“Ask” by Jeff Wetzler is a groundbreaking book that unveils the hidden wisdom surrounding you, empowering leaders to achieve remarkable breakthroughs in both their professional and personal lives. Prepare to embark on a transformative journey as Wetzler guides you through the art of tapping into the invaluable insights of those around you.
Discover the untapped potential within your network and revolutionize your leadership approach. Keep reading to learn how “Ask” can help you unlock the door to unexpected breakthroughs and elevate your leadership to new heights.
Table of Contents
Genres
Communication Skills, Personal Development, Management, Leadership, Self-help, Business, Psychology, Networking, Entrepreneurship, Success, Wisdom
In “Ask,” Jeff Wetzler presents a compelling case for the power of seeking wisdom from the people around us. He argues that by actively engaging with others and asking the right questions, leaders can gain invaluable insights and perspectives that lead to breakthrough ideas and solutions.
Wetzler provides a framework for effective communication and offers practical strategies for leveraging the knowledge and experiences of colleagues, mentors, and even strangers. Through real-life examples and anecdotes, he demonstrates how asking the right questions can unlock hidden potential, foster innovation, and drive personal and professional growth.
“Ask” challenges readers to shift their mindset from one of self-reliance to one of collaboration and openness, emphasizing the importance of building strong relationships and creating a culture of curiosity and continuous learning.
Review
Jeff Wetzler’s “Ask” is a refreshing and thought-provoking book that challenges conventional leadership wisdom. Wetzler’s engaging writing style and practical insights make the book accessible and actionable for readers at all levels of leadership.
The author’s emphasis on the power of asking questions and seeking diverse perspectives is particularly relevant in today’s complex and rapidly changing business environment. Wetzler’s framework for effective communication and his strategies for building strong relationships provide a solid foundation for leaders looking to tap into the wisdom of those around them.
The book’s real-life examples and anecdotes bring the concepts to life and demonstrate the transformative potential of asking the right questions. While some of the ideas may not be entirely novel, Wetzler’s unique perspective and clear, concise presentation make “Ask” a valuable addition to any leader’s library.
Overall, “Ask” is a must-read for anyone seeking to unlock the hidden wisdom within their network and achieve breakthrough results in their leadership and life.
Introduction: Discover unspoken truths using the ask approach
Ask (2024) equips you with a practical method for uncovering others’ genuine thoughts and emotions, fostering smarter decisions and deeper connections. By addressing common communication barriers and providing essential questioning techniques, it empowers you to tap into people’s authentic perspectives effectively.
Do you ever wonder what’s left unsaid in your conversations? You know – those unspoken truths that could change everything if only they were shared? In the world of communication, understanding what’s hidden beneath the surface can be the key to unlocking deeper connections and better outcomes.
In this Blink, you’ll learn about the power of uncovering unspoken thoughts and feelings in communication. From revealing hidden insights to fostering open dialogue, this summary dives into the importance of understanding what lies beneath the surface of everyday interactions. So, are you ready to discover the secrets that could transform your conversations?
Revealing unspoken truths in communication
Have you ever been the last to know something critical that others around you knew but didn’t share? This frustrating scenario often arises because people withhold essential information. In many interactions, individuals keep their true thoughts and feelings hidden, creating what organizational expert Chris Argyris calls the “left-hand column.” Argyris, a professor at Harvard, developed this concept to help uncover the gap between what is said and what is truly felt. The “left-hand column” method involves writing down unspoken thoughts alongside actual spoken dialogue, revealing hidden insights that can include struggles and the help needed, genuine opinions on issues, honest feedback, and bold ideas that might seem impractical.
Jeff Wetzler, the author, once faced a crisis with a training program just before it began. Despite regular updates from the team, significant problems weren’t communicated until it was almost too late. The program was saved by a dedicated team member who stepped up, highlighting how essential information was withheld until a crisis emerged. This situation illustrates a common issue: important information is often not shared openly. The “left-hand column” method helps address this problem, often revealing the gap between what’s said and what’s truly felt, uncovering hidden insights that can lead to better understanding and problem-solving.
Consider the example of a manager who hired an experienced project manager. Initially, the new hire performed well, but soon began missing deadlines. In a meeting, the manager addressed these issues, but the new hire’s unspoken thoughts revealed deeper problems within the organization, such as inefficiencies and overwhelming workloads. The manager, unaware of these underlying issues, believed the conversation resolved the problem, while the new hire felt misunderstood and overwhelmed.
These communication gaps aren’t limited to workplaces; they occur in all types of relationships. People often withhold critical information due to fear, power dynamics, or reluctance to confront difficult truths. Encouraging open dialogue can transform interactions, leading to better outcomes and stronger connections.
By fostering an environment where people feel safe to share their true thoughts, you can uncover valuable insights that enhance decisions, solutions, relationships, and overall effectiveness.
Why people withhold information
Understanding why people often withhold important information requires you to develop empathy and awareness of the barriers that prevent them from speaking up – so let’s look at what those are.
First, people worry about the negative impact their words might have. They fear causing embarrassment, hurt, or tension, which leads them to remain silent to avoid these outcomes. Even in trusting relationships, the stakes can feel higher, making it harder to share honest feedback.
Another barrier is the challenge of articulating thoughts clearly. The brain processes thoughts much faster than a person can speak, leading to an incomplete expression of ideas. Many also lack the skills to communicate sensitive information effectively, fearing their words might be misunderstood or dismissed. Societal norms often value traditional forms of communication over emotional or intuitive expressions, leading people to withhold valuable insights.
Time and energy constraints also play a role. Busy schedules and emotional exhaustion can make it difficult for people to find the capacity to share their thoughts. Burnout, stress, and overwhelming responsibilities contribute to a reluctance to engage in potentially taxing conversations.
Lastly, people often feel that their input isn’t valued. Past experiences of being ignored or dismissed can discourage future sharing. Cultural messages about who is considered knowledgeable or valuable further reinforce this belief, leading to a lack of confidence in people’s contributions. Overcoming these barriers requires creating a safe, encouraging environment and the demonstration of genuine interest in others’ perspectives.
Many of these barriers can be overcome simply by asking. Asking questions shows interest, provides encouragement, and allows people to share thoughts they might not otherwise express. Some barriers need more than just questions; they require safety, personal connection, patient follow-up, and thoughtful listening. These conditions are part of what Wetzler calls the ask approach. This method fosters significant learning, growth, and connection during conversations. You just need the right set of tools, which you’ll learn more about in the coming sections.
Powering up your curiosity
The most effective way to understand what others think, feel, and know is to ask them directly. In the rest of this Blink, you’ll find out how to do this using the five-step ask approach. These steps foster learning and deeper connections, leading to smarter decisions and more creative solutions. This approach isn’t a rigid recipe but a set of practices for meaningful human connection, requiring your judgment for application. In some instances you may need several conversations or to revisit steps, as real-life relationships are complex. The goal is to learn and connect, so approach each relationship with curiosity and adapt the method as needed. Now, let’s explore the steps in detail.
First up: curiosity.
You can awaken your curiosity by challenging your assumptions and striving to understand others deeply. Choosing to be curious means intentionally seeking out new information and perspectives. Loosen the grip on your own beliefs and be open to learning from others. A useful tool for this is the “ladder of understanding,” which helps you recognize when you’ve jumped to conclusions and encourages you to ask questions at each step.
To use the ladder of understanding, first recognize that there’s a vast pool of information available in any situation. From this pool, identify the specific information you’re selecting and consider what additional information might be missing, such as others’ motives, desires, and the situation’s impact on them. Examine how you interpret the selected information and the story you tell yourself based on that interpretation. Reflect on how this story affects your relationship with the situation and how other people can provide deeper insights. Finally, explore alternative interpretations and stories to broaden your understanding.
Surrounding yourself with diverse perspectives is essential. Engage with people who challenge your assumptions to broaden your understanding and foster curiosity. But watch out for the curiosity killers. Emotional hijacking, in which strong emotions like fear, anger, or anxiety stifle curiosity, can be addressed by using these emotions as cues to pause and become more curious about their origins and implications. The pressure for speed and efficiency can hinder curiosity, so help create space for curiosity by slowing down, taking deep breaths, and removing unnecessary tasks from your schedule. Groupthink, in which homogenous thinking environments limit curiosity, can be countered by seeking out new or differing points of view to challenge and expand your understanding.
By choosing curiosity, you can unlock new possibilities, foster deeper connections, and address complex situations more effectively.
Creating a safe space
Safety is the second step of the ask approach, and involves creating a strong connection, opening up, and demonstrating resilience. To make it easier for people to tell you hard things, focus on making it safe for them to share openly.
Begin by creating a genuine connection. Learn about others beyond superficial details – find out why they chose their career paths or what drives them. Share your own stories and vulnerabilities to show that you’re approachable and human. Consider the setting for your conversations, too. Choose spaces that feel comfortable and neutral, avoiding places that highlight power imbalances. Taking a walk can be a great alternative.
Timing is also important. Allow ample, uninterrupted time for these conversations, and choose moments when both parties can focus fully. Adapt to the communication style that suits the other person best, whether it’s face-to-face, over the phone, or through written messages. Be open about your reasons for asking questions, showing that your intentions are genuine and not manipulative. Admit your own uncertainties and limitations, and express your need to learn from their perspective. Additionally, make space for their interests by creating a mutual agenda, ensuring that their priorities are also addressed.
Finally, demonstrate that you can handle their honest feedback, even if it’s critical or uncomfortable. Explicitly ask for their views, especially those that differ from your own, and take responsibility for your reactions. Show resilience by welcoming their input and making it clear that their honesty won’t have negative repercussions. By fostering this kind of open, trusting environment, you encourage candid communication and create more meaningful and productive interactions.
Asking the right questions
To make the most of the wisdom around you, focus on asking the right questions. This step involves asking quality questions, which are designed to help you learn from others. Avoid questions that shut down inquiry, manipulate, or put others on the defensive. Some questions may unintentionally prevent learning by being poorly phrased, such as those that are rhetorical or closed-ended. Others may be designed to influence or steer the conversation in a self-serving way. Some questions can come across as offensive or accusatory, putting the other person on the defensive and hindering open dialogue.
Instead, aim to ask quality questions designed to help you learn from others. These questions should be clear, direct, and genuine, encouraging honest sharing.
Quality questions can help you explore the other person’s thought process, or their “ladder of understanding.” Start by asking them to share their “headline” – in other words, their main conclusion or position on a topic. From there, dig deeper to understand what lies beneath their headline, uncovering the reasons and emotions behind their thoughts.
It’s also important to see what they see. This means understanding the information and experiences they draw from, which might be different from your own. By doing this, you can gain a fuller picture of their perspective.
When seeking feedback or ideas, ask questions that invite thoughtful responses. Request feedback on your actions and ideas, and be open to hearing about any flaws in your thinking. Phrasing your questions in a way that encourages honest, constructive criticism will help you improve and grow.
The key to tapping into the wisdom of those around you lies in asking the right kind of questions – questions that are open, sincere, and aimed at truly understanding and learning from the other person.
Developing deep listening skills
To truly understand and connect with others, you need to develop the skill of listening to learn. Begin by setting the intention to listen without the goal of fixing, advising, or persuading. This allows you to understand the other person’s perspective genuinely.
You should learn to listen through three channels simultaneously. First, pay attention to the content, which includes the facts and claims being shared. Second, tune into the emotions, noticing the feelings, needs, and desires behind the words. Finally, consider the actions, understanding the intentions and goals motivating the speaker.
Eliminate distractions: turn off your phone, close your email, and focus entirely on the person in front of you. Put aside your internal judgments, fears, and reactions for the moment, as they can be addressed later. This helps you remain present and fully engaged in the conversation.
When the other person is speaking, resist the urge to interrupt or fill in quiet pauses. Allow silence to create space for deeper reflection and sharing. Pay attention to your facial expressions and body language, as these can greatly influence how safe and comfortable the other person feels in sharing their thoughts.
To ensure you understand correctly, practice paraphrasing what you’ve heard and ask for confirmation. This involves repeating back what you think the other person is saying and checking whether your understanding is accurate. This not only demonstrates that you are listening but also invites further clarification and sharing.
Keep the conversation going by asking follow-up questions. Phrases like “What else?” or “Can you tell me more about that?” encourage the other person to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Often, the most significant insights emerge toward the end of the conversation.
Respect the boundaries of the other person’s sharing. If they seem reluctant to share more, acknowledge their limits and let them know you are open to hearing more whenever they feel ready. This creates a safe environment for future conversations.
Finally, check in with the other person about how they experienced the interaction. Ask what worked or didn’t work for them and what could make future conversations easier or more productive. This helps to address any misunderstandings and improves the quality of your interactions over time.
By applying these principles, you can enhance your listening skills, fostering deeper connections and understanding in your relationships.
Reflecting and Reconnecting
To effectively transform conversations into actionable steps, carefully process what you’ve heard from others. This is the fifth step of the ask approach: to reflect and reconnect.
Begin by sifting through the information to discern what is worth deeper reflection. Not all feedback will be useful, so it’s important to differentiate between valuable insights and those that might be counterproductive. Sharing what you’ve heard with a trusted friend can provide additional perspective and help you decide what to focus on.
Next, engage in a structured reflection using three turns. First, consider how the feedback affects the story you’ve been telling yourself about the situation. Reflect on whether it challenges or confirms your current understanding. Second, think about the steps you can take based on this new perspective. Determine actionable changes or decisions that align with the insights you’ve gained. Third, delve into your deeper assumptions, biases, and worldviews to understand how the feedback relates to your core beliefs and ways of being. This deeper level of reflection can lead to significant personal growth and better future responses.
After reflecting, reconnect with the person who provided the feedback. Start by expressing gratitude for their input and the qualities they demonstrated in sharing it. Communicate clearly how their feedback has affected you, and outline your plans to act on it. If you decide not to follow their advice, explain your reasoning and invite further discussion. This transparency helps maintain a positive and open relationship.
Incorporating reflective practices such as journaling, coaching, therapy, or conversations with trusted partners can further support your reflective process. These practices provide additional structure and clarity, helping you turn thoughtful feedback into meaningful action and ongoing learning.
Conclusion
The main takeaways of this Blink to Ask by Jeff Wetzler are insights into improving communication, as well as the ask approach, which consists of five essential steps.
First, curiosity involves challenging assumptions and seeking to understand others deeply. Use the “ladder of understanding” to recognize gaps in information and broaden your perspective. Second, create a safe space by building genuine connections and choosing comfortable settings. Third, asking the right quality questions that encourage learning and honest sharing. Avoid questions that shut down inquiry or manipulate responses. Fourth, deep listening skills require you to pay attention to content, emotions, and actions. Eliminate distractions, allow for silence, and paraphrase to ensure understanding. Finally, reflect and reconnect to turn conversations into actionable steps. Reflect on feedback, distinguish valuable insights, and reconnect with gratitude and transparency.
By applying these steps, you can improve communication, foster deeper connections, and attain better problem-solving and decision-making.