Why The Golden Rule Is Not Enough For Healthy Relationships

The golden rule of treating others as you want to be treated is not enough for healthy relationships. Learn why and how to apply the platinum rule instead.

We all know the golden rule: treat others as you want to be treated. It sounds simple and fair, and it seems like a good guideline for how to behave in relationships. But is it really enough to ensure healthy and happy interactions with others?

The answer is no. The golden rule has some limitations and drawbacks that can actually harm your relationships instead of helping them. In this article, we will explain why the golden rule is not enough for healthy relationships, and what you can do to improve your communication and empathy skills. We will also introduce you to the platinum rule, which is a more effective and respectful way of relating to others.

The Limitations of The Golden Rule

The golden rule is based on the assumption that everyone wants to be treated the same way. However, this is not true. People have different preferences, needs, values, and boundaries. What works for you may not work for someone else. For example, you may enjoy receiving compliments, but your partner may find them embarrassing or insincere. You may like to spend a lot of time together, but your friend may need more space and solitude. You may prefer direct and honest feedback, but your coworker may feel hurt or offended by it.

The golden rule can also lead to projection and selfishness. Projection is when you assume that others feel, think, or want the same things as you do, without checking with them. Selfishness is when you prioritize your own interests and desires over those of others, without considering their feelings or perspectives. For example, you may buy your spouse a gift that you like, but they don’t. You may invite your friend to a party that you enjoy, but they don’t. You may give your boss a suggestion that you think is helpful, but they don’t.

The golden rule can also create resentment and frustration. Resentment is when you feel angry or bitter about something that someone did or didn’t do, especially when you think it was unfair or unjust. Frustration is when you feel annoyed or impatient about something that is not happening the way you want it to. For example, you may feel resentful when you do something nice for someone, but they don’t appreciate it or reciprocate it. You may feel frustrated when you try to communicate with someone, but they don’t understand you or respond to you.

The Benefits of The Platinum Rule

The platinum rule is a better alternative to the golden rule. The platinum rule is: treat others as they want to be treated. It means that you respect and honor the individuality and diversity of others. It means that you listen and learn from others, instead of imposing your own views and expectations on them. It means that you communicate and cooperate with others, instead of competing or conflicting with them.

The platinum rule has many benefits for healthy relationships. Here are some of them:

• It fosters trust and intimacy. When you treat others as they want to be treated, you show them that you care about them and their needs. You also show them that you are reliable and consistent. This builds trust and intimacy, which are essential for any relationship.
• It enhances understanding and empathy. When you treat others as they want to be treated, you pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal cues. You also ask questions and clarify doubts. This enhances understanding and empathy, which are vital for any relationship.
• It reduces stress and conflict. When you treat others as they want to be treated, you avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and disagreements. You also resolve issues and problems in a constructive and respectful way. This reduces stress and conflict, which are harmful for any relationship.

How to Apply The Platinum Rule

Applying the platinum rule is not difficult, but it requires some effort and practice. Here are some steps that you can follow to apply the platinum rule in your relationships:

• Observe and listen. The first step is to observe and listen to the other person. Pay attention to their words, tone, body language, and facial expressions. Try to understand their feelings, thoughts, and intentions. Don’t interrupt, judge, or criticize them. Just observe and listen.
• Ask and confirm. The second step is to ask and confirm with the other person. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to share more about themselves and their preferences. Confirm that you understood them correctly by paraphrasing or summarizing what they said. Don’t assume, guess, or infer. Just ask and confirm.
• Adapt and adjust. The third step is to adapt and adjust your behavior according to the other person. Do or say things that make them feel comfortable and appreciated. Avoid or stop doing or saying things that make them feel uncomfortable or offended. Don’t insist, argue, or manipulate. Just adapt and adjust.
• Repeat and review. The fourth step is to repeat and review the process. Keep observing, listening, asking, confirming, adapting, and adjusting as the situation and the relationship change. Review your actions and outcomes regularly. Seek feedback and suggestions from the other person. Don’t stagnate, ignore, or neglect. Just repeat and review.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Question: What is the difference between the golden rule and the platinum rule?

Answer: The golden rule is to treat others as you want to be treated. The platinum rule is to treat others as they want to be treated. The golden rule assumes that everyone has the same preferences and needs, while the platinum rule recognizes that everyone is different and unique.

Question: Why is the platinum rule better than the golden rule?

Answer: The platinum rule is better than the golden rule because it respects and honors the individuality and diversity of others. It also fosters trust, intimacy, understanding, empathy, and cooperation in relationships. It also reduces stress, conflict, and resentment in relationships.

Question: How can I learn more about the platinum rule?

Answer: You can learn more about the platinum rule by reading books, articles, blogs, or podcasts on the topic. You can also take courses, workshops, or seminars on the topic. You can also practice the platinum rule with your family, friends, colleagues, or strangers. The more you practice, the more you will learn.

Summary

The golden rule of treating others as you want to be treated is not enough for healthy relationships. It has some limitations and drawbacks that can harm your relationships. The platinum rule of treating others as they want to be treated is a better alternative. It has many benefits for healthy relationships. To apply the platinum rule, you need to observe, listen, ask, confirm, adapt, adjust, repeat, and review. By doing so, you will improve your communication and empathy skills, and enhance your relationships with others.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Please consult a qualified expert before making any decisions or taking any actions based on this article. We are not responsible for any consequences or damages that may arise from the use of this article.