Summary to ADHD for Smart Ass Women by Tracy Otsuka

How to Fall In Love With Your Neurodivergent Brain. Dive into “ADHD for Smart Ass Women” and discover how to harness your neurodivergent brain’s innate creativity, focus, and empathy. Tracy Otsuka’s groundbreaking book offers life-changing insights and tools for women with ADHD, turning perceived weaknesses into celebrated strengths.

Ready to redefine your ADHD experience? Keep reading to unlock the secrets to thriving with a neurodivergent mind and turning your unique challenges into remarkable assets.

Genres

Self-help, Personal Development, Women’s Health, Psychology, Neuroscience, Empowerment, Motivational, Educational, Biographical, Inspirational, Nutrition

Introduction: Living your best life with ADHD

ADHD for Smart Ass Women (2023) aims to help neurodivergent women understand themselves. By learning about the condition and using specific strategies, women with ADHD – or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – can improve their lives.

As a child, you felt different. Maybe you struggled to pay attention in class, and often found yourself fidgeting or daydreaming.

Now, as an adult, you might tend to lose track of plans. Or perhaps you struggle to complete everyday tasks, leaving tasks to the last minute. You overthink things, and sometimes feel overwhelmed.

Many women go through life experiencing this, only to eventually discover that the root cause is ADHD – or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Tracy Otsuka was diagnosed with the condition in adulthood, following the diagnosis of her son. This is an all-too common scenario. For reasons we’ll explore, ADHD in women often goes unrecognized.

After she was diagnosed, Otsuka became a certified ADHD coach, with the intention of helping women who have experienced similar struggles to her. Because while people with ADHD can be vibrant, creative and spontaneous, the condition is not without its challenges. From daily tasks to romantic relationships, life with ADHD can be a little more … well, complex.

But with better understanding of the condition, and some practical tools and techniques, women with ADHD can live a rich, fulfilling life.

So, get ready to embark on a journey of discovery, understanding, and empowerment. It’s time to understand your brain.

Women with ADHD face unique challenges

Despite classic signs in her childhood, Danielle didn’t realize she had ADHD until she was 32. When she was young, she struggled to sit still and talked non-stop, even getting the hurtful nickname “rattletrap” from her teacher. These signs were overlooked for a long time.

Many women share Danielle’s experience, showing clear ADHD symptoms in childhood but only understanding their condition much later on. Often feeling different, they go through life battling shame, confusion, and low self-worth.

Some women only discover they have ADHD when they become parents, and their children –  usually male – are diagnosed with the condition.

A major reason why ADHD is often missed in women is due to the way it was initially diagnosed. Early criteria were based on studies of hyperactive boys. This led to stereotypes that don’t match how ADHD often appears in women.

Instead of the “hyperactive” or “impulsive” type more common in men, many women show “inattentive” ADHD signs, like being shy, forgetful, or distracted.

Take Triin, for instance. She was a well-behaved, quiet girl at school – not disruptive at all. But she was often distracted, daydreaming at the back of the class instead of listening to the teacher. Traits like being dreamy or withdrawn may not seem like obvious signs of ADHD, so Triin didn’t get diagnosed until she was 41.

In addition, many women internalize their ADHD, hiding their struggles. This can severely affect their mental health, causing low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

If you think you might have ADHD but haven’t been diagnosed, it’s important to seek expert help. Identify a specialist in ADHD, especially one who understands women’s experiences.

Then prepare for your appointment by making a list of your symptoms, so you’re ready to argue your case. If you feel sure about your ADHD but aren’t taken seriously, trust yourself and consider getting a second opinion. Receiving an accurate diagnosis can be incredibly healing. And it’s a crucial step towards positive life changes.

In the next sections, we’ll look at some common issues that women with ADHD struggle with, from overthinking to conflict in relationships. While these problems can seem overwhelming at times, there are some simple, practical ways to deal with them.

Overthinking

A common challenge for people with ADHD is overthinking. It’s something that particularly affects women, as their hyperactivity tends to manifest through thoughts, rather than physically.

Do you ever find yourself getting stuck in a mental loop, constantly rehashing things?

If you have ADHD, your brain is literally wired differently, so it’s no wonder you’re prone to overthinking. For those with ADHD, the connection between two parts of the brain – the default mode network, or DMN, and the task positive network, or TPN – works a little differently.

If that sounds a little too science-y, bear with us. It’s worth taking the time to understand your brain, so you can better support yourself.

Basically, when your DMN is active, you’re spending more time thinking creatively – great! – but also overthinking … which is not so great. Your ADHD brain struggles to switch from DMN to TPN, the part of your brain which is more focused on the here-and-now.

To stop overthinking, you need to get out of the DMN, and back to the TPN. Thankfully, there are ways to escape this mental loop. One of the best things you can do is get involved in activities that demand your full attention.

Take a walk, go to the gym, read a book – something that really interests you – or call a friend. Activities like these can help shift your focus from the chaos of your thoughts to what’s happening right now.

Breathing techniques are also effective. Here’s one you can try – the 4-7-8 breathing method.

Simply breathe in through your nose for four seconds … hold your breath for seven seconds … then exhale slowly through your mouth for eight seconds …

Doing this repeatedly will calm your mind and bring you a sense of peace.

These approaches aren’t just good for stopping overthinking. They’re also great when you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed  – a common scenario for women with ADHD.

Social and cultural pressures often add to this. Many women face criticism for their drifting attention in many areas of their lives – at school, at home, or in the workplace – leading to self-doubt. Naturally, if you feel like you can’t trust yourself or your intuition, you can easily become overwhelmed.

If you find yourself feeling swamped, think back to the techniques we’ve explored. Deep breathing, enjoying nature, or getting some exercise can do wonders to calm your thoughts and balance your emotions. These strategies are empowering too. They’ll help you better manage your ADHD and feel more in control.

That’s the important thing to remember – when you’re dealing with your thoughts and emotions, you do have control. You’ve got this!

Procrastination

At one time or another, we all feel that life’s a bit too full on. Perhaps you sometimes feel like you’re swamped by day-to-day tasks – you can’t face the prospect of cleaning the kitchen, or doing your taxes, so you just don’t.

For people with ADHD, focusing on routine, repetitive tasks can be tough. At times, these tasks just don’t hold your interest, leading to a wandering focus and a tendency to procrastinate.

It’s important to remember that this tendency isn’t about being lazy or not smart enough. As we’ve explored, ADHD affects the brain, particularly the executive functions like planning and managing time.

Adopting a strategic approach will make life easier, though usual tactics, like setting deadlines, might not always help. They can sometimes increase your stress levels, making you feel like you’re setting yourself up to fail. Instead, a step-by-step plan can be a game changer.

Let’s have a look at the plan Otsuka teaches all her clients. It’s really effective.

The first step is to figure out why you’re doing a particular task. Ask yourself why it’s important, and if it’s in line with your goals and values. If so, great. But if not, try to see it differently – reframe it to find its value.

For example, maybe you don’t really want to clean the kitchen. It might not seem that important. But think about it another way – perhaps a messy kitchen will prevent you from feeling relaxed, or have a negative effect on your productivity. Focusing on that might motivate you more.

Next, the second step – think back to a time when you nailed a boring task. How did you do it? Maybe you had a friend around, working alongside you. Or maybe some background noise like music or a TV show helped. If it worked once, it might just work again.

The third step is to use your ADHD strengths. A lot of people with ADHD can focus deeply on things they find interesting. So, if you’re into something like science, why not listen to a science podcast while doing the dishes? This can keep you focused and engaged, even when the task itself isn’t exciting.

Lastly, try simplifying things. Break down the task into smaller parts. Instead of looking at a big task like cleaning the entire kitchen, start with something smaller, like unloading the dishwasher. Then, move on to the next bit, like wiping down the counters. This approach can make the task seem more doable.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed and tempted to procrastinate, try those steps. Before we move on, let’s sum them up quickly.

First, identify why you’re doing something. Then, remember a time in the past when a boring task felt doable. Next, use your ADHD strengths to make things easier. And finally, find a way to simplify the task.

The trick is to tackle tasks differently, to fit the unique way your ADHD mind works. Once you know how to do that, you’ll find yourself procrastinating less often.

Relationship issues

Having ADHD might make some aspects of life challenging but there are positives to the condition too. People with ADHD can be fun, creative and spontaneous, which makes them attractive to others. And when they’re excited about an idea, they make it happen.

Otsuka herself is a good example. When she had been dating her boyfriend for just six months, she proposed to him. She hired a plane to fly over the beach, with a banner that read: “Rich, marry me!”

And when it came to the wedding, she was just as inventive and driven, taking care of every detail.

In relationships, people with ADHD bring invaluable qualities like empathy and curiosity. You should celebrate these traits, and be proud of who you are.

However, it’s also true that ADHD can bring certain complexities to relationships. Traits such as being easily distracted, inattentive, hyperactive, or impulsive can sometimes make interactions tricky. This might mean forgetting commitments, or important dates like birthdays or anniversaries, which can understandably upset friends and family who might feel overlooked.

When it comes to romantic relationships, research shows that people with ADHD might face more conflicts, and have a higher chance of divorce than those without the condition. A common pattern is a “parent-child” dynamic, where the person without ADHD ends up taking a more controlling role, essentially supervising their partner. This can create tension and dissatisfaction.

The key to managing these challenges is knowledge. It’s important for the person with ADHD to understand their condition thoroughly. Knowing how ADHD traits can affect a relationship, and empathizing with their partner’s perspective, can be eye-opening.

It’s equally helpful for the partner to learn about ADHD. For example, when Sandra was diagnosed, her husband made an effort to understand ADHD by reading a book on the subject. This helped him see that her actions weren’t intended to upset him, they were just part of her condition.

Still, it’s worth acknowledging that people with ADHD can be a little argumentative.

If you find yourself getting worked up, take a step back and ask yourself – what’s your aim? Is it more important to be “right” and win the argument, or to feel connected to your partner? Thinking about your intentions can help reduce the level of conflict in a relationship.

Finally, remember that a relationship should make you feel loved and accepted. Women with ADHD, who may struggle with memory issues or self-doubt, can be more vulnerable to gaslighting – when a partner makes them question their own thoughts and feelings.

In these situations, it’s crucial to trust your instincts and pay attention to how you feel in the relationship. Everyone deserves to be in a partnership where they’re appreciated and loved for who they are. And that includes you, just as you are.

Conclusion

ADHD in women often goes unrecognized until later in life, which can amplify the challenges they face and erode their self-esteem.

Having a diagnosis and learning more about ADHD can help you to understand your condition and improve various aspects of your life, from your relationships to daily chores. For example, if you struggle with procrastination, try Otsuka’s four-step plan to make tasks more manageable.

While the condition can be frustrating, women with ADHD should embrace their unique strengths and qualities. Being neurodivergent doesn’t have to hold you back in life. In fact, ADHD brings with it wonderful gifts, like creativity, determination, and empathy.

Here’s some actionable advice you might like to try to support yourself.

Use an analog clock:

People with ADHD often struggle with time management. You may find it helpful to see time passing, in order to manage it better. Try using an analog clock – one with hands – so you can see the seconds tick by and stay on schedule.

About the Author

Tracy Otsuka