Summary: Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way by Jonah Berger

Magic Words (2023) teaches you how to use the power of language to achieve your goals. Want to win an argument, nail a job interview, or get your child to clean up after themselves? This guide reveals the magical yet scientifically proven words that may make all the difference.

Introduction: Use words to your advantage.

What comes to mind when you think of magic words? Perhaps “Abracadabra” or “Expecto Patronum.”

But this summary is not about fictional incantations. It turns out that there are real-world phrases that make certain outcomes more likely than others – almost like magic.

For instance, saying that you “recommend” something makes a person 34 percent more likely to follow your suggestion than if you were to simply say that you “like” it. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

This summary shows you how to use the hidden science behind language to your advantage. It teaches you how to use words to sell an idea, resolve conflict, and get ahead – at home and in the office.

Activate a sense of identity

Words are all around us. We each use about 16,000 of them a day. Yet we rarely think about which words we use.

It turns out that this choice can be pretty important.

In 2014, scientists conducted a study to find out how to get kids to tidy up. They allowed 4- to 5-year-old children to play for a bit and then waited until they were engaged in another activity. Then, they asked them to tidy up. They asked one group of kids to “help” clean up the toys, while they asked the other group to be “helpers” in cleaning up the toys.

Which group do you think was more likely to tidy up?

The ones that were encouraged to be “helpers.”

This brings us to our first trick in the bag: using words that activate a sense of identity.

One way to do this is to use nouns instead of verbs – like in the study. Nouns evoke category labels. It’s the difference between “Rebecca runs” and “Lisa is a runner.” Category labels such as “runner” imply a certain permanence. They make us think that a trait is an integral part of someone’s personality. Running seems like a stable part of Lisa’s identity, whereas Rebecca simply jogs once in a while.

That’s why it can help to use nouns to get people to do something good. Kids may not want to “help” at the moment, but they want to be seen as a “helper.” In 2008, political strategists used this principle to increase voter turnout. Instead of encouraging people to “vote,” campaigns talked about “being a voter.” It worked: voter turnout rose by 15 percent.

Another way to activate our own sense of identity is to use the word “don’t” instead of “can’t.” When we’re on a diet, for instance, we tend to say things like, “I can’t eat chocolate cake right now, because I’m trying to be healthy.” But this suggests that we actually do want to eat cake – it’s just that some outside force is preventing it. This makes it much harder to resist. So next time you’re trying to change a habit, speak in don’ts: “I don’t eat chocolate cake.” “Don’t” activates our sense of identity, and that makes us feel empowered. It suggests that we’re not trying to be healthy, we are healthy.

Speak with confidence

No matter what you think of Donald Trump, you can’t deny that he captures his audiences. His speaking style is simplistic and repetitive – and yet he manages to convince a lot of people of what he’s saying.

If there’s one thing Trump gets right, it’s the power with which he speaks.

Confidence can make all the difference in whether your audience buys your point or not.

How can our choice of words influence the confidence we convey?

Do what Donald does. Pretend you’re 100 percent convinced of your point by using definites like “definitely,” “obviously,” and “clearly.” In casual speech, we tend to hedge a lot. Hedges are phrases like “I think,” “perhaps,” and “sort of.” We use them to signal that something is our personal opinion and we’re not quite sure of it.

However, hedges suggest a lack of confidence. Definites, on the other hand, suggest things are crystal clear. And people are much more interested in listening to something that seems irrefutable.

However, a word of caution: sometimes being overly direct can backfire. When people are confronted with facts that go against their own beliefs, they tend to shut down and stop listening. It’s like an anti-persuasion defense system. So when you already know someone has a drastically different opinion than you, expressing doubt about your own opinion can actually make them more sympathetic to your point.

However, when you’re speaking to an undecided audience, confidence is key. Another principle for conveying confidence is the elimination of filler words such as “uh,” “um,” and “er.” Speakers who use a lot of filler words are perceived as less powerful and lower status. Simply waiting a little longer before you talk can reduce the number of filler words you’ll need.

Finally, speak in the present tense. When the author and his colleagues analyzed millions of product reviews, they found that those written in the present tense were rated as more helpful than those written in the past tense. Saying a book “is” an amazing read suggests that this is still the case. Saying it “was” an amazing read suggests that perhaps this was only true at a particular point in time.

Ask good questions

There’s the old saying that “there are no dumb questions.” The good news is, that’s probably true! But there are certainly better and worse questions depending on the situation.

Researchers at Stanford analyzed thousands of first dates to see which factors contribute to a good first impression. Apart from the obvious factors, like appearance, word choice significantly influenced how people were perceived.

The more questions someone asked, the better the first impression they had on their dates. People who asked lots of follow-up questions were perceived most positively of all. Probably because thoughtful follow-up questions signal that one is listening and genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. It turns out that people tend to be more interested in us when we show interest in them.

Asking questions is such powerful social glue that relationship researchers Arthur and Elaine Aron developed a 36-item questionnaire that can make any two people feel connected to each other. The 45-minute exercise builds from fun and casual questions (“Would you like to be famous?”) to deep and intimate inquiries (“If you died right now, what would be the thing you regretted not having told someone?”). It has helped thousands of strangers become fast friends.

Contrary to popular belief, asking for advice is often viewed positively. Researchers found that asking someone for advice on a task made people seem more, not less, competent.

Questions can also be a great way to deflect – as politicians know all too well. But the strategy also works for everyday life. Seeking information is usually viewed favorably. So if someone asks you an uncomfortable question, answering with your own question can save you from sharing information you don’t want to share.

Imagine a potential employer asks you if you plan on having kids. Answering with your own question, such as “Do you have any kids?” can serve as a deflection, helping you avoid answering this intrusive question.

On the flip side, you can learn to ask questions that coax people into sharing information they might otherwise withhold. In one study, researchers found that people were much more likely to divulge negative information when directly asked about it.

Imagine you’re buying a used laptop online. Asking “What problems does the laptop have?” instead of “Is there anything I should know about the laptop?” makes sellers about 50 percent more likely to be honest about any existing issues with the laptop.

Be concrete or get abstract

Questions are a great way to signal to others that we’re listening to them. And feeling heard makes people like and listen to us.

There’s another way we can harness this effect: by using concrete language. Being concrete is the difference between a retail employee telling someone “I’ll go look for that” and “I’ll fetch you those green sneakers you asked for.” The action is the same, but the latter formulation makes the customer feel much more cared for.

To study linguistic concreteness, the author and his colleague analyzed hundreds of customer service calls to a big online retailer. They found that the more concrete language the service employees used, the more satisfied the customers left the conversation. And not only that: customers also spent 30 percent more money with the retailer in the following weeks.

Using concrete language makes people feel like you’re paying attention and that you understand them. It also makes it easier for those people to pay attention to you and understand you.

The problem is that the more we know about something, the more abstractly we tend to think about it. For someone who doesn’t have the same knowledge, it can be hard to follow those abstract thoughts. That’s why it can be beneficial to take a step back from what you know, and think about how to present a topic as if the other person had zero prior knowledge of it. Often, complicated expert jargon like “identifying a value proposition” can be replaced by simple language, such as “making a case for why people should buy the product.” Using simple, concrete language rather than vague, abstract ideas helps people understand us.

Sometimes, though, being abstract can work in our favor. When researchers analyzed the impact of different startup pitches, they found that those that used more abstract language were more likely to receive investment. Abstract language made investors think a startup idea had more potential for growth.

Imagine, for instance, Uber had billed itself as a “ride-hailing app,” rather than a “transportation solution.” The first one sounds pretty useful, but the second one sounds like it could have a much broader impact. So if you’re trying to convince someone of the potential of an idea, abstract concepts are the way to go.

Leverage emotion

Consider two restaurants you know nothing about. The review for Restaurant A says “the food was delicious and the ambience electrifying.” The review for Restaurant B reads that “the food was expertly prepared and the ambience well-curated.” Which one would you rather go to?

Probably the first one. “Delicious” and “electrifying” are much more emotional words than “expertly prepared” and “well-curated.”

And emotions have a big impact on our judgment. For instance, restaurants with emotional reviews get more reservations.

It’s also why media outlets use clickbait headlines such as “10 Shocking Facts about Prince Harry.” Appealing to emotions is a powerful way to grab attention.

And a satisfying emotional arch is also the key to good storytelling.

When the authors analyzed the language used in blockbuster movies, they found that the most popular movies took people on an emotional rollercoaster. They switched between highly positive and highly negative moments.

Think about it: No one wants to hear a story about how a successful entrepreneur became even more successful. But people might like to hear a story about how an unemployed veteran became a successful entrepreneur. And people love to hear a story about how an unemployed veteran tried to start his own business, failed bitterly, pulled himself together again, tried once more, and finally became a successful entrepreneur. It’s the low points that make the high points feel that much more intense.

The more ups and downs the ride has, the more exciting it’ll be for people to follow. This goes for movies as well as for books, speeches, or online articles. Certain emotions are better at holding people’s attention than others though.

For instance, people are 30 percent more likely to finish an online article that makes them feel anxious than one makes them feel sad. Overall, people pay more attention when the emotions evoked involve a degree of uncertainty – such as anxiety, surprise, or hope.

Appealing to emotions doesn’t work across the board though. When researchers analyzed Amazon reviews, they found that emotional language works best for lifestyle products such as music, movies, and books. For utilitarian products such as razors, tools, or appliances, emotional language actually backfired. Emotional reviews were rated as less helpful.

So don’t get too teary in your review of your new dishwasher if you want other people to listen to you. But if you’re trying to tell a compelling story, using rich and varied emotional terms will work in your favor.

Blend in or stick out

Language serves as a tool for communicating with others. Its rules and rhythms change slowly over time, just as the community around it evolves.

Researchers at Stanford looked at the linguistic behavior of users of a beer-rating website to study this development on a small scale. They found that the beer enthusiasts’ online lingo changed over time, like a living organism. For instance, users began using more and more fruit-related words such as “citrusy” – even though the beers themselves didn’t change.

But the researchers also found something else. New users who adopted the site’s linguistic conventions quickly tended to stick around for longer.

As it turns out, linguistic similarity is an important aspect of community-building. Individuals who adopt the same language as their group, meaning they use similar phrases and expressions, are more likely to remain part of that group.

This holds true even in the workplace. When researchers analyzed the email communication of employees of a mid-sized firm, they found that those whose linguistic style matched that of their coworkers were three times more likely to be promoted. On the flip side, employees with a different linguistic style were four times more likely to be fired.

Other research has linked using similar language to everything from better dates to more successful negotiations.

But fitting in isn’t always a path to success. When it comes to music, for instance, differentiation – both in language and style – is a plus. Take Lil Nas X’s super hit Old Town Road. The catchy tune mixes elements of country and hip hop, and talks of “cowboy hats” as well as “Porsches.”

In the creative arena, things that stick out because of their dissimilarity tend to be more memorable and popular.

So if you’re in a field that values creativity, innovation, and originality, not talking like the others may benefit you.

Insights from Magic Words by Jonah Berger

Specific words have enormous power:

• There’s one word that will double your chances of banishing a bad habit.
• Another word will calm your nerves before a big performance or difficult conversation.
• And a category of words will get people to do the right thing.

Let’s find out what those words are.

Words that influence oneself

“I don’t”

In 2010, two consumer psychologists set out to test how well this four-letter word enhanced dieters’ ability to resist a delicious chocolate bar. At the start of their experiment, they told half of the participants to think “I can’t” when tempted by comfort food (e.g.: “I can’t eat chocolate cake.”). They instructed the other half of the participants to use “I don’t” self-talk (e.g.: “I don’t eat chocolate cake.”). Saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” seems like a minor substitution, but after each participant completed a survey, they were offered a chocolate bar on their way out of the building and twice as many “I don’t” participants turned down the chocolate bar than the “I can’t” participants.

Saying “I can’t” can make it feel like outside forces are controlling you – “I can’t go out tonight because my wife will get mad at me,” or “I can’t have that cheeseburger because my doctor wants me to avoid fast food.” But saying “I don’t” moves the locus of control inward and heightens your feeling of autonomy.

Leverage the power of “I don’t” by reflecting on three things you did yesterday that you want to change. Then, write out and repeat three “I don’t” statements using the magic words “because” and “choose to.” For example: “I don’t make excuses and skip workouts because I choose to prioritize my health and well-being.” Adding “because” and providing a reason, even a trivial one, is proven to make a directive more persuasive and less prone to resistance. Adding “choose to” further enhances your sense of autonomy.

“You”

Sometime this week, you will encounter a nerve-wracking situation – an important meeting, presentation, or difficult conversation. If you’re like most people, your self-talk will use the first-person pronoun “I” or “my” – “I’m nervous…” or “I don’t know if I can do this…” or “My heart is racing.” Such self-talk usually intensifies your nerves. But replace your “I” or “my” self-talk words with “You” (“You prepared for this”), your name (“Nathan, this is what you trained for”), or your nickname (“Nate, take a breath”), and you’ll start feeling confident.

In a 2014 University of Michigan study, participants were told to deliver a speech about their qualifications for a new job to a large group of evaluators with five minutes of preparation. Those told to include “you” or their name in their self-talk significantly reduced their stress hormone cortisol, felt more confident, and performed better than the control group.

Words that influence others

“Could”

Someone around you is probably struggling with a challenge and wondering what they should do next. You can end their suffering and help them find a way forward by asking a good “could” question. If a friend is stuck in a dissatisfying job, say, “I know your job sucks, but what small thing could you do to improve your work life?” Your “could” question may get them to consider a request to their boss, like asking if they could come in early and have an extra hour at lunchtime to go to the gym.

“Could” questions get people to stop focusing on their problem and focus on possible solutions. They make people more curious and creative. Asking a form of, “What small action could you take?” is something great coaches do to help others generate possible solutions because great coaches know that people are more likely to act on their own ideas than ideas from others.

Action words > Identity words

When people don’t do what you expect them to do, when your child doesn’t clean their room, or your employee misses a deadline – don’t tell them what they should do; give them an identity worth striving for. Rather than instructing your child to pick up their toys, encourage them to “be a good helper.” A study at a California preschool revealed that this subtle shift in language boosted helping behavior by nearly a third. Instead of lecturing an employee to do their work on time, ask them if they want to “be a top performer.”

Turning action words into identity words (verbs into nouns) is effective because we all strive to uphold positive self-images and avoid labels that make us look bad. One study found that when election campaigns talked about “being a voter,” instead of simply asking people to vote, they increased voter turnout by 15%. Another study found that students who heard, “Don’t be a cheater” cheated half as much as students who received the words, “Don’t cheat.”

“Words have an amazing impact, and by understanding when, why, and how they work, we can use them to increase ours.” – Jonah Berger

Summary

The right word choice can get people to take action, change their minds, or invest in your idea. There are six linguistic strategies we discussed in this summary.

One, use words that activate a sense of identity – nouns instead of verbs, for instance. Two, speak with confidence – ditch the hedges and filler words. Three, ask good questions – no one will fault you for it! Four, know when to be concrete to signal that you’re listening – and when to get abstract to sell a big idea. Five, use emotional language to capture people’s attention. And finally, know when to blend in with your language – and when to use it to differentiate yourself.

You’ll be surprised what you can accomplish with these simple linguistic magic tricks.

About the author

Jonah Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the internationally bestselling author of Contagious, Invisible Influence, and The Catalyst. He’s a world-renowned expert on natural language processing, change, social influence, word of mouth, and why products, services, and ideas catch on. Berger has published more than seventy papers in top-tier academic journals; and popular accounts of his work often appear in publications like the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Harvard Business Review. He frequently consults for companies like Google, Apple, Nike, and the Gates Foundation, helping them leverage language, drive change, and get their stuff to catch on. He’s been named one of Fast Company’s most creative people in business and millions of copies of his books are in print in dozens of languages around the world.

Genres

Psychology, Communication Skills, Career Success, Nonfiction, Business, Writing, Language, Leadership, Self Help, Social, Linguistics, Relationships, Social Interactions in Relationships, Motivational

Review

The book is about the power of language and how we can use it more effectively to influence others, achieve our goals, and improve our lives. The author, Jonah Berger, is a marketing professor and bestselling author who has spent over 15 years studying how words shape perceptions, trigger emotions, and drive action in various contexts. He reveals the science behind how words work and provides practical techniques to craft compelling messages, establish trust, and inspire action through effective communication.

The book is divided into six chapters, each focusing on a type of magic words that can help us in different situations. These are:

• Words that activate identity and agency: These are words that suggest who we are, what we can do, and how we can make a difference. They can help us persuade others by appealing to their values, beliefs, and goals. They can also help us achieve our own goals by strengthening our commitment and motivation. Examples of these words are nouns (e.g., “voter” vs. “vote”), no (e.g., “I don’t” vs. “I can’t”), and because (e.g., “Can you do me a favor because I need your help?” vs. “Can you do me a favor?”).
• Words that convey confidence: These are words that show how certain we are about what we say and how credible we are as a source of information. They can help us establish authority, credibility, and trust with our audience. They can also help us avoid sounding weak, uncertain, or defensive. Examples of these words are hedges (e.g., “maybe” vs. “definitely”), intensifiers (e.g., “very” vs. “extremely”), and evidentials (e.g., “I think” vs. “I know”).
• Words that ask the right questions: These are words that elicit information, feedback, or opinions from others. They can help us learn more about our audience, their needs, and their preferences. They can also help us engage them in a conversation, build rapport, and influence their decisions. Examples of these words are open-ended questions (e.g., “What do you think?” vs. “Do you agree?”), tag questions (e.g., “You like this product, don’t you?” vs. “Do you like this product?”), and rhetorical questions (e.g., “Who doesn’t love a good deal?” vs. “Do you love a good deal?”).
• Words that leverage concreteness: These are words that make our messages more vivid, memorable, and understandable. They can help us capture attention, increase recall, and facilitate comprehension. They can also help us persuade others by making our claims more believable, relatable, and actionable. Examples of these words are sensory words (e.g., “crunchy” vs. “hard”), numbers (e.g., “10%” vs. “a lot”), and stories (e.g., “Let me tell you about a customer who…” vs. “Customers love this product because…”).
• Words that employ emotion: These are words that evoke feelings in ourselves and others. They can help us connect with our audience on an emotional level, influence their mood, and motivate them to act. They can also help us express ourselves better, cope with stress, and regulate our emotions. Examples of these words are positive words (e.g., “happy” vs. “not sad”), negative words (e.g., “terrible” vs. “not good”), and emotional labels (e.g., “I feel angry” vs. “I feel bad”).
• Words that harness similarity (and difference): These are words that highlight how similar or different we are from others. They can help us create a sense of belonging, identity, and loyalty with our audience. They can also help us differentiate ourselves from the competition, appeal to different segments, and persuade others to change their behavior. Examples of these words are pronouns (e.g., “we” vs. “they”), names (e.g., using someone’s name vs. not), and contrast words (e.g., “but” vs. “and”).

I found the book to be very informative, engaging, and practical. The author does a great job of explaining the science behind how words work and providing examples from various domains such as business, sales, leadership, education, health, and personal relationships. He also offers tips on how to apply the magic words in different situations and scenarios.

The book is well-written, easy to read, and organized in a logical way. Each chapter starts with an introduction that sets the context and outlines the main points. Then it goes into more detail on each type of magic words, explaining why they work, how to use them effectively, and what to avoid doing wrong. The chapters end with a summary that recaps the key takeaways and provides some exercises to practice the magic words. The book also includes a glossary of terms, a list of references, and an index for easy reference.

The book is suitable for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills, increase their influence, and achieve better outcomes in any area of life. Whether you want to persuade a client, motivate a team, or get a whole organization to see things differently, this book will show you how to leverage the power of magic words. I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in learning more about the science and art of language.