Strategies to Take the High Road Amidst Conflict by Alissa Hebbeln and Russell Kolts

When someone provokes you, it’s easy to react without thinking. Learn to slow down and respond in ways you’ll be proud of. Navigating life’s provocations with grace and wisdom is a crucial skill. In “How to Take the High Road,” Alissa Hebbeln and Russell Kolts provide invaluable insights on responding thoughtfully in challenging situations.

Dive into this enlightening article to discover powerful strategies for maintaining your integrity and responding in ways you’ll be proud of, even when provoked.

Genres

Self-help, Personal development, Conflict resolution, Emotional intelligence, Psychology, Interpersonal relationships, Communication, Mindfulness, Stress management, Leadership

“How to Take the High Road” offers practical guidance on responding to provocations with intention and integrity. The authors emphasize the importance of slowing down and thinking before reacting, allowing for more thoughtful and productive responses.

They explore the concept of “taking the high road,” which involves choosing to respond in a way that aligns with one’s values and goals, rather than succumbing to impulsive reactions. The article provides strategies for practicing mindfulness, regulating emotions, and communicating assertively in challenging situations.

By implementing these techniques, readers can navigate conflicts more effectively and maintain their integrity even in the face of provocation.

Review

“How to Take the High Road” is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their conflict resolution skills and respond more effectively to provocations. Hebbeln and Kolts offer clear, actionable advice grounded in psychological principles and real-world examples.

The article’s emphasis on mindfulness and emotional regulation is particularly noteworthy, as these skills are essential for navigating challenging interpersonal situations. The authors’ writing style is engaging and accessible, making complex concepts easy to understand and apply.

While the article provides a solid foundation for taking the high road, some readers may benefit from additional examples or case studies to further illustrate the strategies in action. Overall, “How to Take the High Road” is a must-read for anyone looking to enhance their ability to respond to provocations with wisdom, grace, and integrity.

Recommendation

Picture it: A relative questions your life choices during dinner; a colleague criticizes your work; a stranger makes a snarky remark in the grocery store. Situations like these can elicit strong emotions and, if you bite back, may lead to full-blown arguments. At 2016’s Democratic National Convention, Michelle Obama proclaimed, “When they go low, we go high.” Alas, taking the high road isn’t always easy. It requires practice, compassion, and a strong moral compass. Alissa Hebbeln, a clinical therapist, and Russell Kolts, a clinical psychologist, examine how to rise above with grace and integrity.

Take-Aways

• The human brain is wired to respond instinctively to perceived attacks, even verbal ones. Reprogram your brain to control your temper and take the high road.
• Learn to engage your “safeness system” by identifying triggers and equipping yourself with self-soothing techniques.
• Take the high road more often by practicing “self-compassion.”

Summary

The human brain is wired to respond instinctively to perceived attacks, even verbal ones. Reprogram your brain to control your temper and take the high road.

Lashing out at someone whose words or actions make you feel strong negative emotions is an evolutionary response to a perceived threat. If someone criticizes you or raises a topic of conversation you find triggering, you might feel fear, anger, or anxiety course through your body. Though no real physical threat exists, your brain’s “threat system” ignites, impeding your ability to think clearly or empathize with the other person. Caught unaware, you might react poorly and later feel ashamed of your failure to keep calm and take the high road. While the threat system protected humans from predators in ancient times, it has yet to evolve to help you navigate modern social conflicts with grace.

“When others come at us in ways that trigger our threat systems, we’re neurologically disposed to react as if danger were approaching.”

Humans also have an inborn “safeness system,” which helps them build connections with one another. When you engage this system, your body produces feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and endorphins. This mode allows you to broaden your perspective, communicate more clearly, and act with greater compassion. With practice, you can learn to unplug from your threat system when you feel triggered and activate your safeness system, allowing you to respond thoughtfully rather than explosively.

Learn to engage your safeness system by identifying triggers and equipping yourself with self-soothing techniques.

Everyone has reacted poorly to a trigger at some point. Don’t berate yourself for past failures. Instead, take steps to improve your behavior in these situations. Get curious about the people, topics, and situations that provoke your threat system. List your common triggers, and consider how you would like to respond to them. Practice mindfulness, taking a moment to assess your emotions several times daily. By training yourself to identify changes in your mood and body that signal distress, you equip yourself to interrupt your threat system before you respond in a way you might later regret.

“If you resist the urge to shut down, to beat yourself up or to demonize others, you can gradually grow your ability to take the high road, even when others go low. You might find that you end up taking some of them with you.”

Practice self-soothing techniques that you can employ when your threat system seems about to go live. Slowing down your breathing stimulates the vagus nerve, which de-escalates your threat response by telling your brain you are safe. Try to find a comfortable, steady breathing rhythm. Another approach is to visualize a calm, soothing place. Think of the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures associated with that place. When you feel your temper beginning to flare, conjure the image of your safe place and feel your rising tension dissipate.

Take the high road more often by practicing “self-compassion.”

Bolster your ability to manage your responses to emotional triggers by nurturing your “compassionate self” — a kinder, bolder, more sage version of the person you are today. Your compassionate self recognizes that, though you are accountable for your actions, you are doing your best. Imagine a hypothetical triggering situation. Evaluate what your most compassionate self would care about, understand, and do in that scenario. Consider how you would maintain your composure in a way that aligns with your values if the other person continued to press your buttons.

Nurturing your compassionate self begins with rudimentary self-care. You can’t deflect provocation if you are tired, stressed, or unwell. So schedule some time to exercise or meditate daily. Aim to get enough sleep each night. Talk through challenging situations with close confidants or a therapist. Set boundaries in your close personal relationships, and avoid bad habits, such as drug and alcohol abuse or spending too much time online. Be curious about others. Try to see their points of view and understand their behavior. Cultivating empathy can help you respond less defensively.

“Life isn’t a superhero movie: it doesn’t all come down to one final, do-or-die moment.”

If, against your better nature, you react poorly to a trigger, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, learn from the experience, evaluate your actions, and try harder to take the high road next time.

About the Authors

Alissa Hebbeln is a clinical intern therapist. Clinical psychologist Russell Kolts is a professor at Eastern Washington University, where he researches compassion-focused therapy.