Why Is Being Present Not Enough? How Denise Young’s ‘Whole Self’ Strategy Combats Erasure in the Workplace

What Did Dave Chappelle Teach an Apple Exec About Power? The Secret to Authentic Leadership Revealed

Discover Denise Young’s journey from Apple executive to empowered leader in When We Are Seen. Learn how to overcome self-erasure, find your authentic voice, and why bringing your ‘whole self’ to work is the key to true inclusion and innovation.

Stop shouting to be heard—read the full summary below to discover the ‘choir director’ lesson that will help you find the authentic voice people actually want to listen to.

Genres

Communication Skills, Motivation, Inspiration, Personal Development

Discover one woman’s journey toward visibility and recognition — and the lessons it imparts about the value of representation for everyone.

When We Are Seen (2024) is Denise Young’s powerful memoir and exploration of visibility, representation, and personal authenticity in the corporate world and beyond. Through her journey as a Black woman in tech leadership, Young offers invaluable insights on overcoming erasure, embracing your whole self, and creating truly inclusive environments where everyone can thrive.

Back in 2006, Denise Young was standing atop the glass staircase in Apple’s new 24-hour Fifth Avenue store, greeting celebrities on their opening night. As a senior executive for many years by that time, she was used to being the only Black woman in many rooms. But when comedian Dave Chappelle approached her that evening, something shifted.

With a knowing look and a few well-chosen comments, he acknowledged the unique challenges she must face as a Black woman in executive leadership. In that moment, Young felt truly seen. This brief exchange sparked a deep exploration of visibility, representation, and the power of recognition.

Young’s journey from that glass staircase to a broader understanding of erasure and inclusion offers insights that challenge how we see ourselves and others in society. Her story invites us to look closer, think deeper, and act boldly to create a world where everyone is truly seen.

Let’s dive into the summary.

Being seen is more than being present, it’s being understood

Imagine working tirelessly for nearly two decades leading global teams and revolutionizing how people interact with technology. Then, after all that time and effort, you’re suddenly hailed as a “new voice”. This was Denise Young’s experience when Fortune magazine featured her in 2014.

Young had been with Apple for 18 years, 13 of those in senior leadership roles. She had overseen the placement of over 425 Apple Stores worldwide and shaped their unique culture. Yet, she was only now being recognized as the first Black female C-level executive at Apple.

This moment highlights a crucial truth: Visibility isn’t just about being present. It’s about being truly seen, acknowledged, and valued for your full contributions. For many minorities in contemporary society, this recognition often comes too late, if at all.

The power of visibility lies in its ability to inspire, validate, and create change. When you see someone who looks like you in a position of influence, it expands your sense of what’s possible. It challenges societal norms and breaks down barriers.

But visibility is more than just representation. It’s about having your voice heard, your experiences understood, and your achievements recognized in their entirety. It’s about being seen not just for who you are, but for what you’ve done and the journey you’ve taken to get there.

The erasure of minorities in society often happens subtly. It’s in the stories not told, the achievements overlooked, and the experiences dismissed as unimportant. It’s in being labeled “new” when you’ve been present and contributing all along.

This erasure has real consequences. It perpetuates stereotypes, limits opportunities, and reinforces systemic inequalities. It tells talented individuals that their contributions don’t matter, or that they must work twice as hard for half the recognition.

On the other hand, when visibility really is achieved, it can be transformative. When Young met Dave Chappelle at the Apple Store opening in 2006, she felt truly seen. It wasn’t about her title or position – she felt an acknowledgment of her unique journey and challenges.

This is the power of visibility. It’s the ability to be seen, heard, and understood in your fullness. It’s about having your entire story recognized, not just the parts that fit a convenient narrative.

Now for your part. By cultivating this deeper awareness of the people around you, you can help combat the erasure of minorities in society. You can contribute to a world where everyone’s story is heard, where achievements are recognized in their full context, and where being seen means being truly understood.

This is the first step toward creating a more inclusive society — one where visibility isn’t just about being present, but about being valued for all that you are and all that you bring to the table.

The Power of Authentic Expression

Back when Young was in middle school, she sang in a choir. She was giving it her all, but one day a new choir director pulled her aside and told her that she was shouting over everyone else, trying to be heard. At first, his words stung, bringing tears to her eyes. But what followed was a moment of profound recognition and guidance that would shape her life.

In your own journey, you might recognize times when you’ve tried to make yourself heard by speaking louder, working harder, or pushing beyond your natural abilities. Like Young in the choir, you might think this is the only way to stand out or be recognized. But often, this approach can drown out your true voice.

The new choir director’s insight wasn’t just about singing technique. It was about recognizing and nurturing your authentic self. He saw talent in Young that she couldn’t yet see in herself. He moved her to a different section and assigned her specific music to study. But he wasn’t just correcting her singing — he was showing her a path to discover her true voice.

This moment illustrates a crucial life lesson: Sometimes, the key to being heard isn’t about shouting louder, but about finding the right key. Your unique voice, when used authentically, can resonate more powerfully than any forced attempt to stand out.

Consider the times in your life when you’ve felt the need to shout to be heard. Maybe it was in a meeting at work, trying to prove your worth. Or in a relationship, struggling to express your needs. These moments of straining to be heard can leave you exhausted and frustrated, just like Young felt in the choir.

The path to being truly heard often involves a journey of self-discovery. It requires the courage to step back, reassess, and sometimes even change direction. This might mean exploring new ways of expressing yourself, or seeking out mentors who can guide you toward your strengths.

Of course, finding your authentic voice doesn’t mean you’ll never face challenges or need to assert yourself. But it does mean that when you do speak up, your words will carry the weight of truth and personal conviction. This authenticity is what truly captures attention and respect.

Your voice, in its natural and authentic form, has power. Trust in it, nurture it, and let it be heard. The world is waiting to hear what only you can say.

Personal bias and the roots of self-erasure

During a brief hiatus from Apple, Young joined a promising startup — and faced an unexpected challenge. A new CEO arrived, bringing with him the reputation of software company Oracle’s intense corporate culture. Despite Young’s accomplished role as HR director, she found herself retreating in his presence.

Young’s experience reveals a crucial aspect of erasure: Sometimes, we erase ourselves. Young admitted she became subdued around the new CEO, sinking into a shell that didn’t represent her true self. A perceptive colleague noticed this change, and directly questioned why she seemed so diminished.

The root of Young’s self-erasure wasn’t in the new CEO’s actions, but in Young’s perceptions of him as a person. She had absorbed negative narratives about Oracle’s culture and projected them onto him. Without realizing it, she’d created barriers based on assumptions rather than reality.

This scenario illuminates how erasure can stem from our own biases. Young’s preconceptions led her to withdraw, making herself less visible and potentially less effective in her role. She became consumed with what she believed the CEO thought of her, rather than presenting her authentic self.

Consider times when you’ve made similar assumptions about others. Have you ever held back or changed your behavior based on what you thought someone might think, rather than their actual actions?

Young’s experience also highlights the power of confirmation bias – which is the human tendency to embrace information that supports existing beliefs rather than contradicting them. She had absorbed negative stories about Oracle and allowed them to color her perception of the new CEO, without giving him a chance to prove otherwise. But Young’s bias didn’t just affect how she saw the CEO; it also affected how she saw herself in relation to him. She questioned her own effectiveness, wondering how she could lead in HR alongside someone she perceived as so different from her.

Recognizing these biases is crucial in combating erasure. Young later realized that her judgments had blocked potential opportunities for learning and connection. By projecting her fears and assumptions, she had inadvertently contributed to her own erasure. It isn’t always about others failing to see us. Sometimes, erasure comes from us failing to see ourselves clearly.

So be aware of your biases, and try to recognize when your perceptions might be clouding your vision. This way, you open yourself to genuine connections and opportunities for growth.

Bringing your whole self

Picture yourself in an exclusive, crowded café, watching a live broadcast of a major product launch with your whole team. As the new iMac G4 commercial plays, featuring Kirk Franklin’s hit gospel song Stomp, you find yourself dancing with excitement. But looking around, you realize you’re the only one who feels this overwhelming joy.

This was another of Young’s experiences at Apple, and it perfectly illustrates the importance of diverse representation in decision-making roles. Young recognized something her colleagues couldn’t about the new commercial at that moment: The positive cultural impact and potential reach of this advertisement within the Black community.

Young saw beyond a catchy tune; she saw a bridge between a tech giant and an underrepresented community through music and imagery. She recognized the ad’s power to connect Apple products with a demographic that often felt overlooked by major brands.

This moment highlights how representation at every level can drive innovation and expand a company’s reach. By having diverse voices in the room, businesses can tap into cultural nuances and create more inclusive, effective strategies.

Young’s story didn’t end with her personal realization. She took action by writing directly to Steve Jobs to explain the ad’s significance. This bold move demonstrates another crucial element of representation: The courage to speak up and share your unique insights.

By reaching out, Young not only ensured that the impact of the ad was understood at the highest level, but opened a dialogue that led to new connections and opportunities within the company. Her action resulted in a direct introduction to the person responsible for the ad’s music selection, expanding her influence and creating space for more diverse input in future decisions.

The moral of Young’s story is that representation isn’t just about being present; it’s about actively contributing your perspective, and valuing the unique perspective of others. When you bring your whole self to your work, you have the power to shape decisions, influence outcomes, and create more inclusive environments. Your unique viewpoint is an asset. Whether you’re in a boardroom or a team meeting, your insights can bridge gaps in understanding and open new avenues for growth and connection.

See your whole self

After years of setting up Apple Stores worldwide, Young had earned herself her fair share of admirers. But she felt deeply disconnected from the recognition. That’s because her focus was never on fame or fancy titles. Instead, she found meaning in the lives she touched and the culture she helped create.

This perspective is crucial for the future of representation. It’s not just about having diverse faces in high positions, but about the impact those individuals can have on others.

Young’s journey took an unexpected turn when she met Barry, a classical voice coach, in an Apple Store. This chance encounter reignited her passion for music and opened new possibilities. It was a reminder that her whole self mattered, not just her professional identity.

Young’s decision to pursue her musical interests alongside her corporate career challenges the notion that we need to choose between our passions and our professions. The future of representation lies in bringing your whole self to the table, integrating different aspects of your identity and experiences.

This integration can be challenging but also deeply rewarding. For instance, when Young reignited her passion for singing, she had been navigating a series of devastating personal losses while leading a global team. Instead of burning out, she found solace by making time to study — and eventually performed at Carnegie Hall. It’s a testament to the power of embracing all parts of yourself, even in difficult times.

For allies and leaders, this story also highlights the importance of creating environments where people can bring their full selves to work. It’s about recognizing that diverse experiences and interests can enrich the workplace and lead to more innovative, empathetic leadership.

Because representation isn’t just about filling quotas or achieving visible diversity. It’s about creating a culture where everyone feels empowered to bring their unique experiences, passions, and perspectives to the table.

So as you navigate your career and personal life, look for opportunities to integrate different aspects of yourself. Be open to unexpected connections and new paths. Your diverse experiences and interests aren’t distractions from your work – they’re valuable assets that can enrich your contributions and inspire others.

The future of representation is about more than being seen. It’s about being fully present, embracing all parts of who you are, and using your unique voice to make a difference. By doing so, you’re not just advancing your own career – you’re paving the way for a more inclusive, dynamic future for everyone.

Conclusion

The main takeaway of this summary to When We Are Seen by Denise Young is that…

True visibility isn’t just about being present; it’s about being fully seen, understood, and valued for your entire journey and contributions. Your authentic voice, when used confidently, resonates more powerfully than any forced attempt to stand out or be heard.

Personal biases can lead to self-erasure, and recognizing and challenging these biases is crucial for genuine connection and growth. On top of this, bringing your whole self to your work and life — including your diverse experiences, passions, and perspectives — enriches not only your own journey but also creates more inclusive and innovative environments for everyone. The future of representation lies not in merely filling quotas, but in creating cultures where everyone feels empowered to contribute their unique voice and experiences.