How Can You Find Stability When Everything Is Changing Around You?

Why Is Rugged Flexibility the Key to Surviving Life’s Biggest Disruptions?

Stop fighting reality and start thriving. This review of Master of Change by Brad Stulberg explains how “rugged flexibility” and allostasis help you navigate life’s disorder without burning out. Learn the 4Ps of self-efficacy and align your expectations with reality to maintain excellence during difficult transitions.

Ready to build a mindset that withstands any storm? Read the full breakdown below to learn how to apply the 4Ps of self-efficacy and use your core values to turn anxiety into strength.

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How do you respond to change? All too often, people respond poorly — trying to resist it or yearning for a return to the old status quo. In an age of nonstop evolution, you need a different strategy, writer and coach Brad Stulberg argues. People must develop a “rugged flexibility” if they want to thrive in the face of change. Stulberg outlines how to build the ability to adapt to change into your mindset, identity, and behavior. When you understand how to accept and manage change without being overwhelmed by it, he writes, you push yourself toward sustained excellence.

Take-Aways

• To thrive amid change, embrace “rugged flexibility.”
• Be “open to the flow of life” by defining yourself by what you do and accepting unpleasantness.
• Alter your expectations to better align with reality.
• Develop a fluid sense of self.
• Practice your core values.
• Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting instinctively.
• Don’t attempt to derive immediate meaning from every painful experience.

Summary

To thrive amid change, embrace “rugged flexibility.”

Change is a constant. Be it war, recession, social upheaval, political unrest, environmental catastrophes, or the effects of emerging technologies, dramatic disruptions constantly afflict the world. On an individual level, “disorder events,” such as the birth of a child, the death of a loved one, marriage, promotion, getting divorced, serious illness, and so on, disrupt life intermittently. Research shows that people undergo an average of 36 disorder events during their adult lives — or roughly once every 18 months. So while many people view periods of change as exceptions to the rule, change is, in fact, the rule.

“Look closely and you’ll see that everything is always changing, including us. Life is flux.”

People tend to respond to change in one of four ways: refusing to admit change is occurring, choosing to resist change, renouncing their agency, or trying to return to the pre-change status quo. These four responses stem from a misguided sense that life follows an X to Y to X pattern, known as “homeostasis”; that is, when something occurs to disrupt the status quo, living systems do all they can to return to that starting point as quickly as possible. While homeostasis is a useful model for understanding, say, how a body returns to its baseline temperature after fighting off a fever, it’s not an ideal framework for comprehending the vast majority of changes people encounter or how most “healthy systems” respond to change.

“Allostasis” is a far better way of understanding change. Unlike the homeostasis model, allostasis posits that, once disrupted, systems do not return to their former state. Rather, they achieve new stability by successfully adapting to the change; that is, they move from X to Y to Z. For instance, when you begin lifting weights, your hands grow calluses to protect your skin, which allows you to continue your strength-building journey. If you experience heartbreak, though the pain may pass with time, your understanding of relationships will likely transform.

When you recognize that transformation, not stasis, is the norm, change becomes something to manage rather than a source of fear. Practicing “rugged flexibility” — a blend of toughness, determination, durability, responsiveness, adaptability, and malleability — helps you succeed in that endeavor. Rugged flexibility starts with admitting you can’t return to the old status quo. However, by tweaking your mindset, identity, and actions to help you adapt and grow, you can learn to persevere through change and emerge stronger from the experience. ​

Be “open to the flow of life” by defining yourself by what you do and accepting unpleasantness.

Resisting change might feel comfortable in the short term, but it ultimately strips life of depth, excellence, and vitality. Studies have found that denying change releases cortisol, a stress hormone, which increases the likelihood of inflammation, insomnia, metabolic issues, and other physical and psychological ailments. On a social level, resistance to change gives rise to demagogues and authoritarian figures, as people who fear change hand power to those who falsely claim they’ll bring back the old status quo. Mitigating resistance to change starts by fully accepting it and being open to the flow of life.

“Without change, our existence would become tedious and boring. If we are to live meaningful lives, change is simply part of the deal.”

Although accepting change is rarely easy, two mindset shifts can help. First, as polymath Erich Fromm advised, adopt a “being” orientation. In contrast to a “having” orientation, focused on what you own, a being orientation grounds your identity in your core values and essence: what you do, not what you have. While a having orientation makes you fearful of change — because you can always lose what you have — a being orientation helps you remain open to change because you know it does not threaten your core self.

Second, tap into what Harvard behavioral scientist Daniel Gilbert called the “inescapability trigger.” When a situation looks bleak, accept it fully. The less energy you dedicate toward hoping to escape, the more energy you’ll have to strategize how to move forward within your new reality.

Alter your expectations to better align with reality.

Denmark consistently ranks higher than all other Western countries in terms of happiness and life satisfaction due to Danes’ cultural tendency toward low expectations. When you have low expectations, reality can more easily match or surpass those expectations, leading you to feel happier and better satisfied. The opposite is also true: Excessively high expectations often lead to disappointment.

“Suffering equals pain times resistance; the more you can shed your resistance, the exponentially better you’ll feel and do.”

The more your expectations of what will happen converge with reality, the less energy you burn and the better you feel. Conversely, the more your expectations diverge from reality, the larger your suffering grows. Thus, realistic expectations improve life satisfaction and help you adapt to change. An expectation of change — or accepting allostasis — is essential for setting realistic expectations. If you assume that change will occur, you’ll suffer less during transition periods.

In addition to lowering your expectations to align them with reality, cultivate a sense of “tragic optimism.” This term, coined by psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, means to expect the worst but hope for the best. Acknowledge that life is full of pain and adversity but that moving forward with grace and determination is the only reasonable response. The less you resist the possibility of pain, the less suffering you’ll feel. Focus on what lies within your control and how you can do your best to persevere.

Develop a fluid sense of self.

Like water, a fluid sense of self can change its outward shape while maintaining its underlying form. Think of it as the ego loosening its grip on any single source of identity and broadening its scope. Research shows that when you tie your identity to a single pursuit — such as, say, a quest to become a world champion in your field — you’re more likely to suffer anxiety, depression, and burnout, especially when moments of change shake that identity. Thus, you should diversify the sources of meaning in your life.

A fluid sense of self is “non-dual.” Instead of thinking in terms of one identity or another, it embraces and unites all sides of the self — the “independent and interdependent,” “differentiated and integrated,” “separate and connected,” and “conventional and ultimate.” For example, Western cultures value individual uniqueness, freedom from environmental constraints, singular focus, and the ability to influence others. Eastern cultures, on the other hand, value interdependence — a sense of self that’s relational, adapted to circumstances, focused on the larger context, and rooted in traditions. Both approaches to selfhood have benefits, so adopt the most advantageous one for your circumstances.

“By conceiving of ourselves in a fluid manner, change, be it internal or external, becomes less threatening; our identities become more rugged and flexible and thus better able to endure and persist over the long haul, including throughout countless cycles of order, disorder, and reorder.”

Develop your non-dual self by exploring your identity and skills broadly, and then home in to exploit a particular aspect. Doing so cultivates an ego that’s both rugged and flexible and, thus, better able to endure cycles of change.

Practice your core values.

Your core values — that is, your most deeply held beliefs and principles — are guides that can help you navigate your way through change. These values could include authenticity, creativity, and trustworthiness, among others. Your values create a rugged and flexible boundary between you and your environment, ensuring you adapt to change without changing yourself so dramatically that you no longer recognize who you’ve become. Even if your core values change over time — which occasionally happens — the best way to discover your new core values is to live according to your current ones. Finding the right balance is the secret to success: Too much ruggedness leads to rigidity, while too much flexibility leads to instability. When balanced, however, your core values create a “supple strength” that allows you or your organization to thrive in the long term.

Consider The New York Times: Though newspaper readership declined 66% between 2000 and 2022, the Times managed to grow its paid subscriber base from 1.2 million to more than 10 million during the same period. The newspaper’s success hinged, in large part, on the decision to maintain its core values of independence, integrity, and curiosity while remaining flexible enough to experiment with podcasts, cooking apps, different subscription tiers, and more.

“For all the things in life that you cannot control, there is at least one that you can: your core values.”

To find the balance between rugged and tough that works best for you, identify three to five core values. Define them concisely and practice them daily — especially during times of uncertainty. As hundreds of psychological studies show, reflecting on your core values makes change feel less threatening. Furthermore, during moments of dramatic change, a brief window opens up to create a new normal before old habits reestablish themselves. During those moments, deferring to values-driven actions can help people shape a more positive future for themselves, their communities, their organizations and their societies.

Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting instinctively.

Separate what you can control from what you can’t, and focus on the former. Also, be wary of fixating on a single path, which can lead to poor results. For example, mountain climbers with “summit fever” get so obsessed with reaching the summit that they ignore weather changes, leading to dangerous descents. To overcome “target fixation,” turn to the Japanese martial art aikido, which incorporates a quality called zanshin, or “continuing awareness that prepares you for your next action.” Broaden your focus to include the larger context surrounding your goal.

“The more you engage in certain patterns of thinking, feeling and acting, the stronger those patterns become.”

Respond thoughtfully to change rather than allowing knee-jerk reactions to guide your next steps. When you react, you either “panic” or “pummel ahead.” Responding requires more energy, but it manifests a confidence that you can handle uncertainty, and that confidence becomes a reality as you deftly navigate change. To start responding, use the 4Ps of self-efficacy during tumultuous times:

1. “Pause” — Identify your feelings to understand the situation better. This technique quiets the fear response and makes you feel more at ease.
2. “Process” — Use self-distancing techniques to process what’s happening. Imagine how an older, wiser version of yourself or a friend or colleague might view the same situation.
3. “Plan” — Consider which possible responses best align with your core values.
4. “Proceed” — Start by taking small steps, adjusting your trajectory as needed.

Pay attention to the media you consume as you practice responding instead of reacting. Prioritize media such as books and long articles over media aimed at generating immediate reactions, such as social media and cable news.

The more you respond, rather than react, to situations, the more you cultivate self-efficacy. As your confidence blossoms, change becomes less of a threat because you have a proven record of taking deliberate action.

Don’t attempt to derive immediate meaning from every painful experience.

Sometimes, change — such as experiences of loss, grief, anxiety, and addiction — is downright unpleasant and doesn’t offer any immediate teachable lessons. Trying to derive a more profound meaning from a disruptive experience too early on is not only counterproductive but actively harmful. It prolongs your suffering by forcing you to contend with the unpleasant situation alongside your inability to extract meaning from it.

Allow growth or meaning to unfold in its own time. Just as it takes a while for your biological immune system to fight off disease, your psychological immune system needs time to process a big change.

“For each period of disorder we experience, we get a little better at navigating future ones.”

Although you can’t force growth to happen, you can do the following:

• Be humble and learn to surrender — Let go of the need to fix everything and to force premature growth.
• Ask for help — Focus on building community and nurturing healthy relationships. Consider that towering 200-foot-tall redwood trees have shallow roots that descend only 6 to 12 feet below ground. Most of the trees’ strength comes from the roots of neighboring trees wrapping around their roots.
• Practice voluntary simplicity — Declutter and simplify your life — socially, physically, and psychologically. Discover what matters most to you, and subtract the rest. Use daily routines to automate actions and establish rituals, such as a weekly bike ride, to provide structure amid change. Both actions will help you move forward when willpower and motivation are in short supply.
• Distinguish between “real fatigue” and “fake fatigue” — When your mind and body are exhausted (real fatigue), you need to rest, lest you suffer burnout. But you must motivate yourself to act if you feel exhausted because your life is in a rut (fake fatigue).
• Turn suffering into compassion — Repeat the mantra, “This is what is happening right now; I’m doing the best I can.” If you truly are doing your best, great. If not, permit yourself to change.
• Continue to practice — The more cycles of order, disorder, and reorder you go through, the easier they become. Although too much change can be debilitating, too little is unsatisfying. In a psychological study of 2,000 adults, researchers found that a medium level of adversity is best. It leads to higher functioning and life satisfaction.

About the Author

Brad Stulberg is a bestselling author who coaches executives, athletes, and entrepreneurs on health, well-being, and sustainable excellence. He also wrote The Practice of Groundedness.