Dr Jessamy Hibberd’s “The Imposter Cure” to Escape the mind-trap of imposter syndrome

“The Imposter Cure” by Dr. Jessamy Hibberd is a powerful toolkit for those battling imposter syndrome. This eye-opening book offers practical strategies to overcome self-doubt and embrace your authentic self. Dr. Hibberd’s expertise shines through as she unravels the complexities of this common psychological phenomenon.

Ready to break free from imposter syndrome? Dive into this review and discover how Dr. Hibberd’s insights can revolutionize your self-perception.

Genres

Self-help, Psychology, Personal Development, Career Advice, Mental Health, Confidence Building, Professional Growth, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Motivational, Inspirational, Affirmations, Inspiration, Success, Self-Esteem, Business, Education, Happiness

Dr. Jessamy Hibberd’s “The Imposter Cure” delves into the heart of imposter syndrome, a pervasive issue affecting countless individuals across various professions. The book is structured into three main parts: understanding imposter syndrome, its impact, and practical strategies for overcoming it.

Hibberd begins by demystifying imposter syndrome, explaining its origins and the common thought patterns associated with it. She emphasizes that this phenomenon is not a reflection of actual incompetence but rather a distorted self-perception.

The second part explores how imposter syndrome manifests in different aspects of life, from career choices to personal relationships. Hibberd illustrates these points with relatable anecdotes and case studies.

The final section forms the core of the “cure,” offering a range of cognitive and behavioral techniques to combat imposter feelings. These include challenging negative self-talk, reframing failures as learning opportunities, and developing a more realistic self-assessment.

Throughout the book, Hibberd provides exercises and reflection prompts, encouraging readers to apply the concepts to their own experiences. She also addresses the role of social media and societal pressures in exacerbating imposter feelings.

Review

“The Imposter Cure” stands out in the self-help genre for its blend of scientific rigor and accessibility. Dr. Hibberd’s background as a clinical psychologist lends credibility to her advice, while her warm, conversational tone makes complex psychological concepts digestible.

The book’s strengths lie in its practical approach. Rather than simply describing imposter syndrome, Hibberd equips readers with actionable strategies to overcome it. The inclusion of exercises and real-life examples helps readers personalize the information.

One particularly insightful aspect is Hibberd’s exploration of how imposter syndrome intersects with other issues like perfectionism and anxiety. This holistic view provides a more comprehensive understanding of the problem.

While the book offers valuable insights, some readers might find certain sections repetitive. Additionally, those seeking a quick fix might be challenged by the depth of self-reflection required.

Despite these minor drawbacks, “The Imposter Cure” is an invaluable resource for anyone grappling with self-doubt. It not only validates the reader’s experiences but also empowers them to take control of their narrative.

In conclusion, Dr. Hibberd’s work is a must-read for professionals, students, and anyone seeking to build genuine confidence. It’s not just about curing imposter syndrome; it’s about fostering a healthier, more authentic relationship with oneself.

Introduction: Stop feeling like a fraud and start being your best self.

The Imposter Cure (2019) provides strategies for increasing confidence, overcoming fears and doubts, and learning to see oneself through the eyes of others.

The driver, his heart pounding, slowed down as he entered the thick fog. It was both perplexing and perilous. The road was familiar, but the cabby had no idea what lay ahead. Everything was quiet – except in his mind. He felt compelled to continue, but all he wanted to do was pull over.

Suddenly, he yelped. He slammed on the brakes to avoid hitting the car in front. He released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and glanced back at his passenger.

“Wow,” she said, “you’re amazing! I thought we were gonna die!”

The driver shook his head and smiled. He was convinced it was just luck. As the fog lifted, he drove on, relief washing over him.

Imposter syndrome can be disorienting. Self-doubt can make it tough for someone with the syndrome to recognize their personal skills and accomplishments. So instead, they concentrate on their flaws and shortcomings.

This self-doubt can paralyze you and stop you from living life to its fullest. But like driving in fog, imposter syndrome is something you can learn to navigate.

In this summary to Jessamy Hibberd’s The Imposter Cure, we’ll look at the causes of imposter syndrome and discover coping strategies to beat it.

By building a body of evidence and keeping track of your progress, you’ll find your own imposter cure and learn how to overcome any obstacles to your future happiness.

So, let’s turn off the cruise control and head into unchartered territory.

There are five types of imposter.

Have you ever felt like you were a fraud? Maybe you’ve just got a job promotion and are worried you won’t live up to expectations. Perhaps you’re in college and finding it hard to keep up with your peers. Whatever your reason for feeling that way, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome occurs whenever your beliefs and expectations collide. For example, people with the syndrome feel shame when they don’t achieve their goals. This results in guilt, leading to self-doubt and poor performance. Research by Dr. Valerie Young – an expert on the syndrome and cofounder of the Imposter Syndrome Institute – shows that people with the syndrome present with one of five character traits.

Perfectionists have high standards. They’re filled with self-doubt when things aren’t perfect. They’re afraid of failure. But since perfection is impossible, these feelings create a never-ending cycle of hard work and dissatisfaction.

Natural geniuses focus on how and when things are done. They feel like fakes when they can’t do something right away. They learn new things quickly but lack perseverance.

Soloists believe a goal is only worth pursuing if they can achieve it alone. So they don’t ask for help – even when a project is going wrong. When they encounter troubles, they put things off so they don’t have to admit defeat.

Experts are knowledge perfectionists. They believe competence means knowing everything. They won’t consider a job if they don’t meet all the requirements. Experts worry about seeming inexperienced or uninformed.

Superwomen and Supermen have unreal expectations and, like perfectionists, they believe it’s all or nothing. They define competence as flawless performance in any role or situation.

Did you recognize yourself as belonging to one of these types? If so, you too may have imposter syndrome. While there’s no single “cure” for imposter syndrome, understanding how it manifests is an ideal place to start.

Recognize negative self-talk and its power will shrink.

Anything that suggests achievement or approval can cause imposter syndrome. Why is it, then, that some people experience unease in these situations while others don’t? Well, it depends on how you interpret your discomfort. When someone with imposter syndrome feels discomfort, they accept it as a sign of being a fake. They believe they’re not good enough or are unprepared for the challenge. But when someone with imposter syndrome succeeds, they feel that they must have tricked their way in – just like Poppy.

Poppy signed a book deal with her dream publisher. But then fear set in. What could she write? How many books would she sell? After all, unread books have no value. She misinterpreted her fear right from the start as it took hold of her. And it shifted her perspective. Every time she won, she moved the goalposts. Even when her first book was a success, she began the second book feeling exactly the same way.

Imposter syndrome isn’t always obvious. Emotions can distort your reasoning, causing you to ignore feelings that might suggest something else. Regardless of how many projects you complete successfully, your self-perception can remain flawed.

Recognizing your thoughts aren’t always right is a big step in overcoming imposter syndrome. Once you’re able to recognize that, you can start to call the rest of your negative beliefs into question. Don’t worry – it’s a lot easier than you think.

Grab a pen and paper or notebook, and make a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished, no matter how big or small. Then ask yourself what other people would think of a person who’d achieved all the things on your list. Use this as evidence that your theory of being an imposter is false. Then, when the next negative thought enters your mind, you’ll know it’s a feeling, not a fact. Keep your list up-to-date to identify and correct your confirmation bias. This technique will quickly help you dispel the false beliefs you have about yourself.

Overworking and avoidance are signs you’re an imposter.

People with imposter syndrome feel like they’re living a lie, so they devise ways to cope. These actions may help in the short term, but if you aren’t fake, these behaviors are part of the problem. That’s why imposters [people with imposter syndrome] should rethink their coping strategy and change how they see themselves. Secrets, overworking, avoidance, self-criticism, self-doubt, insecurity, perfectionism, and a fear of failing are all common ways to deal with stress. But in the long run, these stop you from improving your self-image. Accepting this allows you to make positive changes.

Picture William, a lawyer. He’s recently been promoted and has been given extra responsibilities. His workload is more than he expected and he soon realizes he’s not doing enough. His eczema flares up from the stress. Rather than admit the workload is the issue, he keeps quiet – after all, he can simply work more hours. And if he doesn’t? Well, he’s afraid a rival will replace him. Soon, William is working or sleeping at weekends, too, rather than relaxing or spending time with his family.

Whether he’s a superman or a soloist, William will have to learn to manage his tendencies – otherwise, he’ll be exploited. Work isn’t everything. He’ll also have to be determined, persistent, and eager to learn. If he isn’t, he’ll risk getting stuck in a never-ending cycle with no payoff. He should consider what he wants to achieve in life. And he also needs to rethink his definition of success. What kind of person does he want to be?

It’s important to check in with yourself every so often and see how you’re doing. Are your imposter coping mechanisms still working? Are you, like William, sacrificing your health or relationships for the sake of your job? What would it be like to have some boundaries?

In the next section, you’ll learn how and why you should be kinder to yourself.

Become your own cheerleader and relieve your pain.

Sometimes it’s hard to be your own cheerleader. Your inner voice can be harsh. Worse still, you might not even realize it. This kind of self-criticism can hold you back. To get past this, be kind to yourself and have faith in your abilities.

Think of a time when you had to do something difficult. Who was there to encourage you? Did they judge you when they noticed you were in trouble? Probably not. Similarly, the voice inside your head should be your biggest fan, not your harshest critic.

Of course, criticism can also be good. It can help you stay objective and find ways to improve. But if you’re constantly bashing yourself, it can fill you with fear and doubt. It can stem your motivation and kill your inspiration. That’s reason enough to stop beating yourself up. And just because you’re eliminating your self-criticism doesn’t mean you’ll get lazy. On the contrary, motivated people stay motivated when they’re kind to themselves.

Self-compassion means recognizing that you’re in pain and taking the steps to relieve it. It requires self-acceptance rather than striving to meet some unrealistic standard. Think about how negative talk makes you feel. Recognize that this voice isn’t helping and doesn’t reflect your abilities. So when you face difficulties, consider what a kind person might say. Use this approach to improve your self-storytelling.

You can also relieve your imposter syndrome by discussing it with others. When you express your emotions, you feel better about yourself. Not only that, chatting about the syndrome can help normalize and manage it. So, the next time these feelings crop up, reach out to someone you trust.

Remember, the imposter’s voice is that of your fears, not your own. To overcome negative thoughts, consider the evidence. What’s really going on? If you can’t challenge your thoughts, recognize them as an imposter’s voice. Even better, transform them into a silly voice and ignore them completely.

Pursuing perfection is a recipe for failure.

Matilda loved the theater. As a child, she’d sit in the front row of a play, enthralled. So when the opportunity to attend drama school arose, she jumped at it. She was taken aback by her classmates’ talent – everyone seemed better than her. With determination, she caught up. Her effort paid off and she landed the lead role in a show. Even so, she felt inferior. She was constantly comparing herself to others. As time went by, she couldn’t face the pressure.

So what went wrong? Well, Matilda was unaware that perfectionism is about overcoming feelings of inadequacy. It feeds you insecurities, which can lead to overwork or avoidance. Like any other habit, it promises to make you feel better. Yet, the more you strive for perfection, the less you enjoy the task. So instead, you work even harder and try to achieve more.

If you’re permanently aiming for perfection, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Nothing in life is perfect. So if you set your standards too high, you’ll never meet them. Perfectionism is self-defeating and impossible to achieve.

So, stop for a moment and consider why somebody might want to be perfect. Is it because we believe that perfectionists make better employees and parents? Perhaps we feel that those people who feel they’re doing “enough” are lazy? Whatever the reason, it’s time we moved on from that kind of thinking, it makes it impossible to see clearly what’s going on.

Your imposter voice may well tell you that dropping your perfectionism is crazy but consider the cost to your health. The more of a perfectionist you are, the more psychological stress you have in return. Is it worth risking your health to pursue something that can’t actually be achieved? Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, try focusing on a few key areas. Diligence is a much healthier path to success. Once you accept your limitations you’ll be able to enjoy your life.

Combat avoidance and overwork.

Time is one of our most valuable commodities, so we need to choose how we use it wisely. To live your life to the fullest, reconsider how much you try to cram into a week. Perhaps it’s time for you to stop overworking and start thinking about a more sustainable path. To start reclaiming your life, you need to reassess your situation and deal with overwork and avoidance. Only then can you start to enjoy life again.

Your first step is to make yourself your priority. Set boundaries and try not to always favor the needs of others over your own. Take breaks. Delegate. When you try to do everything yourself, you simply set yourself up for failure. Be honest and open about your workload. Keep requests and commitments to a minimum. And tell others if you think you have too much to do. Most importantly, practice saying no.

Don’t waste your time trying to do everything perfectly, either. Test this by submitting work when you think it’s 80 percent perfect – see what others say about it. And ditch the idea that making time for yourself suggests laziness. You don’t need to be productive 24-7. Taking some extra time for rest or pleasure may likely improve your performance. So put yourself first. You’ll be surprised at how much better you feel afterward.

When you let go of your need for perfection, everything improves. After all, learning to appreciate the good things that come your way is what life’s about. Finding things to be thankful for is easier when you slow down. If you want to live your life fully, you have to make time to enjoy it.

Summary

Combatting imposter syndrome means becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. While it may be tempting to avoid new experiences, try to embrace the unknown. Push yourself to grow. As a result, you’ll become more resilient and self-assured.

Look out for signs of perfectionism, self-doubt, self-criticism, avoidance, and overwork. Check to see if you’ve made necessary changes and if there’s anything else you need to work on.

Keep adding to your list of accomplishments. When you start thinking of yourself as successful, it’s easier to believe you can do even better. Whatever you define as success, ensure your goals aren’t luring you back into the mind trap of imposter syndrome. If they do, remember what you’re living for. Reread your notes and apply your unique “cure.” And be compassionate with yourself.

Finally, recognize there’s no such thing as perfection. So be patient and give yourself a chance to succeed and enjoy your life.

About the author

Dr Jessamy Hibberd (BSc, MSc, DClinPsy, PgDip) is a highly respected chartered clinical psychologist, author and commentator. She has 14 years’ experience working in mental health (within the NHS and in her own practice), and is passionate about psychology and the benefits it can bring.

Table of Contents

You are not a fraud 6
Introduction: You are not alone 8

Part I Understanding Imposter Syndrome
Chapter 1 What is imposter syndrome? 28
Chapter 2 The survival strategy of self-doubt 46
Chapter 3 Why me? 59
Chapter 4 Why don’t we just update the belief? 73
Chapter 5 The imposter twins: overworking and avoidance 89

Part II Why You Are Not An Imposter
Chapter 6 Testing out the theory 108
Chapter 7 Compassion: the antidote to self-criticism 122
Chapter 8 Insecurity and self-doubt 139
Chapter 9 The pressure to be perfect 153
Chapter 10 The f-word 167
Chapter 11 The myth of lucky and other stories 183

Part III How To Say Goodbye to the 1Mposter for Good!
Chapter 12 Reclaiming your life: beating overwork and avoidance 200
Chapter 13 Adjusting your standards 215
Chapter 14 Boosting your mood 228
Chapter 15 Becoming comfortable with yourself 244

Conclusion: Moving forward with confidence 259
Endnote 267
Notes 270
References, resources and further reading 276
Index 282
Acknowledgements 287
About the Author 288