“Unfiltered: How to Be as Happy as You Look on Social Media” by Jessica Abo tackles the pervasive issue of social media-induced anxiety. This eye-opening book delves into the gap between our online personas and real-life experiences, offering practical strategies to bridge this divide and find genuine happiness.
Ready to ditch the filters and embrace your authentic self? Dive into this review to discover how Abo’s insights can transform your relationship with social media and boost your well-being.
Table of Contents
Genres
Self-help, Psychology, Social Media, Personal Development, Mindfulness, Digital Wellness, Happiness, Mental Health, Modern Living, Small Business, Entrepreneurship, Business Development, Stress Management, Communication and Media Studies
Jessica Abo’s “Unfiltered” explores the disconnect between our curated online lives and our true selves. The book is divided into three parts: understanding the impact of social media on our psyche, strategies for authentic living, and ways to leverage social platforms for personal growth.
Abo shares personal anecdotes and interviews with experts to illustrate how social media affects our self-esteem, relationships, and overall happiness. She highlights common pitfalls like comparison, FOMO, and the pressure to present a perfect image online.
The author provides practical exercises to help readers identify their core values and align their online presence with their authentic selves. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, practicing digital detoxes, and cultivating real-world connections.
Abo also offers guidance on using social media as a tool for personal and professional development. She discusses ways to build meaningful online communities, share vulnerabilities, and create content that reflects one’s true passions and experiences.
Throughout the book, Abo encourages readers to embrace imperfection and find joy in their unique journeys, both online and offline.
Review
“Unfiltered” offers a refreshing take on the age-old struggle of authenticity in the digital age. Abo’s writing style is engaging and relatable, making complex psychological concepts accessible to a wide audience.
The book’s strength lies in its practical approach. Rather than demonizing social media, Abo provides actionable steps to create a healthier relationship with these platforms. Her personal stories and expert interviews add credibility and depth to her advice.
However, some readers might find certain sections repetitive or overly simplistic. The book could benefit from more in-depth exploration of the long-term effects of social media on mental health.
Despite these minor drawbacks, “Unfiltered” serves as a valuable guide for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of social media. It’s particularly relevant for young adults and professionals navigating their online identities.
Abo’s message of self-acceptance and intentional living resonates long after the last page. This book is a timely reminder that true happiness comes from within, not from likes and followers.
Introduction
Your sister posted yet another picture of her perfect apartment. Your best friend shared another shot of his adorable children. In these moments, social media can feel like a constant reminder that your life just isn’t good enough. In this book summary, you will learn about the emotional effects of social media and how to mitigate them. You will also learn how to use your own social media experiences to discern areas for self-improvement, and to be happier in your own life.
Little lessons for improving your happiness.
READ THIS BOOK SUMMARY IF YOU:
- Like learning about the intersections of psychology, self-improvement, and social media
- Are burned out by your never-ending social media stream
- Wonder about using social media to discern your personal needs
Social media is both a blessing and a curse. While it might help you stay in touch with distant friends or reach out to your audience, it can also trigger your feelings of inadequacy and loneliness.
Why does social media make so many people feel so terrible? And what can you do to use these experiences to your benefit? The answer is a more mindful approach to your social media engagement.
The Pitfalls of Social Media
If you’re reading this book review, you’re probably already intimately familiar with the many ways in which social media can cast a shadow over an otherwise enjoyable day. Perhaps you scroll through your Instagram feed during your transit commute only to discover that all of your friends went out for happy hour last night and didn’t invite you. Maybe Facebook reveals that the ex-lover who broke your heart a few months back is now happily engaged. Perhaps the girl who bullied you mercilessly during high school shares a never-ending stream of pictures that flatter her gloriously-toned, beach-ready body, which makes you feel painfully aware your flabby upper arms. No matter where your weaknesses reside, social media has the power to hit you right where it hurts. This is the unpleasant phenomenon of “compare and despair.”
Although social media might contribute to general unhappiness, that hasn’t stopped most users from engaging with it. If anything, social media consumption is on the rise. Larry Rosen, a psychology professor at California State University, Dominguez Hills, conducted research on social media trends in 2016 and found that his test subjects unlocked their phones an average of 56 times a day and were on them for roughly 220 minutes. He conducted the same study again with a different test group in 2017, and this time, daily screen time was up to 262 minutes.
If your own phone time feels uncomfortably high, or if you want to minimize the effects of “compare and despair,” reducing your social media use is certainly a valid approach. One strategy is to move your social media icons off of your phone’s home page and into a folder on a different page so that you’ll feel less tempted to unconsciously click through Instagram or Facebook. You can also set a schedule for your social media checks, or simply disable your alerts.
But these changes are only partial solutions. When pictures of someone else’s adorable children or your sister’s extravagant engagement ring get you down, the culprit isn’t social media per se. It’s your own feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction. Simply limiting your social media engagement fails to address these deeper problems. The key to preventing “compare and despair” is pinpointing the areas of your life that trigger your insecurities, and taking a proactive approach to making improvements. Only then will you be able to cultivate a life that truly lives up to your carefully curated Instagram presence.
In addition to developing a higher level of personal satisfaction, doing the hard work of bettering your life will minimize your social media resentments and empower you to use it in healthy ways. After all, social media isn’t all bad. Dr. Aviva Goldstein, an educator and family counselor, observes that people are attached to social media because it provides certain crucial services. Social media offers a new approach to social validation. It can also help you expand your sphere of influence, spread your brand, or generate interest in the causes that matter most to you. When you’re able to feel more comfortable in your own skin and less threatened by someone else’s newsfeed, you’ll be in a better position to take advantage of social media’s many benefits.
Practicing Personal Discernment
Improving your relationship with social media begins by improving your relationship with yourself. If a stranger’s newsfeed causes you to question the quality of your own life, it may be time to begin a process of personal inquiry. Your goal should be to investigate which parts of your own life might be in need of improvement. This is the process of identifying your pain points.
To begin, scroll through your social media sites and take note of which types of content trigger your insecurity. Does your best friend’s announcement about her new promotion make you feel depressed? It may be a sign that you need to engage in a bit of reflection about your job. Does a classmate’s vacation photo fill you with wild envy? Perhaps this means you need to brainstorm strategies for factoring more leisure time into your schedule.
As you begin to identify the parts of your life that generate insecurity, commit to the task of asking yourself a series of hard questions about yourself. For instance, if you sense that your dissatisfaction is tied to your career, give yourself a reality check and ask yourself the following:
- Do you feel frustrated with your actual job, or just your work environment?
- Do you feel out of place in your industry as a whole, or just at this particular office?
- Did you recently miss out on a promotion? Do you feel short-changed or under-appreciated?
- Is your dissatisfaction the result of your work or your colleagues?
- Does your workspace feel uncomfortable or unsafe?
- Are you facing a particular setback? If so, does that setback feel more daunting than it actually is?
- What do you wish that you had the courage to do? And what support do you need to actually take that action?
- What would make you feel better about initiating certain changes?
These types of questions can help you pinpoint the true source of your professional dissatisfaction, which can open you up to potential solutions.
If relationships, loneliness, or social drama seem to be the source of your unhappiness, go through a similar discernment process:
- Are you having a hard time meeting new people?
- Are you stuck on an ex? Are you in the wrong relationship?
- Are other obligations keeping you from spending more time with those you love?
- Are there certain patterns in your friendships and romances that seem to keep on repeating?
- What activities, people, and contexts make you feel happiest?
- Which relationships are the most valuable to you?
- What are the most important aspects of a friendship or romance?
- What issues consistently get in the way of intimacy?
Recognizing Your Negative Patterns
As you take note of the content that contributes to your unhappiness, it can also be helpful to pay attention to the patterns of your thoughts. It can be easy to get wrapped up in your own negative emotions, and sometimes the slightest provocation can send you into a tailspin. For instance, if your college roommate posts yet another picture of his beautiful Manhattan apartment, your feelings of insecurity might reach an irrational crescendo. You might begin to hate yourself for not having enough money, not securing an illustrious job, or not taking the risk of moving to New York. Before long, you might be telling yourself that you’re a miserable failure who will never amount to anything all because of a single photograph.
This type of negative energy isn’t rational. Don’t let a single post trigger a personal breakdown. Instead, practice catching yourself when your insecurities reach ridiculous heights. Remind yourself that you aren’t a failure just because your home is a tiny studio and not a gorgeous penthouse. Furthermore, your life might not be perfect right now, but that doesn’t mean it will stay this way forever. You are capable of change, and you have the power to improve your life. Instead of getting sucked into an endless cycle of self-loathing, notice your defeating patterns, and redirect that energy toward self-improvement.
Escape the Rut
Sometimes you just need a little change that will shake up your routines and give you a new perspective on your situation. When a celebrity’s perfect selfies or your ex-boyfriend’s adorable children make you feel like garbage, take the following steps to get out of your rut and view your life through a different lens:
- Get out of town. Pick an escape that fits your schedule and budget. Plan a road trip to Mexico City, visit your best friend in Wisconsin, or drive to a nearby mountain or state park for an invigorating hike.
- Rejuvenate your personal space. Your setting has a surprising amount of influence on your mood. A messy office invites procrastination, and a cluttered living room inspires stress. Get rid of the obsolete papers on your desk, and rearrange your furniture. Go to your nearest thrift store and pick up something cheap and colorful that will give new energy to your habitat.
- Focus on people. If your job is making you miserable, take a break to FaceTime with your favorite niece, grab coffee with your favorite irreverent colleague, or spend a few extra minutes with your cat. Remind yourself of the people who make your life more enjoyable.
- Pay it forward. Doing something helpful for another person can help you put your own obstacles in perspective, clarify your thinking, and add energy to your routines. Pick your favorite local charity and get involved. Surprise your favorite friend with your famous homemade cookies, or write a letter to your grandmother.
- Ground yourself in positivity. Write a list of all the positive facets of your life. Remind yourself that you’re grateful for your good health, your favorite author, or your tranquil garden.
Seeking Guidance
The process of self-betterment will be easier and more enjoyable if you use your relationships for support. Seek out other people who share the same goals, and implement a plan to help one another. If you and your closest co-worker share a mutual hatred for your toxic office, make plans to meet up for coffee once a week and hold each other accountable in your respective job searches. If one of your friends is feeling dissatisfied by her romantic partnerships, be each other’s support system.
Mentorship can also be a helpful source of strength during personal growth. If your industry is film, you could reach out to more established filmmakers you have things in common with to see if they’d be willing to meet up for coffee and share their own experiences with navigating the industry. If you’re struggling with your tech startup, seek out a more seasoned entrepreneur who is willing to give you advice for your own process.
Mentors and peer support are important because they can help you identify your own blind spots. You might think that your plan for entrepreneurship is bulletproof, but a seasoned veteran will see the flaws that you didn’t anticipate. You might feel certain that your workplace is a source of toxicity, but a good therapist might help you identify your own contributions to you discontent. During tough times, other people can be essential resources for survival and growth.
Redefining Your Priorities
Your process of discernment might reveal that you want to reorganize how you spend your time and energy. You might decide that your current position doesn’t align with your true career calling, or that your relationships need improving.
One helpful exercise for reconfiguring your priorities is creating a lengthy, detailed description of your ideal day. Sometimes a better understanding of how you want your day-to-day existence to look can help you discern bigger questions about your priorities.
- Do you thrive in the community of an office, or do you feel more productive when you work from home?
- Do you enjoy a sense of structure, or do you feel more satisfied when you have the freedom to jump between tasks?
- Do deadlines make you feel energized or terrified?
- Are you a morning person or a night owl?
- Are you at your best when working in a cubicle, or from a coffee shop?
- Are you good at managing your own time, or do you need a supervisor and peers to help keep you focused?
- Do you enjoy collaborating with groups or working independently?
These types of questions can help you design your ideal routine, and they offer clues into your deepest preferences.
Know Your Energy
It’s easy to assume that your nagging boss or your hapless spouse are solely to blame for your misery. However, beware of placing too much emphasis on other people, and remind yourself that your happiness is your own responsibility. Before you decide that everything in your life is overflowing with negativity, give yourself the following reality check:
- Are you suffering from a lack of leisure time because of a demanding boss? Or is because of your workaholic tendencies?
- Does your spouse always ignore your feelings? Or are there ways in which you could improve your communication skills and voice your needs more clearly?
- Are you truly interested in marriage and children? Or are these the goals that other people want for you?
- Are you actually too broke for a vacation? Or are there ways you could reconfigure your budget to afford a break?
- Is your job a true dead end? Or is it a reasonable but unpleasant stepping stone toward a desirable future?
While other people and circumstances may be to blame for your dissatisfaction, it’s just as likely that you are contributing a certain amount of toxic energy to your life. By examining your life, you can identify ways of being a true ally to yourself.
As you navigate this process of self-reflection and improvement, always bear in mind that happiness is not a pie: Just because your Facebook friends have amazing jobs and enviable careers doesn’t mean that there’s less happiness left over for you. Another person’s narrative doesn’t necessarily have any bearing on you. You have the power to feel better about yourself and your life.
Conclusion
Social media has the power to open your most vulnerable wounds. When your social media feeds cause you to feel unignorable jealousy or extreme self-loathing, use these reactions as valuable data.
By assessing your feelings and insecurities, you can identify the parts of your life that you want to change, and make meaningful choices for improvement. By improving your relationship with yourself, you can also improve your relationship to social media.
Jessica Abo is an award-winning television journalist and a regular contributor to Entrepreneur. She is also a graduate of Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism and a public speaker.
Jessica Abo is a Millennial Content Maven turning the angst and energy of a generation into meaningful content on all platforms. She has spent the past decade — on TV, online and even IRL (in real life for those who don’t text) – helping her generation make sense of chaos and empowering them to make the world a better place than how they found it. Through her TEDx Talk and keynote speeches, YouTube videos and TV News Reporting, Jessica shines a light on the causes people care about, the powerful work they do and how they got to where they are in the first place.
Table of Contents
Part One: Know Your Self(ie)
Chapter 1: What Pain Points are at the Root of Your Unhappiness?
Chapter 2: File a Complaint
Chapter 3: Happiness Hacks: Tips for Getting Out of a Rut
Part Two: Staying Positive
Chapter 4: When You’re Feeling Lost
Chapter 5: When You’ve Been Rejected
Chapter 6: When You Wish You Could Undo a Mistake
Part Three: Taking Back Your Happiness
Chapter 7: How to Outsmart Your Bully
Chapter 8: How to Use Your Words to be Heard in the Workplace
Chapter 9: How to Protect Yourself in Dangerous Situations
Part Four: Build What Makes You Happiest
Chapter 10: Questions to Ask Yourself Before Going Out on Your Own
Chapter 11: How to Actually Start Your Business and Act Like a Boss
Chapter 12: How to Get Press, Published and a Public Speaking Tour
Part Five: Create Connections That Make You Happy
Chapter 13: Navigating the Friendshift
Chapter 14: Being Single is Not a Life Sentence
Chapter 15: Mastering the Skill of Letting Go
Part Six: Finding Your Happy Place
Chapter 16: How to Turn Your Pain into Your Purpose
Chapter 17: How to Turn Your Passion into Action
Part 7: A Year from Now You’ll Be Happy You Started Today
Chapter 18: Ready, Set, Goal!