- “Good Morning, Monster” by Catherine Gildiner is a collection of case studies, each portraying a different client’s emotional recovery journey in therapy.
- The book offers profound insights into the therapeutic process, emphasizing the importance of trust, empathy, and resilience.
- It is a compelling and empathetic exploration of human emotion and healing, providing valuable lessons for both mental health professionals and those seeking to understand the human psyche.
Good Morning, Monster (2020) chronicles some of the heroic patients therapist Catherine Gildiner worked with over the course of her practice. The patients experienced varied traumatic events and used different techniques in their work with Gildiner. Their stories exemplify the resiliency of the human mind and spirit.
Table of Contents
Introduction: Learn how therapy and resiliency of mind and spirit helped one therapist’s patients overcome immense obstacles.
Have you or a loved one ever participated in therapy? If you have, you know it can be extremely challenging! Confronting your unsavory characteristics, wading through a mess of pain, suffering, and trauma from childhood, or even working through problems with loved ones with the support of a neutral third party – these are not easy tasks.
But for those who stick with it, brave the storm, and ride through to the end, the results can be life-changing. For five of therapist Catherine Gildiner’s patients, therapy was precisely that.
In this summary, we’ll cover three of these five patients’ stories. These men and women all experienced enormous hardship in their childhoods, which followed them into their adult lives. You’ll learn about a music prodigy left alone for most of his childhood, a Cree man who was abducted from his family by the Canadian government as a child and put in a residential school, and a highly successful antique dealer whose company began to crumble when her anxiety spiked.
A note before we begin: Although we won’t detail the most intense experiences these patients lived through, please be aware their stories include difficult topics such as uncomfortable emotions, physical, mental, and sexual abuse, and cultural genocide. Take care of yourself as you consume this summary.
Peter’s Story
Have you ever started unwrapping a present, expecting one layer of wrapping paper, but found a mischievous relative added layer after layer for you to dig through to find the present? Even if you haven’t, imagine the surprise you might feel at encountering more layers than you’d expected!
For Gildiner, the idea that situations can have many layers is central to therapy. She often had patients seek her assistance for one reason, only to discover later that the root of the problem was much different.
One such patient was a pianist, Peter. Initially, the musician was working with a urologist because of erectile dysfunction. However, the urologist could find no reason why Peter – who could masturbate to completion and had no physical impediments – couldn’t achieve an erection during sex. Peter was attracted to women and wanted a sexual relationship, but even the strongest, most reliable drug the urologist had didn’t help.
The urologist recommended Gildiner because Peter’s problem seemed purely psychological. Indeed, Gildiner would come to find it was exactly so.
The root of Peter’s impotence emerged during their very first session – Gildiner learned Peter had been locked in an attic for most of his childhood. His mother, a Chinese immigrant, had largely run their family restaurant on her own, and had locked him away when he couldn’t sit still as a toddler. When Peter started therapy, he hadn’t questioned his mother’s behavior – it was the only reality he’d known, after all. He only wondered why other Chinese children from similar families didn’t seem to have the same problems he did.
Eventually, Gildiner encouraged Peter to talk with his mother about her actions during his childhood. He discovered his mother had also been traumatized when she was young. She had been forced to work in a brothel, with customers routinely burning her with cigarettes for various grievances. Peter’s mother was just trying to protect him by locking him away from their restaurant’s customers when he couldn’t sit still and stay out of the way on his own – very normal behavior for a young child, of course.
One of Peter’s biggest realizations throughout his work with Gildiner was that although his mother did what she thought was best for their family – and indeed, did better than her relatives had done for her when she was young – she had still abused and neglected him.
Peter dissociated as a child, disconnecting from his emotional and physical pain to survive. The coping mechanism followed him into adulthood, becoming a barrier to living a full, satisfying life. Peter’s dedication to reconnecting with himself, to facing the reality of his childhood and his mother’s actions, was extremely courageous. Over years of work with Gildiner, he faced many uncomfortable and even downright excruciating feelings and truths. But his hard work and indomitable spirit paid off.
By the end of his time with Gildiner, Peter had successfully entered an emotional and sexual relationship with a woman. Twenty-five years after his therapy, he was far from the shy man he’d been when they first met. He made consistent, confident eye contact and smiled freely. He was in a successful relationship heading toward marriage and had flourished professionally, giving piano masterclasses to people around the world.
Peter was one of Gildiner’s most heroic patients. She also learned important lessons herself in her work with him, especially related to how layered therapy ends up being sometimes.
And the lesson was especially pertinent to her work with another heroic patient, one who had built strong emotional barriers within himself to survive. We’ll discover his story in the next section!
Danny’s Story
Do you enjoy learning, or do you prefer to stick with what you know? There can be delight in learning new things, but also sometimes struggle or uncertainty as we adapt to new realities.
When Gildiner first agreed to see Danny – a Cree man with an intensely traumatic history with white people – she realized she was very much in need of learning. Gildiner herself was a white woman with little knowledge of Indigenous cultures in Canada. She knew she had a lot to learn if she were to help Danny.
Gildiner sought advice from Native healers and researched the histories and cultures of the Indigenous peoples of Canada – and of the Cree in particular. Still, she and Danny faced many issues in their work together because of their differences.
For example, it took many sessions of simply sitting in silence for Gildiner to begin making any headway in the therapy. Danny was naturally reticent, a result – as Gildiner would find out – of the trauma from his childhood, but also from his world views. She learned from Dr. Clare Brant, a Harvard-educated Indigenous psychiatrist, that many Indigenous cultures held firm views on not interfering with one another.
To survive in some of the extreme environments of Canada, and in small, close-knit communities, members developed strong boundaries. Asking questions or prying into what another was doing or feeling were deemed interfering – and seen as extremely rude. Gildiner had to carefully explain to Danny that he would need to talk with her if their therapy was to work.
Slowly, Danny’s story unfolded. His boss had referred him to Gildiner because he worried about how unemotional Danny seemed after the loss of his wife and daughter in a car accident.
As with Peter’s case, the issues affecting Danny came from his childhood. He was taken from his family by the Canadian government when he was around five and forced to attend a residential school. If you’re not familiar with the history of residential schools within North America, they were government schools to indoctrinate Indigenous children and destroy Indigenous cultures and languages. Danny was beaten if he spoke his native Cree language and was the victim of horrible and persistent sexual abuse at the hands of the many white men who ran the school.
This stemmed from another issue between Gildiner and Danny. Gildiner tried to help him rationalize why he, in particular, had been subjected to so much sexual abuse. She said he was handsome, that it was likely why so many of the men had targeted him.
At that, Danny got up and left the appointment.
Gildiner didn’t hear from him for several weeks. Then he returned, acting as if nothing had happened. Finally, Gildiner learned that when she’d complimented his physical appearance, he’d been triggered – the white men at school had always complimented and then abused him. Gildiner apologized and explained she’d meant to say that the abuse hadn’t ever been his fault – that he had no choice in his looks, but it made sense that someone committing such horrible acts as the men had would more often choose someone attractive.
Gildiner and Danny’s work together was full of stumbling blocks as the two tried to bridge their differences. Their work helped Gildiner realize Western therapy isn’t always helpful for patients on its own, especially for Indigenous peoples. As Gildiner learned, traditional Indigenous healing includes a spiritual aspect and focuses on harmonizing with nature. Traditional, Western psychotherapy takes more of a man-against-nature stance. Gildiner encouraged Danny to see native healers alongside their work together. Eventually, he did, adding an important element to his healing.
Danny’s case involved depersonalization – he shut down his emotions to survive the immense pain, humiliation, and abuse he had been subjected to. Unsurprisingly, once Danny started opening up and feeling his emotions, he fell into depression. He couldn’t get out of bed, didn’t call in sick, and missed appointments with Gildiner. She called his general practitioner, recommending he receive antidepressants, which helped.
At this point, many people might have turned to drug abuse, returned to walling off their emotions, or tried a more permanent, devastating method to prevent themselves from feeling. This is an extremely difficult phase in healing after intense depersonalization. But Danny stubbornly and heroically forged ahead, and with Gildiner’s and other healers’ help, he transformed his life.
By the end of Danny’s time with Gildiner, he started relearning the Cree language. He was in a relationship with an Indigenous woman, with whom he was working on being emotionally open and vulnerable – something he’d never done with his late wife. When Gildiner tried to reach out to Danny almost thirty years after they first met, she found he had died of throat cancer in his early fifties, almost two decades earlier. But in the years he lived after they worked together, Danny became engaged and invested in his community, providing mentoring for others on a spiritual journey. Though he died too young, his story perfectly exemplifies the resilience of the human mind and spirit.
Madeline’s Story
Have you ever retired or quit a job, only to be pulled back for one final project?
Madeline was Gildiner’s last patient, and their work together occurred after Gildiner had officially retired from psychotherapy. Madeline’s father convinced Gildiner to work with her, and Gildiner accepted due to various reasons from her own past, including a similar father figure of her own.
Madeline had an excellent eye for antiques and had built and run a global antique-dealing business. However, her anxiety had grown so unmanageable that it affected the entire business.
It took time for Gildiner and Madeline to uncover the reasons for Madeline’s intense anxiety. Perhaps it’s not surprising by now, but they discovered Madeline’s troubles stemmed from her childhood.
As Madeline and Gildiner talked, Madeline’s childhood experiences came to light. Back then, Madeline’s mother greeted her every morning with the phrase, “Good morning, monster.” Her mother was volatile and abusive – she had Madeline’s beloved dog put down as a punishment, left Madeline home alone for six weeks when she was around eleven years old, had sex with Madeline’s boyfriend when Madeline was sixteen and her mother was in her forties, called Madeline a monster, controlled her diet, and humiliated her in front of others. She also went on rampages throughout the house, shouting and breaking things. Madeline’s father never stood up to her mother – when she went on rampages, father and daughter hid together in the basement.
One of the biggest realizations Madeline had throughout her work with Gildiner was that she had internalized the way her mother treated and talked to her. Madeline, deep down, thought of herself as a monster who didn’t deserve success or even love. She was terrified that people would find out who she was – or who she thought she was – and everything would come crashing down around her.
So she kept at arm’s distance a man she liked and was good friends with, who had told her he cared deeply for her. She couldn’t bring herself to trust that she deserved the relationship. She firmly believed that her company didn’t deserve success, so she refused to allow anyone from the company to fly, as she was convinced the plane would inevitably crash with them on board.
It took working with Gildiner over four years to unravel these dark effects of living with, as Gildiner puts it in her book, a disturbed mother and an inconsistent father. Madeline had to recognize she’d been wrong in her belief that it was her fault her mother had never loved her. She wasn’t a monster, incapable of being loved. She had just been a little girl with a mother incapable of loving.
Through their time together, Madeline faced countless hard truths about her past, her mother, and the insidious beliefs her mother had instilled in her. She still had difficult battles to face, but she was finally healthily equipped to do so. When Gildiner talked with her fourteen years later, Madeline was in a healthy relationship with the very man she’d been pushing away during therapy. She’d grown closer with her father, and her business ventures were thriving.
Summary
A common theme across Gildiner’s experiences as a therapist was the necessity of flexibility on the therapist’s part. As she writes, every patient is unique. The methods and techniques that are helpful vary from situation to situation, and a therapist must use their discretion when working with patients. The other essential factor for therapy to be a success is the patient themselves – all of those described in Gildiner’s work are examples of truly courageous people dedicated to growing and figuring out how to thrive despite, or even because of, their childhood traumas. On their own, a therapist or a patient might not be very effective. But together, they can truly change lives.
CATHERINE GILDINER was a clinical psychologist in private practice for twenty-five years. Her best-selling memoir Too Close to The Falls was published to international acclaim. She lives in Toronto.
Genres
Psychology, Motivation, Inspiration, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Self Help, Memoir, Adult, Biography, Health, Biography Memoir, Psychotherapy, Clinical Psychology, Autobiography
Table of Contents
Author’s Note 1 (2)
Laura 3 (74)
Peter 77 (54)
Danny 131 (70)
Alana 201 (76)
Madeline 277 (78)
Epilogue 355 (4)
Acknowledgments 359
Review
“Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Journeys to Emotional Recovery” by Catherine Gildiner is an insightful and emotionally charged book that delves into the world of therapy, offering readers a unique perspective on the process of healing and recovery. The book is a collection of case studies from the author’s long and distinguished career as a therapist, each providing a window into the complex and often tumultuous journeys of her clients towards emotional well-being.
Summary: The book is structured around five deeply personal and compelling stories, each representing a different aspect of the human experience and the healing process. These stories are based on real clients, but their identities and details are disguised to protect their privacy.
- The Abused Child: Gildiner introduces us to Sarah, a woman who has endured a traumatic childhood filled with abuse. Through their therapeutic relationship, we witness the slow and painful process of coming to terms with her past, as well as the resilience and strength required to heal.
- The Angry Man: In this chapter, the author guides us through the transformation of a man named Adam, who is struggling with anger and its impact on his relationships. Gildiner explores the underlying causes of his anger and the strategies he employs to regain control of his life.
- The Anorexic: Emily’s story tackles the complexities of an eating disorder, offering a glimpse into the mind of someone battling anorexia. Gildiner demonstrates the importance of patience and understanding in helping her client recover from this devastating condition.
- The Betrayed Spouse: A relationship in crisis is the focus of this chapter, as Gildiner follows the journey of a woman dealing with the betrayal of her husband. The book highlights the intricacies of trust, forgiveness, and the rebuilding of a life shattered by infidelity.
- The Depressed Partner: The final story revolves around a woman named Kay, who struggles with depression. Gildiner examines how therapy can help individuals confront their inner demons and emerge from the depths of despair.
Throughout the book, the author provides profound insights into the therapeutic process, including the importance of trust, empathy, and vulnerability. She showcases the struggles, triumphs, and setbacks that her clients experience on their paths to emotional recovery.
Review: “Good Morning, Monster” is a gripping and powerful exploration of the human psyche, showcasing the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative potential of therapy. Catherine Gildiner’s writing is empathetic and engaging, allowing readers to connect with the experiences of the individuals in the book. The author’s extensive experience as a therapist shines through, offering a wealth of wisdom and guidance for both mental health professionals and those seeking to understand the complexities of human emotion.
The book’s strength lies in its ability to bring the therapeutic process to life through these five distinct stories. It demonstrates that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing, and that every individual’s journey is unique. Gildiner’s emphasis on the importance of patience, self-discovery, and the courage to confront one’s demons is a valuable lesson for all.
“Good Morning, Monster” is not just a book about therapy; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It’s a must-read for anyone interested in psychology, mental health, and the indomitable power of the human will to heal and recover from even the most profound emotional wounds. This book is both a compassionate exploration of the human condition and a source of inspiration for those on their own journeys of recovery and self-discovery.