The New Rules for Flirting, Feeling, and Finding Yourself. Embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment with Eli Rallo’s ‘I Didn’t Know I Needed This’. This transformative guide offers a raw, humorous look at modern dating, self-love, and finding joy amidst life’s trials.
Dive deeper into the candid world of Eli Rallo and discover how to turn life’s setbacks into stepping stones for success. Keep reading to unlock the secrets to a more fulfilling love life and personal growth.
Table of Contents
Genres
Sex, Relationships, Mindfulness, Happiness, Personal Development, Nonfiction, Self-Help, Memoir, Humor, Dating, Women’s Literature, Empowerment, Inspirational
‘I Didn’t Know I Needed This’ by Eli Rallo is a refreshing take on the complexities of modern dating and self-exploration. The book follows the natural lifecycle of dating, from being single and flirting to navigating apps, going on dates, having sex, falling in love, and eventually dealing with breakups. Rallo offers survival-guide style rules, tips, and tricks, all delivered with her signature irreverent and honest humor. It’s a narrative that encourages readers to live life on their own terms, prioritize friendships, and find closure and love for oneself.
Review
Eli Rallo’s debut book is a bold, unapologetic, and often hilarious guide to finding oneself in the chaos of modern romance. With a 3.33 rating from over 3,000 reviews on Goodreads, the book has resonated with many for its frank and relatable advice. Rallo, akin to a Carrie Bradshaw for the TikTok generation, shares her personal stories and rules that have helped her navigate the dating world.
While some reviews criticize the book for its niche appeal, others praise it for its empowering messages and practical wisdom. It’s a book that promises to be a companion for those navigating the sticky, confusing, and often accidentally hilarious world of dating. Whether it’s learning to love oneself or understanding the rules of modern dating, ‘I Didn’t Know I Needed This’ serves as a dose of confidence and a testament to living life fully.
I Didn’t Know I Needed This (2023) is the ultimate guide to modern dating’s natural lifecycle, from flirting to first dates to relationships to heartbreak. Drawing on TikTok star Eli Rallo’s own hard-won experience, this rulebook combines shallow delights and hard truths into her signature brand of romantic realism.
Navigating modern romance is… complicated, to say the least. From situationships to swipe fatigue, finding real connection can feel downright impossible these days.
But fret not! This entertaining guide will help you cut through the chaos. Based on TikTok phenom Eli Rallo’s own experience, this summary serves up a delicious cocktail of humor, heart, and hardcore honesty about dating in your twenties.
Get ready to laugh at hilarious romantic blunders, unwrap societal BS, and talk about sex – and gain indispensable wisdom about everything from flirting to first dates to heartbreak. So mix yourself a drink, cozy up on the couch, and let’s get into it.
Falling in love with yourself
It’s no secret that modern dating is harrrrrrrrrd.
And no wonder! Every rom-com and Taylor Swift song has told you that finding “the one” is the meaning of life. So being single in your twenties can feel like failing at being an adult. The nonstop dating and swiping can be equally exhausting – not to mention ghosting and late night “u up?” texts from your ex.
But what if singledom isn’t just the annoying waiting room before real life starts? What if learning to crush on yourself is the actual goal?
Author and TikTok star Eli Rallo used to obsess over guys who didn’t text back because it was easier than obsessing over her own insecurities. She needed external validation like oxygen. Until, one day, she had an epiphany: Even she didn’t like hanging out with herself. So how could she expect anyone else to?
That was a wake-up call. She decided to take a break from guys and get to know herself. No more casual flings or situationships. She was ready to fall in love… with herself.
Before you think about giving your heart to someone else, work that muscle on yourself!
Learn to spend time with yourself, find out what makes you tick, and pamper yourself on solo dates. Make a girl boss vision board. Cut out magazine clippings that represent adventures you crave and places that fuel your soul. Whether it’s hiking up Machu Picchu or getting ripped at the gym, this is about discovering what sets your heart on fire.
Next, Marie Kondo your friend group. Toxic parties and gossip sessions get old. Cultivate connections that leave you feeling inspired, not drained. Schedule weekly girlfriend dates as sacred self-care.
When you know what you like and surround yourself with people you love, you’ll stop pursuing guys like it’s a job. You’ll wear that crop top you feel foxy in just for fun. You’ll learn to flirt for the thrill of it – without expectations. And you’ll stop needlessly obsessing over people after the first date.
Eventually self-love will become a habit, and you’ll radiate a magnetic confidence. So when you do find someone special, they’ll simply add to your already kick-ass life – not complete it.
Dating apps are the new normal
Online dating has changed our romantic lives completely, for better or worse. If you’ve ever felt that zing of attraction when you match with someone cute on a dating app, only to feel the sting of rejection when things fizzle out, you’re not alone.
Eli has been there too – spending way too many late nights swiping away, living for those thrilling “ding!” notifications. Even when things seemed to be going well with a match, most of her romances were short-lived. Sound familiar?
But here’s the thing: online dating doesn’t have to be so emotionally exhausting. With the right mindset and a few simple tips, you can transform it into a fun way to get out there, learn about yourself, and maybe even meet someone special along the way.
First things first – drop the shame! There’s nothing “taboo” about meeting people online. Nowadays it’s the norm, with nearly half of couples connecting digitally. What is awkward is pretending you met at a bar when you really matched on Bumble. Own your story with pride.
Next, curate an authentic, approachable profile that gives a taste of your unique personality. Have your girls help you choose friendly, conversational prompts and a well-balanced mix of cute solo pics. Remember, the goal isn’t to catfish matches with some idealized version of yourself. You want to attract someone who will like the real you!
When messaging your matches, make it easy for them to respond by asking questions, telling stories, or sharing your hot takes. And after a lively chat, don’t drag things out for weeks on the app. Suggest meeting up in person within a couple days – that’s the whole point, after all.
Finally, go into each date reminding yourself that chemistry is rare. So there’s zero pressure! Getting to know new people should be fun. Worst case, you grab a drink and bounce. But the best case? You vibe, make out, or even discover a new relationship. Nothing real will happen until it happens, so give things a fair shot and try not to get too attached too quickly.
See online dating as a playground for connection, not a battlefield for love. When you swipe with self-confidence and an open heart, online dating is not the bane it’s made out to be. Who knows – maybe the next witty banter with a stranger will unlock something magical!
Important first date rules
Have you ever agonized over what to wear, say, or order on a first date? Stressed about making a good impression? Eli used to cancel on dates all the time because she got too anxious about the other person liking her. But then she realized, it’s not really about them liking her – it’s about her liking them!
Good first dates don’t have to be scary ordeals. With the right mindset, they can be fun opportunities to connect with someone new. The key is to relax, embrace who you are, and recognize the date for what it is – just a casual chance to get to know each other.
To get yourself in the right mindset, follow a reliable pre-date ritual. Listen to your favorite music while getting ready. Put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and sexy. This isn’t about impressing your date, it’s about you feeling good about yourself! Above all, remind yourself that first dates are meant to be enjoyable test drives, not high-stakes auditions.
On the date itself, don’t hold back or pretend to be someone else. You deserve to find someone who appreciates the real you.
That doesn’t mean you have to bare your soul immediately. Serve your date the “lite” version of you. Be open about your quirks, interests, and opinions. Order food you genuinely like. But don’t immediately trauma dump. If the date goes well, get clarity on whether there will be a second one before parting ways. Be clear about what you want early on, too – whether that’s casual or committed dating – so you both start on the same page.
Schedule your second date about a week after the first to capitalize on your excitement and not lose momentum. Pick a different activity, so you can see each other in a new light. At this stage, it’s still perfectly OK to date other people. It will help you not obsess over one person.
Second dates come with extra pressure to “take things to the next level.” But avoid forcing something serious. Remember to stay present instead of jumping ahead. Don’t label those “butterflies” in your tummy as true love – especially if anxiety is involved. True attraction builds slowly based on substantive conversations and experiences.
So continue viewing the first few dates as learning experiences. This new person may spark something special, or they won’t. You’re trying each other on, not taking vows! As long as you focus on enjoying the moment together, it will be time well spent.
Building healthy relationships
Oh, the early days of a new romance. You know – when you’re totally smitten, with stars in your eyes and endless butterflies in your stomach. As easy as it may be to just enjoy this high, consider capitalizing on this magical time with your partner. Have deep convos now while it’s easy to bare your souls.
Snuggle up and ask each other cute things like, “What’s your favorite childhood memory?” and serious ones like, “What do you value most in a friendship?” Open up about past mistakes, future dreams, and your deepest fears.
Around date five, you can try the “36 Questions” game. It’s a series of questions compiled by a psychologist to help you feel more connected to someone. These deep conversations set you up for the long haul, forming intimacy and trust.
Because here’s the truth – that crazy honeymoon high won’t last forever. Eventually, you’ll see your partner for the flawed human they are, just as they’ll see the real you. Here’s when you decide: Can you love each other, not as idealized fantasy soulmates but as whole people, flaws and all?
If the answer is yes, you’ll still need to put in some work. Whether you’re in the bedroom or at the dinner table, communication is key. Actually, communication about communication is key, too. Be self-aware about your past hurts and hang-ups, and talk openly about how to handle them.
As your relationship deepens, enjoy falling in love with both the silly minutiae and the more important discoveries about your partner. Little things matter: how they take their coffee, what toppings they like on their burger. Big things matter: learn about their hometown, their family, their attachment style.
And you matter, too. Don’t lose yourself in your relationship. Work on self-validation, so you don’t need to rely solely on a partner for affirmation. Don’t sideline your friends either – they’ll be the ones that catch you when you fall.
If things turn sour, feel free to dip! There’s no need to settle. Being single is better than being in a dead-end relationship. And remind yourself that the myth of “the one” is just that – a myth. You have many potential soulmates out there. In time, what’s meant for you will come.
Rules for heartbreak
Heartbreak is inevitable, and it sometimes happens in even the best love stories. Think about it this way: it hurts profoundly because you loved profoundly. The depth of grief reflects the height from which you fell when the relationship ended.
So yes, breakups brutally suck. You might wanna hide under the covers with a pint of Chunky Monkey and cry-sing Alanis Morissette for a week straight. Eli fully supports this wallowing! Light some sage, blast your favorite tracks, and give yourself space to fully soak in the sadness for a bit.
Eventually though, you’ve gotta peel yourself off the unwashed sheets and take back your power. Have a symbolic burial: dig a hole, toss in his hoodie and old letters, sprinkle some rose petals. Say goodbye out loud, then Treat Yo’ Self to a bold new haircut or some snazzy nail art. Shift your focus to celebrating the badass single you.
It’s tempting to obsess and spiral out with depressive thoughts, replaying your faults on an ugly mental loop. But don’t listen to those nasty lies. You get to write this story – and it’s all about the lessons, boundaries, and self-discovery ahead. While heartbreak sucks, it teaches us so much about love and priorities and strength.
The hardest part is remembering this hellish hurting is temporary. One morning, soon, you’ll wake up and realize the relentless ache has eased. You’re breathing again. Then you’ll know: if you survived this utter demolition, you can survive freaking anything. Cry your tears, then pull on your big-girl boots and walk tall. Your revival awaits, babe!
Honoring your life
Life doesn’t always go as planned. Eli learned that the hard way after spending years trying to be everything she thought others wanted. Do you feel like you’re just going through the motions to impress people? Are you exhausted trying to live up to unrealistic expectations?
Here’s the secret: you have the power to take control and live life on your terms. As the CEO of your own life, you make the executive decisions. It starts with tuning out expectations and getting real with yourself. So grab your journal and ask the tough questions – what do you want? This isn’t about what you think you should do, but what choice actually feels right for you.
It’s scary, but you’ll be so much happier when you start honoring your authentic self. Throw out those trendy tops that aren’t really you. Say no to things that don’t light you up. And when people judge, remember that you’re too hot to care about the haters! Confidence is the ultimate outfit.
Here’s another game-changing idea: failure beats playing it safe. So try and fail toward a goal that excites you rather than stagnate out of fear. Now, this doesn’t mean holding yourself to impossible standards. Eli used to make vision boards with unrealistic expectations that just stressed her out. Today, she focuses on attainable steps she can take to get closer to her ideal life – for instance, being a woman who’s happy, doesn’t count calories, and doesn’t hide her vibrator.
The point is, you have the pen, and only you can write your story. It won’t be perfect, but it can still be beautiful. So stop waiting for some magical moment. You want to fall in love? Fall in love with yourself! You want to take a big trip? Do it! You want a fresh start? News flash: any day can be day one!
Roll up your sleeves and start building the life you want, one baby step at a time. You’ve got this!
Conclusion
Love comes from self-love. Modern dating can be dizzying hellride or a fun rollercoaster – your attitude toward yourself makes all the difference. So embrace your independence, discover yourself, set boundaries, and let go of unrealistic expectations before pursuing romance.
Dating should be a fun way of getting to know people – no expectations, no anxiety, no drama. Good communication from the start builds intimacy to withstand relationships’ inevitable ups and downs. And heartbreak, though excruciating, is an opportunity for you to learn what you want.
Ultimately, if you honor your most authentic self, what’s meant to come for you will come. Trust in yourself!
About the Author
Eli Rallo