Why Are You So Exhausted? How Choosing ‘Present Over Perfect’ Can Heal Your Burnout

Is Your Busy Life Making You Miserable? What Does a ‘Soulful Way of Living’ Actually Look Like?

Discover Shauna Niequist’s journey from frantic busyness to peace in Present Over Perfect. Learn why saying ‘no’ is a spiritual practice, how to trade perfectionism for connection, and simple steps to reclaim your life from the pressure of constant striving.

Stop racing through your own life—read the full summary below to learn the simple daily habits that will help you finally breathe again.

Genres

Mindfulness, Happiness, Personal Development, Religion, Spirituality

Stop striving for perfection and live in the present

Present Over Perfect (2016) is about Shauna Niequist’s journey from a life of constant striving and perfectionism to one of peace, simplicity, and connection. It explores her process of letting go of external expectations of perfection and embracing a more authentic, present way of living.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the weight of your own life, longing for a break from the relentless pace? The author, Shauna Niequist, experienced such a breaking point. Despite enjoying a successful career and a loving family, she found herself exhausted and disconnected. Her health was declining, and she felt deeply discontented. In a moment of clarity, she recognized the need for a significant change in her life. She decided to stop striving for perfection and instead focus on what truly mattered: peace, connection, and presence.

Niequist’s transformation wasn’t about making superficial adjustments. It involved profound internal changes, learning to rest, connect, and live with intention. She sought guidance from counselors and spiritual directors, embraced moments of stillness, and completely reoriented her approach to life. Through this process, she discovered a way of living filled with grace, love, and genuine connections.

In this summary to Present Over Perfect, you’re invited to step away from the hustle, embrace simplicity, and find a more soulful way of living. Are you ready to discover a life enriched with grace, meaning, and deep connection? Then, welcome to a new way of living.

Finding clarity through life changes

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the constant busyness of life?

Shauna Niequist found herself on the porch of a lakeside house, a family retreat on the shores of Lake Michigan, contemplating just that amid the sounds of waves and wind. This setting, deeply connected to her family history, became the backdrop for her realization that her way of living needed to change. She’d been living frantically, disconnected from herself and those she loved, and recognized the need for a transformation. This awareness came through life-altering moments marked by loss or dramatic shifts, such as being fired from a job and the exhaustion of constant multitasking. These moments, which she calls sea-changes, broke her life into pieces, forcing her to rebuild in healthier ways.

One of the most significant shifts came when she learned the power of saying no. After years of saying yes to everything and everyone, Niequist realized this habit had drained her and left her life shallow and frantic. The word no became a tool for her to reclaim her life, allowing her to stop and reconsider what truly mattered. Though difficult at first, this newfound ability to set boundaries led to honesty and freedom. It also attracted supportive friends who valued her growth, helping her continue on this new path.

Spending time at the lake, she found that stillness and reflection were essential for her transformation. The natural rhythms of lake life taught her to slow down and appreciate quiet moments. These periods of rest and connection with nature have allowed Niequist to reset her priorities and recognize beauty in a simpler, more intentional way of living.

This change brought the sense of joy and connection Niequist had been seeking. She’s learned to listen to her needs and desires, trusting that her well-being is just as important as her productivity.

Niequist’s experiences encourage us to consider similar changes in our lives. How might your life benefit from similar transformations which could lead to a more peaceful and connected existence?

Achieving mental well-being through stillness

Niequist’s mind is always racing. Although beneficial in intellectual pursuits, it can lead to over-analysis and self-criticism. This inner turbulence sometimes manifests as a deep self-hatred, creating a darkness that affects her well-being and relationships.

A family trip to Hawaii presented a significant turning point for her. In Kauai, while snorkeling at Tunnels Beach with her child, she experienced a stark contrast between the stunning surroundings and her internal struggle. Holding her child’s hand, she also felt intense self-hatred, which prompted a realization that something needed to change. This led her to seek help, talk to close friends, and delve deeper into understanding the root of these feelings.

Stillness and silence are important in achieving mental and emotional well-being. Niequist had had a lifelong aversion to silence, always seeking to fill the void with noise and activity. But she now understands that true healing and grounding happen in stillness. Silence allows her to confront and understand her feelings, leading to inner transformation. The once terrifying silence has become a place of safety and clarity, allowing her to feel more present and connected.

Niequist believes that her love for noise and activity served as a shield, protecting her from the pain and chaos of life. But embracing stillness helps her appreciate the beauty in everyday life, from the rhythm of daily activities to quiet moments of introspection. It’s important to let go of distractions and find joy in the simplicity of the present moment.

Ultimately, Niequist’s reflections underscore the importance of authentic living, slowing down, and embracing stillness. By confronting inner darkness and appreciating small moments of beauty, you can achieve a deeper sense of clarity and purpose, leading to a more fulfilled and peaceful life.

Being present, not perfect, through authentic living

Have you ever felt like you were living someone else’s life, following a path that didn’t truly belong to you? The concept of agency, which addresses this very feeling, can be defined as owning your life and making choices that align with your true self.

There’s a stark contrast between men and women in this regard. While men are often encouraged to assert their desires and goals, women frequently struggle to claim this authority. This struggle stems from cultural conditioning that has historically silenced women’s voices. Niequist encourages you to reject predefined roles and, instead, discover what you genuinely love and who you truly are. Her realization of her own personal authority required her to let go of societal expectations and embrace a life that felt congruent with her unique design and calling.

A poignant story from Niequist’s life illustrates the power of authenticity. An offer of an enticing opportunity initially filled her with excitement – but that quickly turned into anxiety. She was feeling inner turmoil that led her to pause and reflect. Her husband also shared his concern about the impact this opportunity could have on their family. The turning point came during a conversation with friends, when she learned about a man dying of cancer who recorded wedding toasts for his children’s future weddings, knowing he wouldn’t be there. This powerful image of a man staying true to what mattered most in his final days helped her realize that her energy and presence should be devoted to her family rather than external expectations.

Another story from her life illustrates one of her central messages: the value of being present over perfect. One Christmas, while surrounded by a chaotic mess of wrapping paper, unfolded laundry, and half-eaten cookies, she found herself overwhelmed by the need to create a perfect holiday. Her mind raced with tasks, overshadowing her ability to enjoy the moment. In that instant, she realized that her desire for perfection was causing her to miss out on the actual, messy beauty of her life. She chose to embrace the imperfection, recognizing that true beauty and meaning lie in being present with loved ones and connecting deeply with those around her.

The relentless pursuit of perfection can be isolating. There’s richness in imperfection, in moments that are real and unpolished. Reject the myth that worth is tied to achievement and understand that inherent value comes from who you actually are. Appreciate the here and now. Take control of your life and make choices that align with your personal values. Cherish the present rather than chase perfection.

Fostering contentment by learning from envy

In life, faith and risk-taking are essential for personal growth and development. Let’s revisit a familiar story with fresh eyes: the biblical account of Peter walking on water. Initially, you might focus on Peter’s failure and the reprimand he received. But, looking closer, you can see that rescue and compassion came first. Jesus reached out to save Peter before any critical words. Such a shift in perspective can help you see mistakes as opportunities for learning, not condemnation. Step out into new challenges with the assurance that support and love are there to catch you if you falter. This mindset will make you more open and resilient.

Have you ever felt envious of someone else’s life that seems easier or more fulfilling? Envy and comparison can be destructive, but they also offer valuable insights if you pay attention to them. Such feelings often mask a longing for a lighter, more balanced existence. By examining your envy, you can uncover your true desires and needs. This can prompt you to make changes, embracing rest, play, and connection. Realizing her envy was a sign, Niequist learned to slow down and enjoy life more. Learn to celebrate your own path and align your life with your passions and strengths to achieve deeper contentment and satisfaction.

If you often see stories and experiences through a lens of shame or inadequacy, consider how this perspective might be skewing your understanding. Reframe these narratives to see the underlying support and love that exist. This practice can help you build a new set of stories that empower rather than diminish you.

Embracing a simpler, more intentional lifestyle can lead to better outcomes for both you and those around you. Avoid the trap of measuring success solely by external achievements. Instead, consider the internal fruits of your efforts – your well-being, your relationships, and your sense of peace. By doing so, you nurture not only your own spirit but also create a more positive and supportive environment for those you care about.

Ultimately, rethinking familiar stories, addressing hidden longings, and simplifying your life can lead to deeper fulfillment and a more authentic connection with yourself and others. These practices can help you live a life that is both meaningful and balanced, filled with love, support, and genuine joy.

Embracing simplicity for a balanced life

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the constant need to meet others’ expectations? Or wondered how to find more joy and balance in your daily life?

Niequist has learned to declutter both her physical and mental spaces to focus on what truly matters. Constantly facing public judgment as a writer created a heavy burden of trying to meet others’ expectations. Realizing the importance of prioritizing genuine connections, she spends more time with loved ones and embraces deeper relationships. Letting go of the need to please everyone brought her freedom and clarity. She found that truly seeing, loving, and delighting in others was far richer than merely trying to please them. This shift has helped her listen to her inner voice and the whisper of God’s Spirit, guiding her to prioritize her values and relationships over external validation.

Incorporating play and joy into daily life has also become essential for Niequist. Embracing the idea of “wasting time” has helped her counteract the constant hustle and busyness. Engaging in unproductive, silly, and nonstrategic activities, like coloring, dancing in the kitchen, and playing with her nieces, has brought happiness and balance. Such moments of play serve as reminders that life is meant for loving, learning, and laughing, not just for pushing and planning.

Simplifying life brings benefits through focusing on essentials and eliminating the unnecessary. For example, Niequist found that a preference for neutral colors and simple clothing made her feel more like herself and reduced the stress of daily decision-making. She extended this simplicity to her kitchen and home, where she found joy in having only items she truly used and loved. Decluttering her physical environment also cleared mental space, making it easier to focus on important decisions related to parenting, marriage, and friendships. Adopting this approach changed the way she shopped and gave gifts, prioritizing timeless, useful items and shared experiences over knickknacks.

By adopting practices of clearing away the unnecessary, learning to play, and embracing simplicity, you too can create space for what truly matters and find deeper connection and fulfillment.

Reconnecting with joy and inner peace

Have you ever felt like the weight of responsibility has overshadowed the simple joys of life? Do you remember the last time you allowed yourself to be spontaneous and carefree? Niequist’s experiences highlight the significance of reconnecting with your true self and finding joy in small, meaningful moments.

A few summers ago, she experienced something transformative. She was invited on a trip to a remote lakeside camp with people she barely knew. Despite her uncertainties, she sensed that something important awaited her there. In the vast spaces under bright stars, she let go of layers of stress and regret, revealing her true self. For the first time in ages, she felt clarity and paid attention to the small joys around her.

One tradition at this camp was to throw candy to passing kayakers. Niequist watched as their host, amidst a chaotic scene of boats and swimmers, paused to throw candy. Despite the potential for disaster, everything turned out fine. This moment made Niequist realize she’d lost her whimsy and joy, becoming someone who only threw candy when it was responsible and convenient. She used to be warm and whimsical, but now she was too busy being responsible. This realization brought her to tears, and she vowed to reclaim her joy and silliness, valuing these moments over mere efficiency and organization.

Niequist also spent time at Lake Geneva, seeking peace and quiet to write. Surrounded by nature, she felt herself shedding external expectations and reconnecting with her essential self. She realized that each phase of life invites you to leave behind outdated beliefs and embrace what truly matters. As she began to acknowledge her exhaustion and mend broken relationships, she found her own voice and opinions. She’d spent too long bending under the weight of others’ expectations, losing herself in the process. Now, she was learning to trust her feelings and opinions, which guided her back to her true passions and dreams.

There’s a deep sense of worth and peace that comes from understanding and embracing your true self. Niequist now understands that her sense of worth she craved comes not from external validation but from recognizing God’s unconditional love. Her faith has transformed into a source of healing and life-giving peace. Caring for her soul is as important as caring for her body – both require tenderness and attentiveness.

Through honesty, connection, and grace, you can find a renewed sense of purpose and joy. By embracing your true self and valuing your soul’s worth, you’ll discover a more fulfilling and peaceful way of living.

Conclusion

In this summary to Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, you’ve learned that transforming your life from exhaustion to renewal involves embracing stillness, setting boundaries, and living authentically. Niequist’s journey highlights the importance of saying no, reconnecting with your true self, and finding joy in simplicity. By prioritizing peace, connection, and presence, and rejecting the relentless pursuit of perfection, you can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life.