Table of Contents
Is the ‘Myth of Meritocracy’ Keeping Women Trapped as America’s Invisible Safety Net?
Discover the harsh reality of America’s broken support system in Holding It Together by sociologist Jessica Calarco. Learn how the lack of a social safety net forces women into exhaustion, why the ‘myth of meritocracy’ perpetuates poverty, and how a new ‘union of care’ could finally bring relief to millions of struggling families.
Stop blaming yourself for systemic failures—read the full summary below to understand why the deck is stacked against caregivers and what we can actually do to fix it.
Genres
History, Politics, Society, Culture
Understand the harsh reality facing millions of women in America
Holding It Together (2024) explores the hardships facing women all over the US. In the absence of any social safety net, women endure immense pressure in their multiple roles as caregivers and low-paid workers to sustain life for themselves and their families with little to no help.
You’re in line at the grocery store: Ahead of you, a woman juggles two restless children while glancing nervously at the items in her cart, mentally calculating if she can afford her essential items. You’ve seen this woman before, working at one of the retail stores downtown. You wonder how she does it all – managing kids while working a low-paying job.
This all-too-common scene offers a window into a much larger issue: across the United States, countless women are stretched too thin, desperately trying to balance the demands of work and family while grappling with insufficient pay and mounting debt.
This raises a crucial question: Why, in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, are so many people struggling so much?
In this summary, you’ll learn what sociologist Jessica Calarco discovered when she dug into the systemic issues that trap women in these exhausting cycles. After interviewing hundreds of American families, her conclusion is that change is long overdue.
And once you hear these women’s stories, you’ll have no choice but to agree.
The glue holding the country together
Akari is a single mother of two young children. She works tirelessly to make ends meet, juggling two retail jobs during the week, and a shift at a manufacturing facility on the weekends. She clocks in 50 hours a week for a maximum of $3,000 a month.
In her Indiana town, the living wage is $7,300. Despite her relentless efforts, Akari remains $20,000 in debt. She’s also shouldered with the guilt of not being present for her children.
A few years ago, tragedy struck. Akari’s partner was shot and killed, leaving the children without a father and, in many ways, without a mother as well. Akari’s demanding work schedule, driven by the need to provide for her family, means she’s physically absent for much of their lives.
Akari’s story is both heartbreaking and far from unique. Across the United States, countless women are in similar situations, working multiple jobs and fighting to make a living.
And yet, consider how wealthy the US is. It begs the question – why are so many families in desperate circumstances?
The core issue lies in the lack of a societal safety net. Instead of investing in essential services like childcare and creating positive social policies, the US has done the opposite. For decades, the federal minimum wage has stagnated at $7.25 an hour. Additionally, attacks on unions have made it nearly impossible for workers to secure basic rights like paid sick leave and fair working conditions.
Without a safety net, a society will unravel. The US experiences higher levels of depression and poverty compared to other high-income countries, alongside greater political unrest.
The absence of support systems means the responsibility of holding everything together falls disproportionately on individuals, particularly women. Women like Akari become the invisible glue of the economy, working tirelessly for low pay while balancing childcare and other responsibilities.
This scenario isn’t just unfair; it’s unsustainable. Things could be different, and later we’ll look at some possible solutions. But first, we need to understand how women get trapped in the first place. How do they end up being the ones expected to keep their families and, by extension, the country together?
Destined to become caregivers
From an early age, girls in the US are taught to see themselves as “mothers-in-waiting.” They’re groomed to believe that caring for others is their natural calling. This deep-seated belief permeates all aspects of life, and sets the stage for many women’s futures.
Indeed, not all women want to become mothers. But the rates of unplanned pregnancies in the US are alarmingly high. About half of all pregnancies are unplanned, with a significant number of new mothers being in their teens.
Abstinence-only sex education and limited access to birth control can incur significant social costs. The situation has worsened following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, which tightened restrictions on abortion. This means some women are forced into motherhood.
Take the story of Brooke – one of the women Calarco interviewed. Brooke never wanted children, but she was raised in a conservative Christian family. When she became pregnant while in college, abortion wasn’t a realistic option for her. Feeling pressured to keep the baby, Brooke dropped out of college and took on multiple low-paying jobs to support herself and her child.
Then there’s Sylvia, who stepped into a parental role without becoming pregnant herself. When her brother’s girlfriend struggled with postpartum mental illness and drug addiction, Sylvia became the primary caregiver for her nieces and nephews. This responsibility forced her to abandon her college plans, and stay in a low-income job she hated.
Things could have been different for Sylvia. With a social safety net – with government help – the children’s parents could have got the support they needed. Sylvia wouldn’t have been forced to sacrifice her own hopes and dreams.
These examples illustrate how women find themselves stuck in caregiving roles, whether through personal motherhood or by supporting other family members. When they inevitably begin to struggle, society places the blame squarely on them. Common refrains include, “If you’d gotten married…” or “If you’d gone to college…” – as if personal choices are solely to blame for their hardships.
The reality is that even when making the “right” choices – whether that’s getting married, attending college, or pursuing a STEM career – security isn’t guaranteed. Women who achieve higher education often incur significant debt, and end up in precarious, low-paying jobs. The promise of stability through education isn’t as reliable as it once was.
Despite these obvious systemic issues, US society continues to place the burden of failure on individuals. And as we’ll see, this is deeply ingrained in the culture.
The myth of meritocracy
Many Americans believe in meritocracy – the idea that if you work hard and become good at what you do, you’ll succeed.
This idea dates back centuries. In 1766, Benjamin Franklin wrote that the best way to help the poor wasn’t by making their lives easier, but by “leading or driving them” out of poverty. Today, there’s still an aversion to providing support.
This idea is so ingrained that many Americans who are struggling themselves share this aversion. Even in financial dire straits, they resist the notion of government benefits, thinking that they should be able to succeed on their own.
This mindset has been reinforced via self-help philosophies. For instance, in the nineteenth-century New Thought Movement. Led by figures like Phineas Quimby, the movement posited that personal happiness or misery was self-determined. One of Quimby’s students, Mary Baker Eddy, became the founder of Christian Science. She argued that health was a condition of the mind, not the body. It was something the individual could control.
These philosophies have profoundly influenced American thought, leading to contemporary bestsellers like Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret. Byrne’s book promotes the idea that thinking positively will attract health and wealth.
The belief that individuals hold ultimate control over their lives has troubling implications. One could take from this line of thinking that if you’re an exhausted single mother working three jobs, that’s your fault.
People struggle for all kinds of reasons, many of which are beyond their control. But Americans love the myth of meritocracy. It makes them feel that if they work hard and have the right mindset, everything will be okay. And so, rather than building a safety net and helping people in difficulty, US society passes harsh judgment on low-income families. The myth of meritocracy endures, to the benefit of billionaires and big corporations, while millions of people – women in particular – suffer.
Still no safety net
In 2020, Americans experienced a glimpse of what a social safety net could look like. The COVID-19 pandemic was a devastating crisis. It also led to change – at least in the short term.
The pandemic prompted government intervention that provided real support to families. According to research, pandemic relief efforts extended the average family’s “resilience” – the time they could maintain their standard of living after a job loss – by about 15 weeks.
Essentially, struggling families were given a temporary safety net, and this government effort had the potential to be a turning point. By early 2022, however, the eviction moratorium had ended, along with pandemic relief checks and monthly child tax credit payments. Instead of seizing the opportunity to permanently establish these changes, US society reverted back to its pre-pandemic ways.
The reasons for this regression are both complex and straightforward. At the center of the issue are politicians and billionaires who reap their own rewards from maintaining the status quo. Without a safety net, the population is easier to divide and exploit. And while the wealthiest Americans could easily contribute to a permanent safety net, the political desire to make this happen is lacking.
For example, President Biden proposed a billionaire tax that could have generated $250 billion annually. But the bill wasn’t passed. This was largely due to opposition from a Democratic senator, Joe Manchin. Manchin argued that instead of “targeting” billionaires, everyone should just “pull together and row.”
The sad reality is that change is unlikely without a collective will to craft a strong safety net.
Until people unite and acknowledge that a fairer society is in everyone’s best interest, the rich will remain rich and the poor will be forced to hold it together without support.
A solution: Unions of care
Admittedly, things are looking bleak. America is a long way away from real, systematic change.
Let’s take a look at a comparison between the US and Iceland, for example.
In 1975, women across Iceland protested for their rights. In the years that followed, policy changes were made, and life improved significantly – particularly for women and children.
By 2023, Iceland was ranked the best country in the world for women, while the US languished at forty-third. This shocking contrast highlights the potential for change when society collectively demands it.
As a start, we should discuss what meaningful change could look like, and consider short-term actions that can pave the way. Calarco argues that the solution must be a collective one. No more burdening the individual, or self-help recommendations. We need to do this together.
Calarco’s proposal is something she calls unions of care: she envisions a large-scale union that bridges the gaps between care industries. It would connect care workers – both paid and unpaid – and the recipients of care. Such a coalition would promote a sense of collective responsibility, and would push for systemic change, elevating the societal value of care work.
Imagine a society where care is the primary measure of a person’s contributions rather than achievement. This shift would transform how we value and reward those who provide care for others. While some people might be hesitant to join such a movement, we need to remember that we’re all more connected than we might realize.
We already have care networks populated by the people we depend on, and those who depend on us. Real change begins with acknowledging our interconnectedness and uniting to support one another. This was a central message of feminists in the 1970s and 1980s, and it remains relevant today.
It’s not too late to start valuing care and working toward a world where care work is fairly compensated – a world where a stay-at-home mother could be paid for her labor.
Ultimately, we’re all in this together, and a society that values care and the contributions of women benefits everyone.
Conclusion
The main takeaway of this summary to Holding It Together, by Jessica Calarco is that…
Women in the US are buckling under a system that has no social safety net. Many have little choice but to balance motherhood with multiple jobs. They end up trapped in caregiving roles, and despite working tirelessly, they’re barely making ends meet.
To make matters worse, American society blames individual women themselves for their struggles, which perpetuates the myth of meritocracy. In the US, there’s a widespread belief that individual effort alone dictates success. This means there’s little incentive to provide support on a large scale.
Relief programs during the COVID-19 pandemic briefly demonstrated the positive impact of a social safety net. However, political resistance has hindered efforts to enact lasting change. Women continue to endure long-term hardships as they’re expected to fill the roles of caregivers and low-income workers.
Ultimately, societal change requires acknowledging our interconnectedness. A society that better compensates care work and recognizes the contributions of women benefits us all.