30 Practical Tools to Hone Your Communication Skills: Active Listening Techniques by Nixaly Leonardo

Effective communication is a vital skill that can transform your personal and professional relationships. In “Active Listening Techniques: 30 Practical Tools to Hone Your Communication Skills,” Nixaly Leonardo presents a comprehensive guide to mastering the art of active listening. Discover how these powerful techniques can elevate your interactions and help you become a more empathetic, understanding communicator.

Keep reading to uncover the secrets to effective communication and learn how to apply these transformative active listening tools in your daily life.

Genres

Self-help, Communication, Personal Development, Business, Psychology, Relationships, Interpersonal Skills, Language Arts, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership

“Active Listening Techniques” is a practical guide that offers 30 actionable tools to enhance your communication skills. Leonardo breaks down the concept of active listening into easily digestible techniques that can be applied in various situations.

The book covers the fundamentals of active listening, such as paying attention, showing empathy, and providing feedback. It also delves into more advanced techniques, including handling difficult conversations, dealing with emotions, and adapting to different communication styles. Throughout the book, Leonardo provides real-life examples and exercises to help readers practice and internalize these valuable skills.

Review

Nixaly Leonardo’s “Active Listening Techniques” is a must-read for anyone seeking to improve their communication skills. The book’s straightforward approach and practical tools make it accessible to readers of all backgrounds. Leonardo’s expertise shines through as she presents each technique with clarity and precision, ensuring that readers can easily grasp and apply the concepts.

One of the strengths of the book is its emphasis on empathy and understanding. Leonardo stresses the importance of putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and truly listening to their perspective. This approach is particularly valuable in today’s fast-paced, digital world, where genuine connections can be hard to come by.

The book’s organization is another highlight. Each technique is presented in a concise, standalone chapter, allowing readers to easily reference specific tools as needed. The exercises at the end of each chapter reinforce the lessons and encourage readers to actively engage with the material.

While the book is comprehensive, some readers may find that certain techniques require more practice and dedication to master fully. However, Leonardo acknowledges this and provides guidance on how to continue developing these skills beyond the book.

Overall, “Active Listening Techniques” is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to become a better communicator. Whether you’re a business professional, a student, or simply someone seeking to improve your relationships, this book offers a wealth of practical tools and insights to help you achieve your goals.

Recommendation

Do you struggle with listening to others, or getting your message across to them? You can ease those difficulties by studying Nixaly Leonardo’s insights on active listening and applying her 30 tools to transform your communication skills. Building on her decade of social work, Leonardo covers several aspects of active listening, including mindfulness, empathy, nonverbal cues, and effective questioning techniques. Her accessible techniques will help you improve your ability to hear others at a deeper level of understanding.

Take-Aways

• To improve your communication skills, learn the basics of active listening.
• Be mindful of your perceptions and expectations during conversations and confrontations.
• Adjust your communication to make sure others hear and understand you.
• Persuade others by acknowledging their needs, projecting confidence, and choosing the right words.
• Deal with stressful situations by validating other people’s emotions, easing tension, and refocusing the conversation.

Summary

To improve your communication skills, learn the basics of active listening.

Active listening calls for paying attention, understanding people’s emotions, and giving other speakers time to talk. Psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson coined this term in 1957, describing it as a conversational skill that enables you to absorb the total meaning of what other participants say, recognize their emotions, and read their nonverbal cues.

You can apply active listening in various situations, whether you’re working with employees and colleagues or handling personal relationships. Therapists and coaches use active listening to make sure people feel supported and heard. In personal relationships, active listening helps individuals feel closer to each other. At work, active listening shows your respect for other people. It demonstrates that you want to understand their ideas before sharing your thoughts.

“Active listening and related communication skills may be more important now than ever.”

Developing communication skills is crucial for successful social and professional interactions. Failures in communication can lead to problems at work and in your relationships. These skills are not innate, and most people can improve how well they listen.

To hear other people better, understand and apply these seven fundamentals of active listening.

1. Paraphrasing – Restate what someone says to make sure you understand the person correctly. This can make other people like you more, but it may not always make them feel fully understood or satisfied with the conversation.
2. Using nonverbal language – This term is synonymous with paralanguage (the way people communicate without using words). Nonverbal cues make speakers feel valued and help them convey their message’s full meaning. Examples include sounds like “mhmm” and “ahh,” eye contact, gestures, posture, facial expressions, body position, and vocal tone and volume.
3. Emotional labeling – Employing this approach allows you to notice and repeat what others feel, which helps them recognize that you are working to understand what they hope to communicate. For example, you can label and delve into negative emotions by asking people what is making them feel that way.
4. Using silence – Being quiet is integral to listening because it allows speakers and listeners to take time to think, express their emotions, and emphasize points without interruption. It helps listeners relax and collect their thoughts.
5. Redirecting – A speaker who strays from the subject can cause confusion and dissatisfaction. A good listener can use redirection to turn the conversation back to the original topic in order to help maintain direction, allow all parties to finish expressing their thoughts, and reduce tension in emotionally charged conversations.
6. Mirroring – Facing the speaker, making eye contact, and matching his or her body language and tone of voice create a sense of connection and rapport. Maintaining eye contact and mirroring enhance your persuasion and likability. Use mirroring subtly and genuinely to avoid coming across as insincere.
7. Validating – Validate other people’s emotions by accepting and acknowledging their feelings without judgment and without feeling the need to agree with them. This grants them the right to experience their emotions and hold their beliefs, which helps them feel understood and supported.

Be mindful of your perceptions and expectations during conversations and confrontations.

The first part of active listening involves being mindful and present in conversations. If you multitask, look at your phone, or think about other matters, you may seem uncaring, distracted, and disrespectful. Being mindful, or fully present without judging, helps you ignore distractions and stay open-minded. Giving someone your complete attention for a short time is more valuable than partially listening for a longer period.

“Mindfulness helps us accept the fact that we all experience negative emotions and stress.”

Being mindful helps you understand how your experiences shape the way you perceive and interpret other people’s communication. Your past can lead you to make assumptions to protect yourself from potential harm. This can be helpful in certain situations, but it can hinder your understanding and acceptance of others’ messages. For example, if you are a woman, perhaps men demeaned you when you were growing up. So, if your husband makes a negative comment about dinner, you lash out. To avoid such harmful interactions, question your negative thoughts by examining what you think you know. Assess whether those thoughts reflect what is real and true.

Follow these steps to challenge and move through your assumptions:

1. Empathize with others before interacting with them.
2. Be aware of tension during conversations and choose to respond, not react.
3. Acknowledge when you react negatively. Apologize, and explain your commitment to change.
4. Involve loved ones in your journey by sharing your prejudgments and asking for their support.
5. Write journal entries about your reactions to increase your self-awareness and promote personal growth.
6. Be aware of your emotional state during any conversation.

Strong emotions can interfere with your ability to listen attentively. Be aware of the physical signs of intense emotions, and practice responding rather than reacting impulsively. Take time to address your emotions before engaging in conversations. Seeking support can help you become a better active listener.

Adjust your communication to make sure others hear and understand you.

Sometimes, people just don’t listen, which can be incredibly frustrating. Instead of giving up, apply a few tools to help them hear you.

To maintain a productive, respectful dialogue, consider other people’s communication styles and preferences. For example, say you work with an imaginative supervisor whose ideas often seem problematic and hazardous. Perhaps in the past, when you’ve been the first person to state your opinion about an idea, your boss shut you down, and the conversation resolved nothing. Navigate the situation tactfully by asking questions instead of directly challenging your supervisor’s idea. This may resolve the problem more easily and without conflict. Describe or even praise the supervisor’s vision. At the same time, seek details to address your concerns without undermining his or her creativity or judgment.

“It’s important to know your audience.”

Choose wisely when and where you raise important issues. For example, don’t ask for a raise when your boss is in a bad mood. Create productive conversations by initiating positive interactions or engaging in small talk before delving into weighty topics. This will help you determine if your listeners are emotionally and physically well, and it allows them to express their thoughts and concerns. To get the response you want, avoid interrupting people when they are busy or focused on other tasks.

Consider your mode of communication. Decide if you want to talk with someone face-to-face or on the phone, or if you’d rather send a text or email. Select the appropriate mode for the person you’ll be talking to and for the information you want to convey. Electronic communication such as texting and email can remove the emotions behind a message, making it clear and to the point. Face-to-face and phone interactions allow you to pick up on nonverbal cues and adjust your behavior accordingly. If you feel angry at your boss, for example, cool off and consider writing an email, because a face-to-face interaction might be disastrous.

Persuade others by acknowledging their needs, projecting confidence, and choosing the right words.

Persuading others to listen to you is a matter of give and take. The next time you have trouble convincing people of an idea, consider why they might react negatively. Why did they immediately decide not to agree with your viewpoint? Then, listen to learn what they need.

For example, you may work in IT and receive a call to help another department with the firm’s internet service. When you reach the department’s office, everyone insists on telling you everything they researched, even though you can see the problem instantly. Instead of trying to talk over them, recognize that they need you to hear them. When you acknowledge their needs, they feel heard and respected, and you can get on with your job.

“Giving others what they need will help you gain respect and build a stronger bond.”

When you must handle a sensitive situation or persuade someone, use precise language. Choosing the right words proves crucial to avoid hurting others and to convey your intended message. For example, when your boss puts a hand on your shoulder and that makes you uncomfortable, you might flare up, causing a scene. Instead of letting an uncomfortable or awkward situation get the best of you, pause and find the right words before your emotions carry you away. Avoid judgmental or accusatory language (“You’re always disrespecting my space”). Instead, use “I” statements (“I feel uncomfortable when I don’t have enough personal space”).

Your confidence persuades others, so lacking confidence could cost you. Even when you may not feel confident, pretend that you do. Stand up straight, take your time to answer questions, and have a firm handshake. Trust your ability to adapt to new conditions.

Deal with stressful situations by validating other people’s emotions, easing tension and refocusing the conversation.

Confronting tricky situations when you know others may get emotional can be difficult. For example, trying to tell a grandmother not to spoil her grandchild can result in hurt feelings, frustration, and possibly the loss of a fond babysitter. To communicate with less fallout, address the grandmother’s emotions. Validate her right to her feelings, and then let her know that her feelings are common and acceptable. For example, you could say something along the lines of, “I know you must be upset, and I would be, too.” Both approaches foster stronger connections and encourage open and genuine conversations.

“When people think they’re alone in their emotions, they might blame themselves or think something’s wrong with them.”

However, if tensions emerge, knowing how to calm others will ease any situation. Follow these steps to restore a more peaceful atmosphere:

1. Recognize the escalating situation. Stay aware of negative emotions, and identify specific triggering statements.
2. Lower your tone, speak slowly, and avoid raising your voice.
3. Seek clarification from the speaker by expressing your emotions and asking the speaker to explain the intended message.
4. Take responsibility for your contribution to any tensions, and apologize if necessary.
5. Heed the speaker’s concerns. Acknowledge and validate his or her emotions and perspectives.
6. If tensions continue to rise, repeat the previous steps, or suggest taking a break to cool down so you can resume the conversation later.
7. Set boundaries and communicate the potential consequences that may unfold if the conversation escalates. Emphasize the goal of having a respectful and calm dialogue.

If the conversation goes awry, refocus on the original subject. When people become defensive, they stop listening, and arguments veer off course. This practically guarantees that you won’t resolve the original issue, and the argument will happen again. Take these steps to address communication challenges when the listener doesn’t respond to your questions or concerns:

1. Rephrase your statement to make it more transparent and easier to understand.
2. Acknowledge the shift in the conversation and bring it back to the original topic. For example, say, “It seems like you’ve started talking about something else, but I originally wanted to address the issue of cleanliness.”
3. If the listener keeps changing the subject, ask for his or her thoughts before you continue. Provide your listener a chance to vent.
4. Paraphrase what you’re hearing. Validate your listener’s feelings, and find a way to connect his or her concerns to yours.

By following these steps, you can redirect the conversation back to the original topic while making sure that both parties hear and understand one another.

About the Author

Nixaly Leonardo, LCSW, is an experienced counselor, therapist, and life coach.