How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head – and How to Get It Out. In “Take Back Your Brain,” Kara Loewentheil boldly confronts the pervasive sexist conditioning that infiltrates our minds and offers transformative strategies to reclaim our mental freedom. This groundbreaking book is a must-read for anyone seeking to break free from society’s limiting gender norms and embrace their true potential.
Discover how to liberate your mind from the shackles of sexist conditioning and unleash your authentic self. Keep reading to explore the eye-opening insights and practical tools shared in “Take Back Your Brain.”
Table of Contents
Genres
Self-help, Personal development, Gender studies, Feminism, Psychology, Sociology, Women’s studies, Social sciences, Non-fiction, Empowerment, Sex, Relationships, Society, Culture
“Take Back Your Brain” by Kara Loewentheil is a powerful exploration of how sexist societal conditioning infiltrates our minds and shapes our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. Loewentheil argues that from a young age, we are bombarded with messages that reinforce gender stereotypes and limit our potential. These deeply ingrained biases often go unnoticed, influencing our decisions, relationships, and self-perception.
Through a combination of personal anecdotes, scientific research, and practical exercises, Loewentheil guides readers on a journey of self-discovery and mental liberation. She exposes the various ways in which sexist conditioning manifests in our lives, from the pressure to conform to narrow beauty standards to the undermining of women’s ambitions and achievements.
Loewentheil emphasizes the importance of recognizing and challenging these internalized biases. She provides readers with tools to identify and question the limiting beliefs that hold them back, encouraging them to cultivate self-awareness and critical thinking. By learning to recognize and reject sexist messages, readers can reclaim their mental space and forge their own paths.
Throughout the book, Loewentheil highlights the transformative power of mindset shifts. She offers strategies for reframing negative self-talk, building resilience, and embracing authenticity. By changing the way we think about ourselves and our place in the world, we can break free from the confines of sexist conditioning and unlock our true potential.
“Take Back Your Brain” is not only a personal journey but also a call to action. Loewentheil emphasizes the collective responsibility to challenge and dismantle the sexist structures that perpetuate inequality. She encourages readers to become agents of change, advocating for gender equality and supporting one another in the pursuit of mental freedom.
Review
“Take Back Your Brain” is a groundbreaking and empowering book that sheds light on the insidious nature of sexist conditioning and its impact on our lives. Kara Loewentheil’s writing is engaging, accessible, and infused with a sense of urgency. She masterfully weaves together personal experiences, scientific research, and practical guidance, creating a compelling and transformative reading experience.
One of the strengths of the book is Loewentheil’s ability to make complex concepts relatable and actionable. She breaks down the mechanisms of sexist conditioning in a way that is easy to understand and provides concrete strategies for overcoming its influence. The exercises and reflections throughout the book encourage introspection and help readers develop a deeper understanding of their own thought patterns and behaviors.
Loewentheil’s approach is both compassionate and empowering. She acknowledges the challenges and emotional toll of confronting internalized biases while also instilling a sense of hope and possibility. Her message is clear: we have the power to reclaim our minds and shape our own narratives.
“Take Back Your Brain” is a must-read for anyone who has ever felt limited or oppressed by societal expectations and gender norms. It is a rallying cry for mental liberation and a testament to the transformative power of self-awareness and empowerment.
While the book primarily focuses on the experiences of women, its insights and strategies are relevant to anyone seeking to break free from limiting beliefs and conditioning. Loewentheil’s work has the potential to inspire a new generation of empowered individuals who reject the confines of sexist conditioning and embrace their authentic selves.
In conclusion, “Take Back Your Brain” is a groundbreaking and essential read that challenges us to confront the sexist influences that shape our lives. Kara Loewentheil’s powerful insights, practical guidance, and compassionate approach make this book a transformative tool for personal growth and collective change.
Introduction: A handbook for rewriting your narrative
Take Back Your Brain (2024) explores how patriarchal society programs women’s thoughts with self-limiting beliefs, leading to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame despite their accomplishments. It offers strategies based on cognitive psychology and feminist theory to help women rewire their thought patterns, overcome internalized misogyny, and unlock their true potential, ultimately transforming their lives and creating new possibilities for themselves and the world.
Meet Sarah.
Sarah, a talented 32-year-old software engineer, exemplifies how internalized misogyny can affect even highly accomplished women. Despite her impressive credentials, Sarah often battles self-doubt and anxiety.
Growing up, Sarah internalized the message that women were less suited for STEM fields. This belief followed her into her career, manifesting as impostor syndrome in the male-dominated tech industry. In meetings, she hesitates to share ideas, convinced her male colleagues must have better solutions. When praised, she downplays her achievements, attributing them to luck rather than skill.
This negative self-talk reinforces Sarah’s self-limiting beliefs, creating a cycle that holds her back from pursuing leadership roles. Her experiences show how societal biases can shape self-perception and behavior, undermining potential.
Does Sarah’s story strike a chord? If your answer is yes, then it’s time for you to challenge your internalized misogyny and self-limiting beliefs. This summary will show you how. Ready to reclaim your brain? Then let’s begin…
Reclaim your brain by rewiring your thoughts
Have you ever heard that nagging Voice in your head? The one that tells you to be likeable and pleasant, that your ideas aren’t worth sharing, or that you’re not enough of a woman without hitting certain milestones? Even committed feminists aren’t immune to this Voice, because it’s not actually your own beliefs – it’s the mouthpiece of internalized misogyny.
Internalized misogyny refers to the unconscious absorption and perpetuation of sexist attitudes by women against themselves or other women. It’s a product of living in a patriarchal society, where we unknowingly internalize harmful gender stereotypes and biases.
Women are often socialized to have “conditional self-esteem,” feeling good about themselves only when meeting society’s ever-changing, often unrealistic conditions. It’s no wonder studies show men typically have higher levels of self-compassion than women. Even awareness of these unfair expectations doesn’t shield us from their effects.
Consider this: numerous studies have shown that women consistently underestimate their performance compared to men, even when completing identical tasks. This phenomenon contributes to what we might call the “brain gap” – a disparity in how women and men perceive their own abilities and potential.
To close this brain gap, we need to embrace two core principles:
What you think isn’t necessarily true.
You can intentionally change what and how you think.
Our brains start as blank pages, absorbing both explicit and implicit messages from our environment. In a patriarchal society, many of these messages are misogynistic, even when they contradict each other. For instance, mentors might encourage assertiveness, while pop culture glorifies meekness and compliance.
Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches us that our thoughts drive our emotions, which in turn drive our actions. These actions create returns that shape our world, often reinforcing our original thoughts. For example, thinking you have no friends can lead to isolating behavior, which results in having fewer friends, thus emphasizing the initial thought.
To change your world, start by retraining your thoughts. This isn’t about toxic positivity or unrealistic affirmations. Instead, it’s about weeding out thoughts that hold you back and rewiring your brain with an incremental approach.
Be prepared for resistance and discomfort. Our brains can change their set thought patterns, but they don’t always like to! You might experience “limbic friction” – the discomfort and resistance felt when trying to change ingrained thought patterns or behaviors. The limbic system, responsible for emotions and habits, tends to resist changes that feel unfamiliar or threatening.
Rely on self-compassion to overcome these difficulties. Instead of berating yourself for mistakes, approach your thoughts and actions with curious self-compassion. Ask gently: what’s happening here?
Start retraining your brain with this simple exercise: Every time you have a self-critical thought, add the phrase “how human of me” to the end. For example, “I yelled at my kids – how human of me” or “I forgot to send that form – how human of me.”
Remember, reclaiming your brain from internalized misogyny is a journey. It requires patience, persistence, and above all, compassion for yourself. By challenging the Voice of misogyny in your head, you’re not just improving your own life – you’re contributing to dismantling the patriarchal structures that perpetuate these harmful thought patterns. So take that first step, and begin closing your own brain gap today.
Receive your feelings fearlessly
In our journey to reclaim our brains from internalized misogyny, understanding and managing our emotions plays a crucial role. It’s important to recognize that emotions are essentially thoughts, and thoughts are something we can change. However, most of us aren’t consciously aware of our thoughts; we only register the emotions they produce. This is why examining our feelings is so vital – they’re important indicators of what’s going on in our brains.
Examining feelings can be challenging for anyone, especially when it comes to negative emotions like sadness or shame that we’d rather avoid. But for women, this process is particularly tricky due to the way patriarchy has conditioned society to view women as “hysterical” in contrast to “logical” men.
Throughout history, women have been framed as overly emotional or hysterical. This stereotype has roots in ancient Greek medicine, where the term “hysteria” (derived from the Greek word for uterus) was used to describe a range of emotional symptoms in women. This framing persisted through the Victorian era and beyond, with women’s emotions often dismissed as irrational or used as justification for denying them rights and opportunities. Even in modern times, women’s emotional responses are often invalidated or used to undermine their credibility in personal and professional settings.
Typically, we process feelings in two ways: ‘resist’ by trying to suppress the emotion, or ‘react’ by attempting to numb it through coping mechanisms like drinking or online shopping. However, there’s a third, more effective approach: ‘receive’ the emotion. This means relaxing into the experience and attempting to tolerate it. Research shows that if we receive rather than resist an emotion, the wave of feeling will pass in approximately 90 seconds.
So, how can we practice receiving emotions? Here are some cognitive exercises to try:
Name and describe emotions: When you experience an emotion, label it. Is it anger? Envy? Sadness?
Receive the emotion: Tap into how your body is feeling and soften into the emotion. Explain what’s happening in your body as if you’re explaining it to an alien: “I’m feeling mad, so my heart is beating fast and my palms are sweaty.” Keep repeating this explanation until you feel your body start to recalibrate.
Move the emotion through your body with somatic exercises:
Peripheral vision: During fight or flight responses, our field of vision narrows to the area of perceived threat. By intentionally moving to peripheral vision, you signal to your brain that there’s no threat.
Cross-body stimulation: Tap alternately on your left and right knees or shoulders. This stimulation reorients the brain’s focus onto the sensory input.
Box breathing: Plant your feet on the floor. Inhale for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, then exhale for four counts.
If all else fails, use survival self-talk: “I’m safe. Nothing here is a threat to my survival.”
By learning to receive and process our emotions effectively, we can better understand the thoughts driving them. This understanding is a powerful tool in recognizing and challenging the internalized misogyny that may be influencing our emotional responses. Remember, your feelings are valid and worthy of examination. By facing them head-on, you’re taking an important step in reclaiming your brain from patriarchal conditioning and moving towards a more authentic, empowered self.
Actively rewire your thought patterns
What are you waiting for to feel your most worthy? A promotion? A proposal? When you take charge of your own thoughts and feelings, you don’t need to rely on external validation. You can achieve lasting self-worth and self-belief from within.
It’s crucial to understand that emotions aren’t caused by people or events. They’re physical sensations within our bodies, created by our thoughts. Even if you become aware of the feeling before the thought, the thought is always at the core. This means you’re in charge of how you feel in any given moment. However, let’s be clear: this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel bad when negative things happen to you.
To change your thoughts, you first need to become aware of them. Try this exercise: Set a timer for five minutes and write down your thoughts. You can write stream of consciousness or focus on something that’s bothering you. The key is to keep writing no matter what.
Once your thoughts are on paper, figure out how they’re making you feel. Label each thought with a feeling. This will help you start matching thoughts with feelings. Break thoughts down into the smallest units possible for accurate matching.
Next, write down all the actions (or inactions) these feelings prompt you to take. This information can help you trace back any action you want to stop or start doing to the feelings and thoughts that create that action. For example, let’s say you want a promotion but can’t bring yourself to ask for it. What feeling is stopping you? Maybe anxiety or fear. What thought prompts that feeling? Perhaps “I don’t want my boss to think I’m greedy” – a thought that often stems from internalized misogyny.
Now that you’ve identified the thought holding you back, how do you change it? Enter the thought ladder exercise:
Find your current thought. In our example: “I don’t want my boss to think I’m greedy.”
Choose your goal thought. For instance: “I deserve to be recognized for my work.”
Brainstorm your ladder thoughts – these are the thoughts that will take you from your current thought to your goal thought. Example: “Asking for a promotion is not unreasonable, and I bring experience and talent to this organization.” These thoughts don’t need to be in any particular order. Find a thought you can believe right now and focus on that. Repeat until you reach your goal thought.
If you need help, try adding a qualifier to your goal thought: “I sometimes do work deserving of recognition.” Sit with that thought until you can move onto the next rung on the ladder.
Try adding a statement of intent: “I am learning to believe that my work is valuable.”
Practice the goal thought over and over again until it’s embedded in your brain.
This process of thought management is powerful in combating internalized misogyny. It allows you to challenge and change the limiting beliefs that patriarchal society may have instilled in you. Remember, your thoughts shape your reality. By actively working to shift your thoughts from self-doubt to self-assurance, you’re not just changing your mindset – you’re reclaiming your power and potential.
It’s a journey, and it takes time and practice. But with each step up the thought ladder, you’re dismantling the internalized misogyny that may have held you back. You’re proving to yourself that you don’t need external validation to feel worthy. Your worth comes from within, and by managing your thoughts, you have the power to recognize and embrace that worth fully.
Step into your power
In the battle against internalized misogyny, one of the most crucial steps is recognizing and reclaiming your power. Society has long conditioned men to believe they can make things happen, while women are often socialized to sit back and wait for things to happen to them. We’re taught that if we work hard, someone might notice and give us a raise, or if we do everything for our families, they’ll appreciate our efforts. When we act in line with these beliefs, we widen the brain gap between what the world has told us we can be and where we want to see ourselves.
But here’s a powerful truth: you are never powerless, even if you’ve been conditioned to feel that way. We always have agency to respond to our circumstances.
Two realities coexist: women generally underestimate the agency they have to change their own lives, and society is rigged against women, often denying them agency. It’s not helpful to pretend societal obstacles to women’s success don’t exist – they absolutely do. However, our thoughts make a significant difference in how we respond to these obstacles. Women need to find a way to create a different world for themselves. Fortunately, we can do that through what we call “returns.”
The model goes: thought → feeling → action → return. The returns are the results of our actions. The more our actions reflect authentically positive and radically possible beliefs, the more our world changes to be the way we want to see it.
Your actions impact your experience of life and the outcomes you create. This doesn’t mean your thoughts create your reality entirely. But by iterating your thoughts to create more positive feelings, which flow into more positive actions, you can significantly influence your outcomes. Reprogramming your brain can’t change the world, but it can have a big impact on how you exist within the world.
You have control over the meaning you ascribe to the things that happen to you. For example, if your partner breaks up with you, you can control whether your interpretation is “we weren’t compatible” or “I’m worthless and undeserving of love.” The former allows for growth and future possibilities, while the latter reinforces negative self-perceptions.
Moreover, you have more ability to impact your own outcomes than you might believe. If you think you can’t do something, you’re unlikely to try. But if you think you can, you’re more likely to take the first step on a potentially life-changing journey.
Want to see different returns in your life? Use the cognitive exercises we’ve discussed to trace returns back to their root thoughts, through actions and feelings. Then use your thought ladder to change those thoughts.
Remember, taking back your power doesn’t mean denying the existence of societal barriers or minimizing the real challenges women face. Instead, it’s about recognizing that despite these obstacles, you have agency. You have the power to shape your responses, your actions, and ultimately, your life.
By challenging the internalized beliefs that limit you, by recognizing your inherent worth and capabilities, you’re not just changing your own life – you’re contributing to a broader shift in societal norms. Each woman who reclaims her power chips away at the foundations of internalized misogyny.
So, start today. Examine your thoughts, challenge your beliefs, and take action based on what you truly want, not what society has conditioned you to expect. Your power has always been there – now it’s time to embrace it fully.
Conclusion
The main takeaway of this summary to Take Back Your Brain by Kara Loewenthal you’ve learned that it is possible to overcome internalized misogyny by reclaiming control over your thoughts and emotions. You can achieve this by recognizing limiting beliefs, actively rewiring thought patterns, and embracing your personal power to create positive change in both individual lives and society at large.