs support her? Do they have arms that will press painfully into her thighs, leaving her bruised and sore? Roxane often avoids making plans, not because she’s antisocial but because she doesn’t fit.
Air travel is the worst. People stare, obviously dreading being sat next to her. When they realize they are seated elsewhere, their relief is obvious and cruel. People are angry at the prospect of Roxane’s fat body touching theirs.
Eventually, Roxane began buying two plane tickets when she travelled, which meant she couldn’t travel very often. Often, the bigger your body, the smaller your world becomes.
Living in a big body means considering things that no one else has to.
Being Seen
Food is complicated for Roxane. She likes cooking but hates grocery shopping; She enjoys eating but is a picky eater. It’s difficult for Roxane to have a good relationship with something that she doesn’t feel like she is allowed to like.
Above all, food is a reminder of Roxane’s flaws.
When Roxane was a girl, her mother cooked delicious meals that reflected their Haitian background, and the whole family ate together at the table. When she eats Haitian food now, Roxane feels both a longing for her family and a quiet anger for their concern that so often comes across as cruelty.
When Roxane is at home, she is starving. She doesn’t dare eat very much, paranoid that her family is always watching, judging. She is tired of their concern and having of the same conversations over and over again.
Roxane’s family members are thin, stylish, and beautiful. When people find out that she belongs to them, their shock is palpable and painful. She has seen that same look on a lot of faces, and it is a source of deep shame.
But Roxane’s deepest shame comes from relationships — her first relationship, more specifically. Roxane continued to spend time with the boy who raped her, and he continued to abuse her. After the rape she felt so dead inside that she didn’t care what happened to her.
The rape set the course for Roxane’s relationships for a very long time. She fell into a pattern of masochism, of dating people who treated her with indifference at best and cruelty at worst. She was never enough, and she never dared ask for anything. Roxane didn’t feel worthy of happiness. The moment anyone showed any sign of interest, Roxane would reciprocate, believing she was lucky just to have attention.
She had good relationships, too, but even then she struggled to voice her opinions or be herself. To Roxane, simply being with a fat person was enough to ask of others.
Relationships continue to be difficult for Roxane. Many people think she is cold, but she isn’t. Only people she can truly trust see the depth of her warmth. But Roxane feels a constant pressure to get everything right, to be what other people want her to be.
Roxane is better about caring for herself now. She is aware of her patterns and knows how to watch out for them. But the anxiety is still there — the fear that her true self won’t ever measure up.
It is terrifying to be seen.
Roxane has always loved writing because with the written word, your looks don’t matter. It doesn’t matter how much you weigh or what terrible things have happened to you: All that matters is what is written on the page.
But once her writing starting becoming famous, the safety and anonymity disappeared. Now, people see her photos online and make cruel comments. Roxane is opinionated, but when people lash out it’s rarely to actually engage in debate. It’s usually a cruel joke about her appearance. She is never, ever allowed to forget her appearance.
The more famous Roxane gets, the more painfully obvious it becomes that to the world she is, first and foremost, fat.
Broken
In 2014, Roxane fell and severely broke her ankle. She had to spend 10 days in the hospital and had not felt that powerless in a very long time. She was falling apart, but her loved ones showed unending support.
Roxane had always known that she was loved, but this made it real. She finally acknowledged what her death would mean to the people who loved her, and she realized that it was her responsibility to take care of herself. It was time to start a more humane relationship with her body.
Roxane was broken and then she broke even further. But this new break showed her that hope was possible.
She is slowly moving toward a life that she wants. She is doing things that make her happy and not apologizing for her body, for existing.
Roxane holds an appreciation for the lessons that her body has taught her. Because of her size, she understands how difficult it can be to move through a world that doesn’t accommodate you. She has a greater respect and appreciate for all kinds of bodies.
Truth an Hunger
When Roxane was still just a girl, she was raped in a cabin by a boy she loved. Afterwards, she ate to protect herself.
Roxane still copes with the effects of this trauma. She has flashbacks and anxiety. She thinks of him every single day.
But she isn’t a scared little girl anymore. Roxane knows what she deserves and what she is capable of. She writes and uses her voice to defend the vulnerable. Each year she cares a little less about what people think of her.
Roxane has learned that happiness isn’t about weight, but about being comfortable in your own skin. This is what she is continually striving for, day after day. She doesn’t need her body to be a fortress anymore.
This memoir was the hardest thing Roxane has ever chosen to write. With these vulnerable words, Roxane is showing her hurt, her heart, and her truth.
Roxane Gay is a bestselling author, professor, and cultural commentator. Her writing has appeared in compilations like Best American Mystery Stories 2014 and Best Sex Writing 2012, as well as in publications like The New York Times and Virginia Quarterly. Gay’s other books include An Untamed State, Hunger, and Difficult Women.