Emotional Habits (2016) offers seven practical steps that anyone can implement to take control of their emotional lives and live with more resilience when overcoming life’s personal and professional challenges.
Peak performance coach Akash Karia discusses the seven major habits of “emotionally resilient” people and explains how to integrate these behaviors into your life. Experts claim that the most successful people aren’t necessarily the most intelligent or best educated; they’re the most emotionally resilient. They don’t let negative emotions cloud their judgment. Instead, they acknowledge such feelings as being inevitable and take responsibility for their actions. They can step back from a situation and not allow their emotions to take over. Karia provides tips for handling negativity, including adopting power poses, changing focus, using questions to develop greater self-awareness, and more. His easy-to-read manual contains valuable advice backed up by research. getAbstract recommends Karia’s useful method to anyone dealing with sadness, anger, frustration or other negative emotions.
- Everyone has to deal with negative emotions or experiences.
- You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond.
- Taking control of negative emotions isn’t the same as suppressing them.
- “Emotionally resilient” people accept their emotions and take ownership of their actions. They use questions to develop better self-awareness.
- They adopt “power postures” or poses to help strengthen them and defuse negativity.
- Instead of reacting to a stimulus, they change their focus to shift the meaning of the stimulus to indicate a better outcome.
- Emotionally resilient people change or mold their beliefs to control their emotions.
- They ask challenging questions to improve themselves.
- They learn to modify their “self-talk and inner movies” by adjusting the controls.
- They rewire bad habits by modifying the “antecedent, behavior” and “consequence” (ABC) loop of events in their lives.
Introduction: Learn to thrive despite life’s obstacles by practicing seven simple habits.
In a world filled with daily challenges and rapidly changing circumstances, maintaining emotional resilience is no easy task. It can feel like an uphill battle, with negative emotions clouding your outlook and impeding your progress every step of the way. But what if you had a roadmap not only to navigate these emotional challenges but also to transform them into stepping stones for personal growth?
Luckily, Akash Karia’s Emotional Habits is that very map. In this Blink, we’ll open the door to a journey of self-discovery, enabling you to embrace your feelings, harness the power of your beliefs, and effectively manage your emotional responses. By the end, you’ll find that life isn’t just about weathering the storm – it’s about learning how to dance in the downpour.
Resilience is a skill
Emotional resilience is key to navigating the challenges of life, and this attribute is built on the foundation of understanding and managing one’s emotions effectively. You see, emotions play a fundamental role in shaping our perception of reality. They can color our worldview, with negative emotions in particular having an exaggerated influence on how we interpret and respond to events around us.
It’s important to note that the aim of emotional resilience isn’t to suppress or ignore these emotions, but rather to recognize them and allow oneself to experience them fully. At the same time, the power of positivity shouldn’t be overlooked either. Even in the midst of seemingly negative circumstances, there are often positive elements to be found, if only one chooses to seek them out and concentrate on them. It’s this balance of acknowledging the negative while seeking the positive that lays the groundwork for emotional resilience.
Emotional resilience is a skill that, with practice, anyone can cultivate, and its significance can’t be overstated. Research has consistently shown that resilience is a decisive factor in whether individuals thrive or falter when faced with adversity. The ability to overcome negative emotions and persist toward one’s goals despite setbacks is an invaluable trait that can boost happiness and fulfillment in both personal and professional contexts.
And so for this, the first habit to cultivate is just to acknowledge one’s feelings. This involves not just recognizing the emotions as they arise, but also accepting responsibility for them. Every emotion, be it joy or anger, fear or excitement, carries with it a positive intention or message. It could be a signal that something in your environment requires your attention, or a reminder of a value or aspiration that you hold dear.
Acknowledging and understanding these messages requires you to let go of any judgment or shame associated with those emotions. Perhaps you feel guilt when you assert your needs, or embarrassment when you show vulnerability. Such self-judgment can make it difficult for you to fully understand and accept your emotions. Recognizing this tendency is the first step toward overcoming it.
To illustrate this point, consider a situation in which you’re feeling frustrated and stressed because you’re unable to meet a tight deadline at work. Rather than berating yourself for being overwhelmed, acknowledge the stress and frustration. Understand that these emotions are signals telling you that something isn’t right – maybe the deadline is unrealistic, or perhaps you need additional resources to complete the task. Accept that it’s completely natural to feel stressed in such situations, and there’s no need for self-judgment or shame.
This shift in perspective is the cornerstone of emotional resilience. By acknowledging, accepting, and understanding your emotions, you empower yourself to manage them effectively and, in doing so, influence your reality in a positive way. This is the first step on the journey toward greater emotional resilience and a happier, more fulfilling life.
Embolden the body, and look for the silver lining
Moving forward from the first habit, the second further enhances emotional resilience—harnessing the power of the physical body to overcome negative emotions. It might seem surprising at first, but physical posture can directly influence one’s emotional state.
You’ve probably noticed how your body language changes depending on your mood. When you’re sad or dejected, you may hunch over, lower your gaze, or cross your arms. Conversely, when you’re happy or confident, you may stand taller, hold your head high, and keep your shoulders back. This is not a one-way street – just as our emotions can influence our body language, so too can our body language influence our emotions.
By consciously adopting postures that evoke feelings of power and confidence, we can actually elicit those feelings within ourselves. This could involve practicing certain expansive poses, like standing with your hands on your hips, or simply adopting a more upright and open position while sitting. This can make us feel stronger and more capable, helping us better manage our negative emotions and reducing our tendency to judge ourselves harshly for experiencing them.
Imagine yourself in a challenging work situation – let’s say having a difficult conversation with a colleague or presenting to a large audience. By standing or sitting tall, you signal to your own brain that you are capable and in control, helping to alleviate feelings of anxiety or fear. Practicing this second habit often will help it become second nature, too.
The third habit of emotionally resilient people is that they find the silver lining in every cloud. In other words, they develop the discipline to identify positives in seemingly negative situations. It might sound cliché, but every cloud does have a silver lining, and the key to success lies in our ability to spot it.
Every situation, even a negative one, presents an opportunity for self-improvement or growth. You may feel frustrated by a challenging project at work, but could it be an opportunity to develop new skills or demonstrate your problem-solving abilities? Similarly, feelings of stress or anxiety could be your body’s way of telling you to slow down and take care of your well-being. Recognizing these positives not only changes how you feel about the situation, but also how you feel about your emotions and, ultimately, yourself.
Take, for example, a workplace scenario in which you’re grappling with a task outside of your comfort zone. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the negative emotions this evokes, could you choose to see this as a chance to grow – to expand your skills and abilities? This shift in perspective is empowering and instills a sense of control, even in challenging circumstances.
Ultimately, practicing both of these habits provides valuable tools for managing emotional challenges, while promoting a healthier and more effective response to stress and adversity. This lays the foundation for a more resilient attitude, empowering you to take on life’s challenges with confidence and optimism.
Harness the power of belief and self-awareness
Having examined the first three habits, let’s move on to the fourth and fifth, which deal with the power of belief systems and the significance of asking meaningful questions.
The fourth habit zeroes in on the idea that our belief systems, in many ways, shape our realities, including our physical well-being and mental health. What we believe about ourselves and our circumstances can have a profound impact on how we feel and behave. Indeed, our beliefs act as filters through which we perceive the world, and these perceptions can directly influence our emotional responses.
For example, if you firmly believe that you’re going to fail at a work project, that belief might manifest in real life because your negative expectation could lead you to underperform or not invest your best effort. Similarly, if you believe you’re a victim of circumstances, you might feel powerless and get trapped in a cycle of negativity.
But here’s the good news. While we may not always have control over our circumstances, we do have the ability to control our beliefs. That means you can choose to believe that you are capable, resilient, and able to handle whatever comes your way. By adjusting your beliefs, you can, in effect, alter your emotional reactions and behavior patterns – and, subsequently, the outcomes you experience.
The fifth skill practiced by emotionally resilient people is simply asking themselves more meaningful questions. Far from incidental, asking the right questions can lead to deeper self-awareness and better outcomes. It’s about replacing self-deprecating questions like Why was I such a jerk? with more constructive, solution-oriented ones like What can I learn about myself from this situation?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism when you make a mistake or face a difficult situation. However, dwelling on negativity doesn’t help you grow. Instead, reframing the situation with a learning mindset can yield much more constructive results. This doesn’t mean ignoring or brushing off mistakes, but rather treating them as valuable learning opportunities.
So, imagine you’ve had a conflict with a colleague at work. Instead of berating yourself for the disagreement, take a step back and ask, What can I learn from this? Perhaps it has highlighted a communication gap that needs addressing, or maybe it’s a chance to improve your conflict-resolution skills. By asking insightful questions, you can shift your perspective from one of self-criticism to self-improvement, leading to more positive and productive outcomes.
In essence, the fourth and fifth habits inspire us to take control of our beliefs and ask meaningful questions that foster self-awareness and growth. Both these habits equip us with essential tools to cultivate a better attitude and improve emotional resilience.
Flip the script and hack the cycle
Having delved into the power of belief systems and the significance of asking meaningful questions, let’s now venture into the realms of the sixth and seventh habits, which stress the importance of inner dialogue management, positive visualization, and understanding the cycle of emotional responses.
Self-talk and visualization play significant roles in how you perceive and react to situations. Negative self-talk can exacerbate feelings of stress and anxiety, while positive self-talk can enhance emotional resilience and foster a proactive response to adversity. In essence, the language you use with yourself can shape your perception of reality and directly influence your own behavior.
For instance, consider a situation in which you’ve received criticism at work. Instead of telling yourself Ugh, I always mess up, you could reframe this as I’ve made a mistake, but I can learn and improve. Changing the narrative from defeatist to constructive can alter your emotional response, promote growth, and improve your ability to handle similar situations in the future.
Adding on to this, visualization or mental rehearsal has been shown to affect performance positively. Picturing yourself successfully navigating a challenging situation can bolster your confidence and preparedness. It’s not about creating a fantasy world, but rather rehearsing possible scenarios and responses, which in turn can help you handle real-life situations with greater skill and composure.
Finally, the seventh habit emphasizes understanding and breaking down the cycle of emotional responses. Emotional reactions often follow an antecedent-behavior-consequence cycle. Understanding this sequence can provide you with strategies to manage your emotional reactions and reduce negative outcomes.
Imagine a situation in which you’ve had an argument with your partner. Perhaps you were exhausted, and this fatigue prompted an emotional outburst that had negative repercussions. By recognizing the antecedent (your fatigue), your behavior (the outburst), and its consequence (the adverse effect on your relationship), you can develop strategies to prevent such incidents in the future. This could mean deciding not to engage in difficult conversations when you’re not well-rested, or adopting better communication tactics.
Ultimately, managing your self-talk, practicing positive visualization, and understanding your emotional response cycles are crucial for boosting emotional resilience. These habits equip you with powerful tools to navigate emotional challenges at work, maintain a positive attitude, and foster personal and professional growth.
Putting it all together: a resilient mindset
Picture this: You’ve had a challenging day at work – a project has gone awry. Your stress levels are skyrocketing, and you’re not sure how to navigate the emotional turbulence. Sound familiar? This is a moment when the significance of these seven habits of emotional resilience comes into play, transforming your perspective and response.
First, by acknowledging instead of suppressing them, you can take responsibility for and seek the positive intention behind your emotions. Remember, it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. There’s no shame in it, and this acceptance is the first step toward a healthier response.
Then, harness the power of your physicality to confront negative emotions. Postures that express a sense of expansiveness and power, even while you’re seated, can bolster your resilience. Your body language can surprisingly alter your mindset, enabling a more robust emotional stance. Reframed understanding can revolutionize your feelings about your feelings, promoting a kinder outlook toward yourself.
By developing a deep understanding and mastery over your belief system, and realizing that your physical well-being and mental health often shadow your beliefs, you hold the power to shape your reality by selecting what you believe about the situation. Don’t let ill-founded beliefs paint you as a victim or make you feel unwell.
Next, begin asking meaningful questions to foster emotional resilience. Questions that trigger your self-awareness instead of reinforcing harmful beliefs can lead to improved outcomes. Use this challenging situation as a mirror to learn more about your emotional tendencies.
After this, try to manage your inner dialogue and experiment with positive visualizations. The way you talk to yourself and how you visualize situations significantly affect your emotional response. So create an ideal version of the challenging scenario in your mind, and prepare yourself to handle the situations with grace and effectiveness.
Finally, scrutinize the cycle of your emotional responses to gain control over them. Analyze what precedes the current situation, your behavior, and the resulting consequences. This understanding equips you with strategies to avoid negative outcomes in the future.
Integrating these seven habits into your life can open the door to a transformed reality, one where emotional stability and resilience reign. You’re not at the mercy of your circumstances, like a challenging day at work or a project that’s gone awry. Instead, you’re the master of your emotional world, capable of thriving amid adversity.
Processing Negative Emotions
Say something negative happens in your life. It could be a fight with your spouse, a divorce, losing a promotion at work, a co-worker gossiping about you or failing a class at school. You might feel so hurt, angry or afraid that these negative emotions take over your life. Everybody responds to stress and negativity differently. Some may isolate themselves from friends and eat too much ice cream. Others may lash out by screaming. But successful people are “emotionally resilient,” and they can confront their negative emotions without being overwhelmed.
“Many experts believe that emotional resilience is the #1 key to success – not education and not conventional intelligence.”
Taking control of your negative emotions isn’t the same thing as suppressing them. Suppression is harmful because negative emotions are part of life. Instead of stifling your emotions, develop awareness of them. Learn to “mind the gap” between a stimulus – what just happened – and how you respond to it. People who are emotionally resilient take control of that gap.
“Much of your ability to control your emotions depends on your ability to be aware of all of the complex things going on inside your head.”
Emotionally resilient people have seven basic habits that help give them control over their feelings. To master your emotions, understand and implement these habits:
Habit 1: Respect Your Emotions
Resilient people “acknowledge their emotions, accept responsibility for them and learn to interpret the positive intentions of their emotions.” Wherever you are and whatever you’re feeling, take time out to honor this moment in time. Apply that sensibility to a real-life example. If someone says something mean to you, you might feel hurt or angry. How you respond to those words will depend on factors such as what the person said, your past experiences, your personality, and more. You may get angry and yell instead of acknowledging that you’re hurting.
“Suppressing thoughts and feelings can actually backfire.”
In 2007, the British journal Behaviour Research and Therapy published a study written by Richard Bryant and Fiona Taylor reporting on the effects of “thought suppression” on sleeping dream states. They asked 100 participants to think of an unwanted thought, memory or image from the past. They asked 50 of the participant group to try to suppress that negative thought for five minutes before going to sleep. After examining the participants’ dream journals, the researchers discovered that those who suppressed their thoughts were more likely to dream about the negative experience they were trying to hold back.
“People who are emotionally resilient…use this to their advantage by looking for the positive intention behind the negative emotion they’re feeling.”
You are responsible for your emotions. You can blame other factors, like the heavy traffic during your Monday morning commute, but you alone are responsible for feeling rushed and angry. How you respond to something potentially upsetting is up to you. Recognizing that you’re angry or sad is the first step. Once you’re aware of your negative emotion, look for the “positive intention” that accompanies it. For example, you might become aggressive to protect yourself. Emotionally resilient people find the positive intentions behind their negative emotions.
“While it is possible to use [the power of our beliefs] to our benefit, not all of our beliefs are productive. In fact, we each have certain beliefs that are quite disempowering.”
One of the most powerful examples of emotional resilience comes from Viktor Frankl (1905–1997). In September 1942, Germans took Frankl to a concentration camp. He and millions of other Jewish people suffered cruel treatment at the hands of Nazis. Frankl survived because he knew he couldn’t control or change his circumstances, only his response to them. As he wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl realized that his pain and suffering could be teachers. After gaining his freedom, he gave back to others and became a psychiatrist and neurologist.
Habit 2: Adopt “Power Postures”
Your body language reflects what you’re feeling inside. If you’re sad, your posture will be slumped and droopy; you might frown with your lips curved down or cry. If you’re happy or proud, your shoulders are square and held high as you laugh or smile with your lips curved up.
“Beliefs…which put conditions on your desired emotional states (happiness, excitement, fulfillment, joy)…limit the amount of time you are able to experience that emotion.”
Power postures or poses occur when you take up a lot of space physically, stand or sit up straight with your shoulders back and your feet shoulder-width apart, and breathe deeply for two minutes. Within two minutes of adopting power postures, your testosterone levels increase by 20% and your cortisol levels decrease by 25%. Testosterone is a hormone found in both genders that increases confidence. Cortisol is the hormone that causes stress.
“We actually can choose how we feel, but we can’t do that until we stop letting others control us and accept responsibility for our own emotions.”
Use this physical technique to change your mental outlook. It’s hard to feel sad when you’re smiling. Even if you’re not happy, the small physical change of smiling produces positive effects. Practicing breathing can help you become calmer. Changing your physiology is a lifelong habit that will help you process negative emotions and become more resilient.
Habit 3: Build Your Ability to Focus
You react the way you do because your brain finds meaning in each stimulus response. If you change the meanings you find, you can change your responses – which will produce a different and possibly more positive emotion. Say two people both get fired. One proclaims that his life is over and he can’t possibly find another job as great. The other processes her pain differently. She sees it as a “blessing in disguise” and gives herself permission to try something new, such as switching careers or going back to school.
“Experiment with [your internal] movie controls – brightness, color, focus, association, space and size – and see what reduces and what increases the emotional intensity of the experience.”
What you pay attention to becomes your focus. To assign positive meaning to external events, adjust your focus. Control what you focus on. What you pay the most attention to represents whatever will come into your life. By this logic, if you focus on how great things are, you’ll think life is swell and you’ll notice more positive developments. The reverse is also true. Your focus is “a kind of lens through which you view your life.”
Habit 4: Change Your Beliefs
Resilient people can change or mold their beliefs and they respond to external stimuli in different ways. Your beliefs are so powerful that they affect you physically. For example, take the well-known placebo effect. Patients who take a placebo – a fake or ineffective pill or treatment – often feel better simply because they expect the pill or treatment to make them feel better. Your beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies. If you’re fearful or anxious, you may feel physically sick. If you’re content or happy, you will feel better.
“Less educated, less intelligent people who have mastered the ability to use their emotions rather than being used by them often achieve far more.”
Replace a limiting belief with an empowering one. For example, “I am just a shy person” becomes “I have been confident in the past, which means I’m capable of being confident. I can do so at will as long as I learn how.” Repeat the new belief when the old belief tries to show up. Keep reinforcing your new belief until it becomes automatic. Once you’ve mastered those steps, you will be better equipped to control your emotions.
Habit 5: Use the “Hidden Power of Questions”
Emotionally resilient people understand how to use questions to improve themselves. Be aware that loaded questions set you up for a negative response. These include such questions as, “Why does my boss never respect me? What did I do to deserve this?” and “Why is life so unfair?” Even if these assumptions aren’t true, your brain will seek a response that fits. If you find yourself asking a question with a negative presupposition, make the conscious decision to challenge it.
“When it comes to emotions, your body language tends to reflect the way you’re feeling on the inside.”
Alternative questions include “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I use those lessons to be successful at my new goals?” These alternatives encourage positive thinking and forward momentum rather than self-pity and depression. Developing greater self-awareness leads to greater mastery of your emotions.
Habit 6: Develop Positive “Self-Talk and Inner Movies”
Think back to childhood. Perhaps some pleasant memories come to mind, such as remembering home-cooked meals and good times with friends. Others may be more painful. Some memories may be vivid because you remember them through all five senses: seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing and touching. Emotionally resilient people don’t try to suppress or erase their memories.
“Your emotional response – anger, hurt, fear – holds more control over you than you would like.”
Emotionally, your brain recreates memories through three senses: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. For example, if you’re angry, your brain will see an image in your head associated with that feeling. Your brain also will hear irate phrases that you may internally repeat to yourself. You may possibly sense anger in other people through a feeling, almost like physical touch. Try practicing what your brain sees, hears and touches. If you experiment with your “movie controls,” you can diminish the impact of negative events.
“Allow yourself to acknowledge rather than suppress the emotions that come your way so that you can identify them accurately, learn more about them and eventually even learn to manage them.”
Think of something negative – but not too negative, since this is your first practice exercise. Is your picture in black-and-white or color? Try switching to the opposite format to see if that dampens your emotions. Try adjusting the brightness up or down. Look at the space around the memory. Is it happening near you or far away? Can you push it farther away if it’s too close? What happens if you make the size larger or smaller? Try to manipulate your association with the memory. Pretend it’s on a movie theater screen to gain some distance. Manipulate the focus by making it clearer or blurrier. See how that affects your memory.
“Climb back into the driver’s seat, and put some of these strategies and habits to the test.”
In addition to manipulating images visually, you can learn to manipulate auditory cues. Think about the words you’re hearing. Instead of thinking to yourself, “I’m such an idiot for failing,” use more positive words such as, “I’m glad I made that mistake, because now I’ll never make it again.” You can substitute silly phrases or ideas that make you smile to take the steam out of negative phrases. Try to change the tone of what you hear. Accepting negative messages is harder if they’re spoken in a rude or condescending tone of voice. Practice changing the volume of the negativity. Pretend there’s a mute button, and hit it.
Physical and emotional memories have a kinesthetic aspect. As in the strategies above, you can adjust your kinesthetic memories by changing the “intensity, pressure” and “location” of any sensation. If your memories are intense, think of an imaginary dial you can turn to lower the intensity of negative recollections or to strengthen your view of positive memories. If you feel the pressure or weight of a situation, imagine having a balloon that could relieve the pressure. Examine the location of your memories. Can you move them to a different location either inside of or outside of your body?
Habit 7: Controlling the “ABC Loop”
Resilient people are better able to control their ABC loop. The A stands for antecedent or stimulus; B stands for behavior and C stands for consequence. To see the ABC loop in action, consider author Akash Karia’s experience. As a teenager, he had problems managing his anger and would end up in physical fights at least once a week. The fight would start with some other boy making fun of the size of his nose or saying something that embarrassed him, which made him angry. That was the antecedent. His behavior was to hit the other boy. The consequence was that his teachers would punish him after his anger dissipated. Karia credits pediatric neurosurgeon and US cabinet member Ben Carson’s book Gifted Hands with helping him overcome his anger.
Can you change anger’s antecedent? For example, if you’re dieting, removing chocolate from your house makes sense. If anger management is a problem, instead of clenching your fists, strike an alternative pose or relax your hands and breathe slowly to release tension. If you change the antecedent (stimulus) or actions, you can change and control the emotional consequence.
“Future pacing” is a technique for controlling emotional reactions that involves “stepping into the future and visualizing a new ABC pattern.” The strategy lets your brain create different neural pathways that will help you handle the “offending antecedent” more effectively if and when it arises again. Many athletes mentally visualize themselves succeeding before they perform physical tasks. For example, boxing legend Muhammad Ali would see himself as victorious before he even stepped into the ring.
Angie LeVan, a resilience coach who worked with the US Army, researched the brain patterns of weight lifters. She discovered that “mental practices” can have the same uplifting power as physical activities and that the two combined are more effective than either on its own.
Emotional resilience, or the ability to navigate life’s challenges, is built not by suppressing but by understanding and managing one’s emotions. It starts with acknowledging and accepting feelings, and letting physical posture influence our emotional state.
Emotionally resilient people often find positives in negative situations, viewing them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement, while acknowledging that belief systems shape their realities and influence emotional responses. They ask themselves meaningful questions that can lead to self-awareness and more clarity. They also manage their inner dialogue and practice positive visualization to improve emotional resilience.
Finally, understanding the sequence of emotional responses allows anyone to manage these reactions better. Practiced together, these habits can empower anyone to confront life’s challenges with greater resilience and optimism.
About the Author
Akash Karia is a speaker and peak performance coach who specializes in resilience training. He has trained more than 80,000 people around the world.
Psychology, Personal Development, Career Success
Here is a summary and review of the book [Emotional Habits: 7 Things Resilient People Do Differently (And How They Can Help You Succeed in Business and Life)] by [Akash Karia]:
The book is a self-help guide that aims to help readers develop emotional resilience, which is the ability to cope with stress, adversity, and negative emotions. The author, Akash Karia, is a peak performance coach and a bestselling author who has studied the habits and mindsets of successful people. He argues that emotional resilience is the key factor that determines success and well-being in life, more than intelligence or education. He also claims that emotional resilience is a skill that can be learned and improved through practice.
The book consists of seven chapters, each focusing on one habit that resilient people do differently than others. These habits are:
- Habit 1: They Accept What They Cannot Change. Resilient people do not waste time and energy on things that are beyond their control, such as the past, other people’s opinions, or random events. Instead, they focus on what they can control, such as their actions, attitudes, and responses. They also practice gratitude for what they have and learn from their mistakes.
- Habit 2: They Challenge Their Negative Self-Talk. Resilient people do not let their inner critic sabotage their confidence and motivation. They recognize that their thoughts are not facts, but interpretations that can be changed. They use positive affirmations, reframing techniques, and evidence-based arguments to challenge their negative self-talk and replace it with more empowering and realistic messages.
- Habit 3: They Ask Better Questions. Resilient people do not ask themselves disempowering questions, such as “Why me?” or “What’s wrong with me?” These questions only lead to self-pity, blame, and victimhood. Instead, they ask themselves empowering questions, such as “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I grow from this?” These questions lead to curiosity, learning, and growth.
- Habit 4: They Use Stress as a Catalyst for Growth. Resilient people do not view stress as a threat, but as a challenge and an opportunity. They understand that stress is inevitable and necessary for achieving their goals and improving their skills. They also know how to manage their stress levels by using relaxation techniques, physical exercise, social support, and humor.
- Habit 5: They Seek Out Support. Resilient people do not isolate themselves or try to cope with everything alone. They realize that they need the help and guidance of others to overcome their challenges and achieve their goals. They seek out mentors, coaches, friends, family members, or professional counselors who can offer them advice, feedback, encouragement, or empathy.
- Habit 6: They Take Action. Resilient people do not procrastinate or avoid facing their problems. They take action to solve their problems or pursue their goals, even if they feel afraid or uncertain. They break down their tasks into manageable steps and celebrate their progress along the way. They also adapt to changing circumstances and learn from feedback.
- Habit 7: They Cultivate a Growth Mindset. Resilient people do not have a fixed mindset that believes that their abilities and talents are innate and unchangeable. They have a growth mindset that believes that they can improve their abilities and talents through effort and learning. They embrace challenges as opportunities to grow and learn new skills. They also appreciate the success of others and seek to learn from them.
The book is an easy-to-read and practical guide that offers valuable insights and tips on how to develop emotional resilience. The author draws on scientific research, personal stories, and examples from successful people to illustrate his points and provide evidence for his claims. The book also includes exercises at the end of each chapter that help readers apply the habits to their own lives.
The book is suitable for anyone who wants to improve their emotional resilience and achieve greater success and well-being in life. The book is especially relevant for those who face stress, adversity, or negative emotions on a regular basis, such as entrepreneurs, leaders, athletes, students, or professionals.
The book is not without its flaws, however. Some of the habits may seem obvious or common-sense to some readers, such as accepting what you cannot change or seeking out support. Some of the exercises may also seem repetitive or simplistic to some readers, such as writing down positive affirmations or asking yourself empowering questions. Moreover, some of the examples may not be relatable or inspiring to some readers, such as those from celebrities or sports stars.
Overall, the book is a useful and inspiring resource that can help readers develop emotional resilience and achieve their goals in life. The book is concise and accessible, yet informative and comprehensive. The book is worth reading for anyone who wants to learn how to cope with stress, adversity, and negative emotions in a more effective and positive way.