Naming What You Feel and Knowing What to Do About It. In Untangle Your Emotions, Jennie Allen offers a groundbreaking approach to navigating the complexities of our emotional landscape. This powerful book provides readers with the tools and insights needed to achieve emotional clarity and experience a profound transformation in their lives.
Dive into this comprehensive summary and review to uncover the key takeaways from Untangle Your Emotions and learn how to embark on your own journey towards emotional freedom.
Table of Contents
Genres
Psychology, Mindfulness, Happiness, Personal Development, Self-Help, Emotions, Christian Living, Spirituality, Mental Health, Relationships, Healing
Untangle Your Emotions is a transformative guide that empowers readers to navigate their emotional landscape with greater clarity and understanding. Jennie Allen, drawing from her own experiences and biblical wisdom, provides practical strategies and insights to help individuals identify, process, and manage their emotions in a healthy manner.
The book explores the interconnectedness of thoughts, feelings, and actions, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Allen guides readers through the process of recognizing and addressing the root causes of their emotional struggles, offering tools for breaking free from negative patterns and cultivating a deeper sense of peace and purpose.
Through relatable anecdotes, biblical references, and practical exercises, Untangle Your Emotions equips readers with the knowledge and skills necessary to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and emotional stability.
Review
Jennie Allen’s Untangle Your Emotions is a powerful and transformative book that offers a fresh perspective on emotional well-being. Allen’s writing is both insightful and accessible, making complex emotional concepts easy to grasp and apply.
The book’s strength lies in its ability to bridge the gap between biblical wisdom and modern psychological principles, creating a holistic approach to emotional healing. Allen’s vulnerability and authenticity shine through as she shares her own struggles and triumphs, fostering a sense of connection and relatability with readers.
The practical exercises and reflection questions throughout the book provide actionable steps for readers to implement the teachings in their own lives. While the book is rooted in Christian principles, its universal truths and practical strategies make it valuable for anyone seeking emotional growth and healing.
Untangle Your Emotions is a must-read for those looking to cultivate a deeper understanding of their emotions, break free from negative patterns, and experience a renewed sense of emotional freedom and resilience.
Introduction: Connect to God by building emotional awareness
Untangle Your Emotions (2024) is a spiritual guide to understanding and managing your feelings. Rather than something to be fixed, it views emotions as an avenue for deeper connection with God and the people around you. Drawing on scientific research and biblical wisdom, it guides you on your path to emotional maturity as a divinely created being.
In today’s achievement-obsessed world, emotions often feel like an inconvenience that’s best ignored or overcome.
But there’s another way. Drawing on Scripture and science, this Blink makes the case for leaning into our feelings as a pathway to freedom and connection. Debunking the myth that faithful Christians should transcend emotions, it instead reveals how God whispers to us through our feelings, binding us to what matters most.
This Blink sheds a light on how to transform your relationship with your emotions. It provides practical steps for noticing, naming, feeling, and sharing, so that you can unravel your inner knots and deepen your connections. It’s a journey towards embracing your emotions and allowing them to nourish your bonds with God, others, and yourself, so that you can live wholeheartedly.
All tangled up
Have you ever been overwhelmed by a sudden emotion? Or do you often feel numb? Or perhaps you struggle to control your anger or anxiety. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Many people get tangled in knots when it comes to understanding and managing their feelings. They either avoid emotions entirely or let them spiral out of control. Or they move swiftly to solve or “fix” difficult emotions in themselves and others.
But in rushing past feelings, you miss a chance to understand them. And those tangled up feelings have a pesky way of resurfacing unexpectedly. That’s why sometimes, one off-handed comment from a relative can send you spiraling into depression.
The truth is, feelings serve a purpose. They connect you to God, others, and yourself. Through studying Scripture and science, it becomes clear that feelings can’t be “fixed” – they’re meant to be felt. Only then can you live deeply. In fact, when we deny our pain and the many emotions that come with it, we diminish our very humanity.
The good news? Emotional health is possible. By holding feelings up to the light of Christ, those inner knots can be loosened. Then, you’ll experience the freedom to feel, heal, and connect authentically. Rather than being numb or overwhelmed, you’ll feel whole again.
So, let’s start untangling your emotions. In the next sections, you’ll learn to slow down, name each of your emotions, and understand what to do next. This can help you both manage overwhelming emotions and access the ones you’ve buried or suppressed.
Right now, your feelings may seem an unsolvable mess. But through God’s power and biblical truth, you can learn to order and understand them. Your head and heart can become integrated, so you can feel fully alive. It’s a journey towards emotional health that anyone can take – let’s get started!
Understanding your emotions
Have you ever heard phrases like “suck it up” or “don’t make a scene” when you experienced intense emotions?
Being told to ignore or suppress emotions is common. From childhood, many people receive subtle and not-so-subtle signals that feelings should be controlled, hidden, or overcome. Popular culture and even churches may treat emotions as irrational, unreliable, and dangerous.
But feelings are central to human experience and relationships. God created us as emotional beings. Think about it – how dull would life be without laughing with your friends or crying at your child’s graduation? The price of eliminating fear, anger, sadness, and stress would be losing their balancing counterparts too.
Scripture shows God Himself expressing the full range of emotions, from anger to elation. If the Creator feels deeply, then feelings can’t be unspiritual or sinful in themselves. So, it’s time to start viewing emotions not as burdens, but as gifts meant to connect us with self, others, and God.
Emotions themselves are not the problem. The problem arises when emotions overtake reason and will. Just as sex or money aren’t evil but can tempt you to sin, feelings have the potential for both good and ill.
Letting your feelings totally rule you will spell disaster. When emotion overrides conscience and reason, selfishness takes over. Simply “following your heart” justifies any behavior that feels good in the moment.
But suppressing feelings fails just as much. Shoving things down often worsens your eventual emotional explosions. Numbing yourself may provide short-term relief but impoverishes life and relationships in the long term.
A better model combines emotional presence with self-control. Picture your feelings as the current of a river, kept in bounds by your ability to reason. You are the captain who must wisely steer their boat through the currents.
With practice, you can learn to smoothly navigate the ups and downs of your emotions. You just need to remind yourself that even negative emotions have a purpose, revealing where healing is still needed and nudging you back to rely on God during stressful times. If you can accept all feelings as teachers rather than disruptors, they can nourish your faith and your relationships.
Untangling the mess
When difficult emotions well up inside of us, like sadness, anger or anxiety, it’s tempting to shut them down. We may cope by numbing ourselves with diversions, like binge-watching TV shows. Or we try to take control, handling situations in rigid ways that quash how we really feel. But this leaves us disconnected from our feelings, and ultimately burned out and just going through the motions.
God gave you emotions to connect you with Himself, your own heart, and others. So, how do you start feeling in the way that He intended?
The first step is learning to notice your emotions and understanding why you feel them. For instance, when strong emotions surface after a fight with a loved one, pay attention to your inner landscape and what you’re feeling.
Name the emotions you identify as specifically as possible. For example, say “I feel angry” or “I feel betrayed and unseen” rather than swatting your feelings away with a general statement such as “I’m just stressed”.
Next, accept each emotion fully. If you’re alone before God, don’t be afraid to fully express your emotions. Pray honestly about what you’re feeling and cry if you need to. This will draw you closer to God. Among trusted family and friends, it’s also totally fine to show the full extent of how you feel – as long as you don’t direct your feelings at someone in a vengeful way. Your close circle can even help regulate overwhelming emotions.
Know that it’s always okay to seek outside help when emotions become too much. When author Jennie Allen’s husband struggled with depression, counseling, medication, and a safe community helped him understand and cope with his situation.
Find people who will listen without judgment, empathize with “I feel” statements rather than criticism, and stand by you in hard times. For example, hearing a friend say “I feel sad you’re so upset” can help you feel safe, seen, and comforted.
Even difficult emotions, like grief or anger, will connect us to God and others if we’re willing to share them. After Jennie Allen spoke honestly about her sadness over her daughter moving out of the family home, it opened up a conversation between them that ultimately deepened their relationship.
So keep noticing, naming, accepting, and expressing emotions in front of God and safe people. Seek help when needed and find a supportive community. Navigated in this way, the river of your emotions will carry you closer to God.
Connecting with your inner world
Do you ever feel like you’re just going through the motions, disconnected from what’s really happening inside you? Many of us have lost touch with our emotional landscape. We reflexively say we’re fine when asked how we’re doing, even if it’s not true. But we can’t live wholeheartedly if we aren’t connected to our feelings.
That’s why naming your emotions matters. Research shows that people with high “emotional granularity” – meaning the ability to distinguish nuances between feelings – have better health and relationships. But if you’ve gotten into the habit of numbing and suppressing your emotions, naming them is easier said than done.
Where do you start then?
Reacquaint yourself with different emotions. Four primary emotions form the foundation of our inner landscapes: joy, anger, sadness, and fear. Joy manifests as delight, contentment, and jubilation. Anger simmers as irritation, frustration or outrage. Sadness wells up as disappointment, grief, and despair. And fear instills us with worry, angst, and panic. Identify which primary emotions you’re experiencing, then dig deeper to discover more specific shades.
For example, feeling irritated by your child’s behavior could hide your sadness over them growing up too quickly. If anger frequently erupts with a friend, perhaps an underlying fear of conflict poisons your interactions.
Identifying your emotions in this way takes practice. Throughout your day, get into the habit of pausing and giving voice to your feelings. Declare aloud or silently how you’re feeling, using crisp, accurate words. You might say, “Right now I’m feeling optimistic” or “I’m sensing some loneliness”. Capture nuances when possible, such as “I’m feeling frustrated yet patient”.
Pay extra attention during times of transition or intensity. When you’re exhausted or exhilarated, your deepest desires and pains may well up. If you feel too vulnerable to face your inner world directly and honestly – which is the case for many people – start small with short check-ins. Over time, naming emotions precisely will become second nature. And the benefits of your emotional awareness will be priceless.
The path to wholehearted living
Emotions can seem like threads in a sweater. If you pull one loose thread, the whole thing unravels. That’s how some people see dealing with difficult emotions – like picking at a thread that could undo them. But there’s a healthier perspective: those tangled emotions are more like a knotted rope around your neck, and the only way forward is to patiently untie the knots.
One good clue is to pay attention to your body. Remember that emotions don’t just show up in your mind; you experience them in your body too. Tight shoulders or nausea, for instance, can be a sign of anger or anxiety. Check in with yourself by asking open-ended questions like, “How does my body feel right now?”
The reverse is also true – your physical health affects how you feel. If you feel out of balance emotionally, a medical checkup might reveal underlying issues, such as hormonal dysfunctions. Simple health changes like curbing screen time, adding exercise, staying hydrated, and improving your diet have proven emotional benefits.
Beyond the physical, we need each other too. Another key factor in regulating your emotions is community. Sharing feelings openly is difficult, but trusted family members, friends, and professionals can help you unravel your emotional knots over time.
Researcher and physician Dr. Gabor Maté found that expressing emotions in a healthy way reduces stress. Sharing feelings with trusted companions forges neural pathways in the brain, literally allowing past wounds to heal. Conversely, unprocessed emotions might control your choices, relationships, and overall well-being. Like an ignored riptide, suppressed feelings can unexpectedly pull you under.
Start small by sharing your feelings with close friends. For those new to navigating emotions, simple statements like “I feel happy” or “I feel overwhelmed” are a good place to begin. Write down your feelings each week, then discuss them with friends, inviting them to share their feelings too. When responding to others, do so by offering empathy rather than quick fixes. Saying “I feel sad with you” shows that you care, without overwhelming the other person.
For more serious issues, therapy and counseling create space to safely explore the roots of your distress. Ask yourself what the tangled knots in your own soul need. Then ask God for wisdom, prayerfully evaluating the next steps with a trusted community. Counseling, lifestyle changes, or simply resting in grief may be in order.
As you learn to experience and share your feelings fully instead of stuffing them down, two incredible gifts emerge: freedom and connection. Freedom arrives when you stop exhausting yourself by trying to control or conceal what you feel. And shared emotional intimacy deepens your connection to others.
This process of learning to share won’t be easy or quick, so stick with it and ask for God’s help along the way. Think of emotions more like a zip line than knots. Knotted emotions make life feel stuck, but freedom brings the exhilaration of soaring unfettered. Facing feelings clears the path to a wholehearted life that’s marked by vulnerability, hope, and the capacity to build others up. With committed practice, you can open up that path bit by bit and take flight.
So don’t let hard feelings weigh on your spirit. Take small steps, starting with the physical. Lean on your community next, then seek counseling if needed. God designed you as an emotional being, so learning to guide your inner life with care and wisdom is key to your personal flourishing. As you lay your emotions honestly before God, He will replace exhaustion and anxiety with peace and strength. And little by little, what once tangled you up inside can connect you to yourself, others, and your Creator more profoundly than you ever dreamed. The freedom to feel awaits.
Conclusion
Emotions intimately connect us to ourselves, others, and God. Thus, allowing ourselves to experience them fully can be a pathway to greater connection. For those who are numb or overwhelmed, a few simple steps can help identify and manage emotions. First, notice physical and emotional signals, and precisely name each feeling. Next, allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, sharing them with a trusted community. Leaning into painful feelings can forge neural pathways for healing and stress relief over time. Negative feelings themselves aren’t the problem but an opportunity to identify where we are and seek help. The reward for stewarding feelings well is profound: freedom from concealing inner turmoil, and deeper connection to what matters most.
Jennie Allen is a bestselling author of self-help guides such as Find Your People and Get Out of Your Head. She’s also the founder and visionary of IF:Gathering, an organization helping women strengthen their connections to God. Allen has a Masters in Biblical Studies from Dallas Theological Seminary and lives in Dallas with her husband and four children.